Letting go of the past
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 14
Letting go of the past
I am new to recovery, received my 30 day token March 21st. I have lost so much in the last 60 days. My job, career as a registered nurse, income, respect of my colleges. My family is supportive but no one is in recovery. I cannot seem to get past my past. The should haves, could haves, would haves are driving me crazy. I think about it constantly. My family wants me to move on but I can't seem to stop. They are becoming very weary of my constant depression & talking. How did anyone else get past regretting the past??
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
I had to live it down first. I've been sober three years and I know there are aquintances who still think I'm a drunk.
I did a lot of bad things to the people closest to me while drinking.
I guess living all this down took a lot of time. I had to regain trust and do my best to earn it.
All I can say is time heals all wounds.
Congatulations on your 35 days. Give things awhile. We didn't turn into drinks overnight and we're not going to solve all our problems overnight, either.
Best to you.
I did a lot of bad things to the people closest to me while drinking.
I guess living all this down took a lot of time. I had to regain trust and do my best to earn it.
All I can say is time heals all wounds.
Congatulations on your 35 days. Give things awhile. We didn't turn into drinks overnight and we're not going to solve all our problems overnight, either.
Best to you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,074
For what it's worth, I'm a nurse too. I also went to rehab with a nurse. Substance abuse is very very high amongst healthcare professionals. Dealing with the past has been the hardest thing for me in my recovery. In fact, I got a DUI on the very last day of nursing school and it sent me into a downward spiral. I have found that it takes time and a lot of self forgiveness to overcome the past. I've been told the 4th and 5th step in aa can really help with that too.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Homecarenurse, you might want to try journaling. I really struggled to and felt helpless at times to manage. Someone here suggested journaling and I finally decided to give it a try. Each time I had a horrible memory, I stopped and wrote it down. And, each time, it helped a bit. Yes, it took some time but it helped.
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
I have also lost so much due to addiction. My home, career, children. I have since rebuilt my life, and it was rebuilt on a better foundation. Starting with my family. When your family is strong, it makes it easier to face the world. I'm sorry you are struggling with this. It was a very lonely time in my life. I cannot say that I have maintained sobriety without faltering since then, but I continually strive for it.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Leaving the City of Regret
by: Larry Harp, , Heartwarmers4u
I had not really planned on taking a trip this time of year, and yet I found myself packing rather hurriedly. This trip was going to be unpleasant and I knew in advance that no real good would come of it. I'm talking about my annual "Guilt Trip."
I got tickets to fly there on Wish I Had airlines. It was an extremely short flight. I got my baggage, which I could not check. I chose to carry it myself all the way. It was weighted down with a thousand memories of what might have been. No one greeted me as I entered the terminal to the Regret City International Airport. I say international because people from all over the world come to this dismal town.
As I checked into the Last Resort Hotel, I noticed that they would be hosting the year's most important event, the Annual Pity Party. I wasn't going to miss that great social occasion. Many of the towns leading citizens would be there.
First, there would be the Done family, you know, Should Have, Would Have and Could Have. Then came the I Had family. You probably know ol' Wish and his clan. Of course, the Opportunities would be present, Missed and Lost. The biggest family would be the Yesterday's. There are far too many of them to count, but each one would have a very sad story to share.
Then Shattered Dreams would surely make and appearance. And It's Their Fault would regale us with stories (excuses) about how things had failed in his life, and each story would be loudly applauded by Don't Blame Me and I Couldn't Help It.
Well, to make a long story short, I went to this depressing party knowing that there would be no real benefit in doing so. And, as usual, I became very depressed. But as I thought about all of the stories of failures brought back from the past, it occurred to me that all of this trip and subsequent "pity party" could be cancelled by ME! I started to truly realize that I did not have to be there. I didn't have to be depressed. One thing kept going through my mind, I CAN'T CHANGE YESTERDAY, BUT I DO HAVE THE POWER TO MAKE TODAY A WONDERFUL DAY. I can be happy, joyous, fulfilled, encouraged, as well as encouraging. Knowing this, I left the City of Regret immediately and left no forwarding address. Am I sorry for mistakes I've made in the past? YES! But there is no physical way to undo them.
So, if you're planning a trip back to the City of Regret, please cancel all your reservations now. Instead, take a trip to a place called, Starting Again. I liked it so much that I have now taken up permanent residence there. My neighbors, the I Forgive Myselfs and the New Starts are so very helpful. By the way, you don't have to carry around heavy baggage, because the load is lifted from your shoulders upon arrival. God bless you in finding this great town. If you can find it -- it's in your own heart -- please look me up. I live on I Can Do It street.
Related Stories
by: Larry Harp, , Heartwarmers4u
I had not really planned on taking a trip this time of year, and yet I found myself packing rather hurriedly. This trip was going to be unpleasant and I knew in advance that no real good would come of it. I'm talking about my annual "Guilt Trip."
I got tickets to fly there on Wish I Had airlines. It was an extremely short flight. I got my baggage, which I could not check. I chose to carry it myself all the way. It was weighted down with a thousand memories of what might have been. No one greeted me as I entered the terminal to the Regret City International Airport. I say international because people from all over the world come to this dismal town.
