Lack of obsession?
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Lack of obsession?
A lot of people here talk about obsession, but so far that hasn't hit me. When I think about quitting drinking, my biggest issue isn't 'today' as it is for a lot of people, it's that I get overwhelmed when I think about the future - (what am I going to do for the weekend? what about my friend's wedding next month? what about when I go to the races?)
The one day at a time part has come really easy to me so far. Weirdly easy. This isn't intended as a brag - I'm concerned about when it is going to hit. Most people deal with it straight away I guess, but I feel a bit paralysed waiting for it to happen because I don't know how I am going to handle it.
And there's a part of me that gets cocky and thinks I'll be able to go to bars etc without drinking no problemo - which I do not think is really true. It also makes me think I never *really* had a drinking problem in the first place if I find staying off it so simple, but I know that is not really true given the trouble I got myself into and how bad I felt.
Thoughts?
The one day at a time part has come really easy to me so far. Weirdly easy. This isn't intended as a brag - I'm concerned about when it is going to hit. Most people deal with it straight away I guess, but I feel a bit paralysed waiting for it to happen because I don't know how I am going to handle it.
And there's a part of me that gets cocky and thinks I'll be able to go to bars etc without drinking no problemo - which I do not think is really true. It also makes me think I never *really* had a drinking problem in the first place if I find staying off it so simple, but I know that is not really true given the trouble I got myself into and how bad I felt.
Thoughts?
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Originally Posted by kiki1988 
A lot of people here talk about obsession, but so far that hasn't hit me. When I think about quitting drinking, my biggest issue isn't 'today' as it is for a lot of people, it's that I get overwhelmed when I think about the future - (what am I going to do for the weekend? what about my friend's wedding next month? what about when I go to the races?)
The one day at a time part has come really easy to me so far. Weirdly easy. This isn't intended as a brag - I'm concerned about when it is going to hit. Most people deal with it straight away I guess, but I feel a bit paralysed waiting for it to happen because I don't know how I am going to handle it.
And there's a part of me that gets cocky and thinks I'll be able to go to bars etc without drinking no problemo - which I do not think is really true. It also makes me think I never *really* had a drinking problem in the first place if I find staying off it so simple, but I know that is not really true given the trouble I got myself into and how bad I felt.
Thoughts?
The one day at a time part has come really easy to me so far. Weirdly easy. This isn't intended as a brag - I'm concerned about when it is going to hit. Most people deal with it straight away I guess, but I feel a bit paralysed waiting for it to happen because I don't know how I am going to handle it.
And there's a part of me that gets cocky and thinks I'll be able to go to bars etc without drinking no problemo - which I do not think is really true. It also makes me think I never *really* had a drinking problem in the first place if I find staying off it so simple, but I know that is not really true given the trouble I got myself into and how bad I felt.
Thoughts?
Just be aware that the A.V can strike at any time, don't anticipate it as such but just be aware that it is there ready to pounce and then recognise it for what it is! The A.V!
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Some people have a daily struggle and for others it's more of a forever thing...
I think running ahead mentally and thinking about all the occasions where you might want to drink, or are sad you can't is every bit an obsession as someone who wakes up and needs to drink.
I've had both. To me, they're just different manifestations of the same thing.
D
I think running ahead mentally and thinking about all the occasions where you might want to drink, or are sad you can't is every bit an obsession as someone who wakes up and needs to drink.
I've had both. To me, they're just different manifestations of the same thing.
D
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Originally Posted by Pipefish
Was just about to say what Dee just said...
How can projecting into the future about situations involving alcohol be anything other than obsession?
How can projecting into the future about situations involving alcohol be anything other than obsession?
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Concern for the Future and behaviors that May Arise can always be there...and It's good that You are asking for Advice - Better than being Blind-Sided Later...
Mostly, all We can do is Realize these things can come up, and Perhaps - if We can, make some sort of a Plan, just in Case. One thing I can say, for sure, is that THAT Future may be long enough away that We might just be OK there...Whereas, right away, I'm sure You know that these kind of Mixed social Gatherings may be difficult to Deal with in Early sobriety...
Mostly, all We can do is Realize these things can come up, and Perhaps - if We can, make some sort of a Plan, just in Case. One thing I can say, for sure, is that THAT Future may be long enough away that We might just be OK there...Whereas, right away, I'm sure You know that these kind of Mixed social Gatherings may be difficult to Deal with in Early sobriety...
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Yeah I have planned my whole weekend around doing fun stuff not in bars, and with people who either don't drink or don't drink a lot. I miss my favourite bar a lot, but I know there is not a chance I would stay sober if I went there.
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kiki - You always seem to be Regarding Many aspects of what it may be like to be Sober and Healthy - At Least You are not taking all of this from a "Back Seat" point of View- You Really seem to have a genuine concern and not afraid to Ask the Questions...Why the Heck not? It's Your Right...All the Power to You...
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Originally Posted by kiki1988
A lot of people here talk about obsession, but so far that hasn't hit me. When I think about quitting drinking, my biggest issue isn't 'today' as it is for a lot of people, it's that I get overwhelmed when I think about the future - (what am I going to do for the weekend? what about my friend's wedding next month? what about when I go to the races?)
