Pia

I feel soooooo. Sad like I've made a mistake

My marriage has ended.
And now they are interviewing for my replacement. In my head I believe i have avoided the
the wrath of abusive screaming directed at me.
I'm trying to take control of my life but at the end I have nothing.
Now I'm doubting myself. I feel like my limb is cut off.
I can't turn around and say stop I will stay.
Am I so use to abuse now.

Hammer

All you ever really had was you.

Make you 100% and you have it all.

Add God/HP whatever you want to call he-she-it-they-them and then you can live in surplus.

It is a common mistake.

I mean the mistake you are giving voice to --

We think: *us* (plus) *them* = All.
So then we think *us* (minus) *them = Less Than.

Seek first the Kingdom and all this is added to you.

If you chase or mourn an Alcoholic the best you are going to get is You + an Alcoholic.

You have been-there-done-that. That was not really so pleasant, was it?

lillamy

(((((Radiant)))))

You've heard the quote that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% your attitude about it, right?

Take a deep breath, and try to reset your starting point.

Instead of "My marriage has ended" try telling yourself "I am finally free from an abusive marriage. The road ahead has adventures I can't even begin to dream of yet, but it's all out there and I have every opportunity to grab life by the balls and GO FOR IT!!!"

Instead of "they are interviewing for my replacement" try thinking "I will be so glad when they have hired someone else to take my dead-end job so that I can get on that road to something that I have a passion for and that I can grow and soar with!"

My best friend sent me a note after I had left AXH. It said "A caged bird feels frightened when the cage door opens, because it thinks it has forgotten how to fly. It may be difficult at first, but once the bird catches the air in its wings, it will realize that this is what it was longing for all the time."

Let yourself be sad. Cry if you need to. But don't look back. That's not the direction your future lies.

Pia

You guys/gals made me feel better instantly thank you.
I prayed and will wait patiently.

CodeJob

Hi Radiant,

I am sorry you are questioning your choices. I think that is a natural thing to review, reflect and question.

I am attaching a link to an abuse wheel I recently discovered. Well well well there was some actions my former boss used to do to his team. We called it "being thrown under the bus." He liked to do it by group emails or group shaming. I actively helped find my replacement I was SO HAPPY to be gone. I put a picture of myself literally jumping in joy on my last day. I also wore a black dress!

Things are going to turn around for you. Just be patient with yourself.

http://www.lessonsfromliterature.org...trol_Wheel.pdf

Ofelie

Instead of seeing this negatively...instead of saying its the end, honey....its just the beginning, isn't it? Its the start of your new life, freedom. You have so many choices, so much awesome, amazing stuff that is going to happen to you. Right now you are that butterfly that just came out of her cocoon...wings are damp, and you are standing on the edge of your new life just waiting to fly away. Its not a bad thing, its a gift. Not everyone makes it here...but you have, so embrace it. Its ok to cry, and its ok to be terrified of all the changes and unknown future ahead of you, and even to be sad of the things you are leaving behind. But my gosh, how beautiful that sweet freedom of your new future is, isn't it? You can do or be anything you want...nothin is going to hold you back now.

Ofelie

Sorry I cannot resist, this is what went through my head as I posted:

Michael McDonald - Sweet Freedom HQ - YouTube

No more runnin' down the wrong road
Dancin' to a diff'rent drum
Can't you see what's goin' on
Deep inside your heart
Always searchin' for the real thing
Livin' like it's far away
Just leave all the madness in yesterday
You're holdin' the key
When you believe it
Chorus:
Shine sweet freedom
Shine your light on me
You are the magic
You're right where I wanna be
Oh sweet freedom carry me along
We'll keep the spirit alive on and on
We'll be dancin' in the moonlight
Smilin' with the risin' sun
Livin' like we've never done
Goin' all the way
Reachin' out to meet the changes
Touchin' every shining star
The light of tomorrow is right where we are
There's no turnin' back
From what I'm feeling
Chorus:
Coz there'll be starlight all night
When we're close together
Share those feelings dancin' in your eyes
Tonight they're guiding us
Shinin' till the mornin' light

Hammer

Wiser minds than mine . . . .

Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

FireSprite

((((Radiant)))) I know when we have moments/days like this it feels like it's going to be this way forever but I promise, it really won't. Change is always hard & I think it's even harder on us Codies in some ways because we don't realize how tightly we grasp onto that control (even a false sense of control) until it's gone.

Hang in there, brighter days are ahead - what you feel right now is only temporary.

Pia

They hired the first person they interviewed. Oh well

lillamy

Don't worry about that. It's not a reflection of your worth, only a reflection of their smarts...

When I left one job -- much like you, I had agonized over it, and wanted to make sure I gave them plenty of notice so they could hire someone and I could train them -- my employer simply decided to not replace me. Say what? Really? That's how valuable I was?

My best friend turned it around on me and said "No, it doesn't mean they didn't value what you did -- it just means you're irreplaceable!"

So that's my message to you: They'll never find anyone quite as good as you, so they might as well go with the first warm body walking through the door. And you, my friend, are off to bigger and better things!

Pia

Ahhh thank you. HR told me I brought a smile to this place and he wonders everyday why he is there tooo

Rosiepetal

I believe abuse takes a long time to get over.
Start your recovery today.
One day at a time.
Go for all the support you can get in way of free services, friends, family & of course us here.
Be gentle & kind to yourself.
You will in time go on to live a happy life but first you must take the journey of your own recovery.
There is no time limits.
You can do this.
Sending hugs.