As I checked into the Last Resort Hotel, I noticed that they would be hosting the year's most important event, the Annual Pity Party. I wasn't going to miss that great social occasion. Many of the towns leading citizens would be there.
First, there would be the Done family, you know, Should Have, Would Have and Could Have. Then came the I Had family. You probably know ol' Wish and his clan. Of course, the Opportunities would be present, Missed and Lost. The biggest family would be the Yesterday's. There are far too many of them to count, but each one would have a very sad story to share.
Then Shattered Dreams would surely make and appearance. And It's Their Fault would regale us with stories (excuses) about how things had failed in his life, and each story would be loudly applauded by Don't Blame Me and I Couldn't Help It.
Well, to make a long story short, I went to this depressing party knowing that there would be no real benefit in doing so. And, as usual, I became very depressed. But as I thought about all of the stories of failures brought back from the past, it occurred to me that all of this trip and subsequent "pity party" could be cancelled by ME! I started to truly realize that I did not have to be there. I didn't have to be depressed. One thing kept going through my mind, I CAN'T CHANGE YESTERDAY, BUT I DO HAVE THE POWER TO MAKE TODAY A WONDERFUL DAY. I can be happy, joyous, fulfilled, encouraged, as well as encouraging. Knowing this, I left the City of Regret immediately and left no forwarding address. Am I sorry for mistakes I've made in the past? YES! But there is no physical way to undo them.
So, if you're planning a trip back to the City of Regret, please cancel all your reservations now. Instead, take a trip to a place called, Starting Again. I liked it so much that I have now taken up permanent residence there. My neighbors, the I Forgive Myselfs and the New Starts are so very helpful. By the way, you don't have to carry around heavy baggage, because the load is lifted from your shoulders upon arrival. God bless you in finding this great town. If you can find it -- it's in your own heart -- please look me up. I live on I Can Do It street.
Related Stories
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
sounds really rough right now... but congratulations on your one month!!!
Woulda shoulda coulda will get you nowhere. It's hard not to be in that cycle but you have the power to move out of it.
I like to play One Good Thing.
Because One Good Thing leads to another. So try and find at least One Good Thing every day and every time you catch yourself slipping into wouldacouldashoulda.
I see One Good Thing in your story; with a nursing background, and on the path of sobriety, you have some fantastic assets to bring good in the world, helping others find the path of sobriety as well. I think that those in the medical professions who struggle with and then overcome addiction are among some of the most blessed people there are. You will have credentials AND direct experience. Something that you can hold as a possible outcome of all the pain and challenge you're going through. That your qualifications and experience and your own road to recovery will bring you to a place that will be powerfully GOOD in this world that so deeply needs it.
Being 'stuck' in the replaying of what has been is a dangerous place. I encourage you to actively work on creating a new story. It's hard, but it's not impossible. Try playing One Good Thing as a start... try smiling at yourself in the mirror - no matter how forced it feels - every day. Try giving yourself due congratulations for each day you make it another 24 hours sober. Try writing down some goals for your new story. Everything is possible.... everything.
and keep on keeping on the sober path. You can do it. And it will be wonderful.
Woulda shoulda coulda will get you nowhere. It's hard not to be in that cycle but you have the power to move out of it.
I like to play One Good Thing.
Because One Good Thing leads to another. So try and find at least One Good Thing every day and every time you catch yourself slipping into wouldacouldashoulda.
I see One Good Thing in your story; with a nursing background, and on the path of sobriety, you have some fantastic assets to bring good in the world, helping others find the path of sobriety as well. I think that those in the medical professions who struggle with and then overcome addiction are among some of the most blessed people there are. You will have credentials AND direct experience. Something that you can hold as a possible outcome of all the pain and challenge you're going through. That your qualifications and experience and your own road to recovery will bring you to a place that will be powerfully GOOD in this world that so deeply needs it.
Being 'stuck' in the replaying of what has been is a dangerous place. I encourage you to actively work on creating a new story. It's hard, but it's not impossible. Try playing One Good Thing as a start... try smiling at yourself in the mirror - no matter how forced it feels - every day. Try giving yourself due congratulations for each day you make it another 24 hours sober. Try writing down some goals for your new story. Everything is possible.... everything.
and keep on keeping on the sober path. You can do it. And it will be wonderful.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,366
Hi Homecarenurse
I think you need to remember you've had a lot happen recently. All that is tough to move on from...but you will
You're clean, you're in recovery and you still have the support of family and friends - those are great things to build on - give yourself a little time
D
I think you need to remember you've had a lot happen recently. All that is tough to move on from...but you will
You're clean, you're in recovery and you still have the support of family and friends - those are great things to build on - give yourself a little time
D
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Homecarenurse - I was the same way in the early days. I was very relieved to be free of alcohol, but then I had to face all my guilt and regret. I mentioned it here and was advised to be kind & patient with myself - to allow myself to move past those bad times - or it could lead me back to drinking. Take it easy on yourself - you're doing great - things will continue to get better and the past will fade away. 
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