Round 12
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 873
Round 12
AH has been texting me and calling me since last night. The phone is set to reject.
I am getting ready for work and he shows up with flowers knocking on the door. Scared the living day light out of me its 6am!!!!!!
He is asking me if it's too late? I couldn't help but laugh (I know it was rude)
He said he will go to AA and wants to know if it's too late?
I told him I can't answer that question at this second. ( I was laughing inside and didn't want to start a long talk since im getting ready for a job he doesn't know I have)
I explained AA is just a tool he has to do the work, then there is the issue with the drugs and the other woman. I reminded him for over a year he told me he wasn't going to stop and he enjoyed it so what's the point?
I am taken back by all this right now.
I want to make sure this is just manipulation or is this heart felt remorse? My gut says na.
Also I went to ifind on his phone and he turned that feature off hummmmmmm
I am getting ready for work and he shows up with flowers knocking on the door. Scared the living day light out of me its 6am!!!!!!
He is asking me if it's too late? I couldn't help but laugh (I know it was rude)
He said he will go to AA and wants to know if it's too late?
I told him I can't answer that question at this second. ( I was laughing inside and didn't want to start a long talk since im getting ready for a job he doesn't know I have)
I explained AA is just a tool he has to do the work, then there is the issue with the drugs and the other woman. I reminded him for over a year he told me he wasn't going to stop and he enjoyed it so what's the point?
I am taken back by all this right now.
I want to make sure this is just manipulation or is this heart felt remorse? My gut says na.
Also I went to ifind on his phone and he turned that feature off hummmmmmm
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
Talking about AA is a whole lot different than actually going and committing himself to the program. Good for you for not buying into his words, radiant!! Hope you have a great day at your new job! 
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Totaly agree with everyone else, this is more quacking. One detail that I have noticed is that it was worth listening when RAH started using "I" sentences.... "*I* recognized *I* have a problem & *I* need to get help to get *my* life together." Totally different than "I'm willing to go to AA if there's still a chance for us...."
You handled this so well Radiant!... & GOOD LUCK at your new job today!!
You handled this so well Radiant!... & GOOD LUCK at your new job today!!
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
I 
at "is it too late?" at 6 a.m.
"Yes. I would have forgiven you if you had showed up at 3 a.m. But now? No."
When I was married to AXH, there was a lot of abuse in the marriage, to the point where once I left, there was NO, ZERO, NIENTE, NADA left. Nothing. If he had showed up with flowers on my front step after I left, chances are I'd have emptied the fire extinguisher in his face and then called 911.
I think in a situation like yours, you can lean on the Al-Anon saying "More Will Be Revealed." If he truly is remorseful and committed to getting sober, he will do it. But I'm putting my money in with Seren's. Sounds like quacking to me.
at "is it too late?" at 6 a.m. "Yes. I would have forgiven you if you had showed up at 3 a.m. But now? No."
When I was married to AXH, there was a lot of abuse in the marriage, to the point where once I left, there was NO, ZERO, NIENTE, NADA left. Nothing. If he had showed up with flowers on my front step after I left, chances are I'd have emptied the fire extinguisher in his face and then called 911.
I think in a situation like yours, you can lean on the Al-Anon saying "More Will Be Revealed." If he truly is remorseful and committed to getting sober, he will do it. But I'm putting my money in with Seren's. Sounds like quacking to me.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
I think if he were interested in being sober and SHOWING he's serious, he would have been at an AA meeting at 6 am instead of trying to manipulate and guilt and quack at you on your doorstep.
Good job not buying what he's selling.
Good job not buying what he's selling.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 873
Everyone makes sense thank you so much. He wants to me to attend his AA meetings with him and he said he is looking for one.
I told him that's good because after the divorce he needs to continue to take care of himself. deer in headlights I got.
I told him that's good because after the divorce he needs to continue to take care of himself. deer in headlights I got.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
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He wants to me to attend his AA meetings with him and he said he is looking for one.
He is trying everything to pull you back in.
He KNOWS AA is what you want to hear.
Those words to a codie is like bacon to a dog. Makes us drool, right?
I would encourage you to look deep within yourself and figure out whether going to an AA meeting with him (you know, if he ever gets to the point of actually locating one) is something that would be in any way helpful to you.
If not? He can go on his own.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
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Lol lilamy. He's not fooling me. Even if he cleaned up his act . The damage is to extensive I would never forgive him. I just answered him the way I did to get him out so I could get ready. I've read some of the friends going through stuff like this. I never expected him to do it since he never shows me any attention
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Originally Posted by hopeful4 
Manipulation! Don't fall for it. My XAH attends Celebrate Recovery and has for 4 years. He is also in a step study. He is also not working the program, he is just present for it. Big difference!
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