Sad day
Psalm 118:24
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Sad day
Finally got a call from my wife saying she would sign the divorce papers and get them notarized .
We both got sober at the same time and even started al anon together .
I continued and she stopped. At first it was for her kids and mine. After that, I was going for the insanity of living with a spouse that was enabling her kids and grand kids to the point of making them emotional cripples etc.
I had to leave her for my sanity. I tried numerous times to tell her what was wrong and it couldn't continue like this.
I feel selfish for seeking peace an serenity.
I weighed the serenity prayer over and over until, it became apparent nothing was going to change it unless I did.
Thanks to reading
We both got sober at the same time and even started al anon together .
I continued and she stopped. At first it was for her kids and mine. After that, I was going for the insanity of living with a spouse that was enabling her kids and grand kids to the point of making them emotional cripples etc.
I had to leave her for my sanity. I tried numerous times to tell her what was wrong and it couldn't continue like this.
I feel selfish for seeking peace an serenity.
I weighed the serenity prayer over and over until, it became apparent nothing was going to change it unless I did.
Thanks to reading
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
I'm sorry, Captain.
You saved yourself. That was what was within your control.
Your wife didn't save herself. Even though it was within her control.
It's tragic. But it makes no sense to feel guilt over something you have no control over.
Then again, you know that. And feelings rarely do make sense.
Take good care of yourself.
You saved yourself. That was what was within your control.
Your wife didn't save herself. Even though it was within her control.
It's tragic. But it makes no sense to feel guilt over something you have no control over.
Then again, you know that. And feelings rarely do make sense.
Take good care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I am sorry that things turned out the way they did.Sometimes it feels like the serenity prayer is all I have to keep me sane and moving in the right direction or to know when I need not move.
It sounds like you did the right thing for you, your life and your sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
it is sad when even we do the very BEST thing - get sober, stay sober, work so hard on getting better - still comes at a price. i am glad you choose sanity tho. the other options have some pretty dismal outcomes. go easy on yourself today.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Sorry to hear this... I know it represents the end of a lot of hopes and dreams and no one goes into marriage wanting to divorce... It sounds like you did what you had to do to keep your sobriety and sanity in tact and many many of us can relate...
Psalm 118:24
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
I'm emotionally drained.
I've been real good about suggesting to people on here about getting out of their toxic relationship and now I fully understand how hard it is.
We get crazier due to them
I've been real good about suggesting to people on here about getting out of their toxic relationship and now I fully understand how hard it is.
We get crazier due to them
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000 
I'm emotionally drained.
I've been real good about suggesting to people on here about getting out of their toxic relationship and now I fully understand how hard it is. We get crazier due to them
I've been real good about suggesting to people on here about getting out of their toxic relationship and now I fully understand how hard it is. We get crazier due to them
as a sober contributor
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: California
Posts: 1,312
Capt, I am sorry that this has you down but you made the right decision. Jumping off a sinking ship and swimming to shore was the only choice to save yourself.
Keep your chin up. A MUCH better life is ahead of you!
Take Care.
Keep your chin up. A MUCH better life is ahead of you!
Take Care.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,855
Oh, Captainzing, I am truly sorry. Yes, it is a sad day; it is so hard to let go of something which begins with so much love, excitement, hope and promise. I hope that you can find a place within you to "store" the goodness which was once between you and move on to a happy and bright future.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Zing,
I am so sorry. Divorce is wrenching under almost any circumstances.
With my X, his crack addicted (to the max with all the accompanying transgressions) moved to our town when he got out of prison. (for crack related crimes)
I had been around SR long enough to know how to detach and not make it part of my life but my XH was spun around in the middle of it daily.
It was the beginning of the end for the marriage.
There is nothing about that time that I miss in any way, shape or form.
I am free of all things addiction related now, it has become foreign to me.
We do heal. The hurt is eventually forgotten.
And I also found out that I/we are not too old to love again in a healthy way.
The transition is tough but it doesn't last.
The work you have done on yourself does.
I am sorry you are going through this, there is no way to prettify it. I offer my sincere sympathies...but also hope.
(((((hugs))))
T
PS LMAO with Florence!!!!
I am so sorry. Divorce is wrenching under almost any circumstances.
With my X, his crack addicted (to the max with all the accompanying transgressions) moved to our town when he got out of prison. (for crack related crimes)
I had been around SR long enough to know how to detach and not make it part of my life but my XH was spun around in the middle of it daily.
It was the beginning of the end for the marriage.
There is nothing about that time that I miss in any way, shape or form.
I am free of all things addiction related now, it has become foreign to me.
We do heal. The hurt is eventually forgotten.
And I also found out that I/we are not too old to love again in a healthy way.
The transition is tough but it doesn't last.
The work you have done on yourself does.
I am sorry you are going through this, there is no way to prettify it. I offer my sincere sympathies...but also hope.
(((((hugs))))
T
PS LMAO with Florence!!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
I had no idea of how to get out of my
own marriage, being that I was the one
in recovery. In following and living my
recovery program day in and day out
to the best of my ability, I was led to
an outlet which granted both my spouse
and I to separate then divorce on peaceful
grounds.
Today I still believe God of my understanding
heard my pleads and in His time allowed this
part of my life to end and continue on a new
path still living in recovery happier, healthier
and honest.
He had and still has my life already mapped
out for me and all I have to do is place my
will and life in His hands for guidance and
care.
Continue to do the same for yourself and
even tho this is a trying time it too shall
pass.
Your Friend in Recovery.
own marriage, being that I was the one
in recovery. In following and living my
recovery program day in and day out
to the best of my ability, I was led to
an outlet which granted both my spouse
and I to separate then divorce on peaceful
grounds.
Today I still believe God of my understanding
heard my pleads and in His time allowed this
part of my life to end and continue on a new
path still living in recovery happier, healthier
and honest.
He had and still has my life already mapped
out for me and all I have to do is place my
will and life in His hands for guidance and
care.
Continue to do the same for yourself and
even tho this is a trying time it too shall
pass.
Your Friend in Recovery.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Sending you some love CaptainZ. I'm so sorry you're hurting, but there's no doubt you did the best thing under those circumstances. Prayers for your pain to ease up and happiness to return again.
Prayers for your pain to ease up and happiness to return again.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Hi Captain,
I am sorry that you are sad. It doesn't seem like it now, but you will feel better and better with time. Do something nice for yourself. How can you pamper yourself right now? I always like to be in nature, get massages, eat my favorite things and get good sleep.
I am sorry that you are sad. It doesn't seem like it now, but you will feel better and better with time. Do something nice for yourself. How can you pamper yourself right now? I always like to be in nature, get massages, eat my favorite things and get good sleep.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000
I've not slept too well in over 7 months. Maybe soon
If you cannot take it, other things that help me sleep:
HOT baths
Cardio workouts
Yoga
Sleepytime tea
massages
forcing myself up early and to bed early
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