The one day at a time part has come really easy to me so far. Weirdly easy. This isn't intended as a brag - I'm concerned about when it is going to hit. Most people deal with it straight away I guess, but I feel a bit paralysed waiting for it to happen because I don't know how I am going to handle it.
And there's a part of me that gets cocky and thinks I'll be able to go to bars etc without drinking no problemo - which I do not think is really true. It also makes me think I never *really* had a drinking problem in the first place if I find staying off it so simple, but I know that is not really true given the trouble I got myself into and how bad I felt.
Thoughts?
The one day at a time part has come really easy to me so far. Weirdly easy. This isn't intended as a brag - I'm concerned about when it is going to hit. Most people deal with it straight away I guess, but I feel a bit paralysed waiting for it to happen because I don't know how I am going to handle it.
And there's a part of me that gets cocky and thinks I'll be able to go to bars etc without drinking no problemo - which I do not think is really true. It also makes me think I never *really* had a drinking problem in the first place if I find staying off it so simple, but I know that is not really true given the trouble I got myself into and how bad I felt.
Thoughts?
You seem to be entirely missing the point of one day at a time. The whole idea of it is to NOT be concerned about the future. To know that the future is truly just a bunch of "todays". If we live only in today, and we choose not to drink a day at a time, it's a done deal. It's pretty much the exact opposite of what you're stating. When people really have the not drinking today thing grasped, tomorrow doesn't even exist. I know, seems at first like we're BSing ourselves a bit, but in actuality it's a lot more real than contemplating the struggles tomorrow might bring. Tomorrow is nothing more than an idea, or thought.
I kept alcohol on a back burner for a little over a year when I stopped. Lived every one of those days one day at time. I told myself I would drink, if I had to or wanted to desperately enough, tomorrow. Which never came. I had to do that, for reasons I don't have time to write about. Staying in the present day kept me sober for that year, and the foundation that was laid during that time has kept me sober for 28 and a half more. Wasn't till well over my first year that I was able to say I have no intention of ever drinking again. And don't want to ever drink again.
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Originally Posted by diffingo911
kiki - You always seem to be Regarding Many aspects of what it may be like to be Sober and Healthy - At Least You are not taking all of this from a "Back Seat" point of View- You Really seem to have a genuine concern and not afraid to Ask the Questions...Why the Heck not? It's Your Right...All the Power to You...
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No, No - I didn't Mean You overthink things - Just that You seem to NOT be Afraid to Ask the Questions...How will You ever Learn, if You don't ask, Right? That's what I mean - You seem to not ever stop asking and that's a Good Thing. It shows You Really Care and want something...what the He__?
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Originally Posted by Joe Nerv
Not sure how to say this....
You seem to be entirely missing the point of one day at a time. The whole idea of it is to NOT be concerned about the future. To know that the future is truly just a bunch of "todays". If we live only in today, and we choose not to drink a day at a time, it's a done deal. It's pretty much the exact opposite of what you're stating. When people really have the not drinking today thing grasped, tomorrow doesn't even exist. I know, seems at first like we're BSing ourselves a bit, but in actuality it's a lot more real than contemplating the struggles tomorrow might bring. Tomorrow is nothing more than an idea, or thought.
You seem to be entirely missing the point of one day at a time. The whole idea of it is to NOT be concerned about the future. To know that the future is truly just a bunch of "todays". If we live only in today, and we choose not to drink a day at a time, it's a done deal. It's pretty much the exact opposite of what you're stating. When people really have the not drinking today thing grasped, tomorrow doesn't even exist. I know, seems at first like we're BSing ourselves a bit, but in actuality it's a lot more real than contemplating the struggles tomorrow might bring. Tomorrow is nothing more than an idea, or thought.
If you have any handy tips on how not to think about what the future might bring and stay in the now - they would be much appreciated!
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Originally Posted by kiki1988
If you have any handy tips on how not to think about what the future might bring and stay in the now - they would be much appreciated!
If I might make a suggestion, I'd say just roll with it. I was told not to beat myself up over my thoughts, and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. There will be challenging times. There will be times you'll wish you could drink. There will be times where sobriety isn't much fun at all, and it all seems pointless, but you can get through those times just like many of us have. Those times don't last forever, and get fewer and fewer. I now have 0 desire to drink. I don't miss alcohol. I don't want alcohol. My life is unfathomably more interesting, peaceful, exciting, full, and happy without alcohol. I couldn't say that my first year of sobriety.
Only other thing I could suggest offhand is the book Living Sober. Have you picked that up yet? Was an invaluable tool for me. Lots of simple, practical tips and wisdom to help with staying away from the first drink, and living in the now. Easy reading too, and very little (if any) god talk.
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Originally Posted by Joe Nerv
Only other thing I could suggest offhand is the book Living Sober. Have you picked that up yet? Was an invaluable tool for me. Lots of simple, practical tips and wisdom to help with staying away from the first drink, and living in the now. Easy reading too, and very little (if any) god talk.
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Two books helped here:
1) Mindfulness for Beginners, Kabat-zinn
2) The Power of Now, Tolle
Good luck...btw living in the past of future is one the traits of addictive mindset, from my experience at least. I could never living in the moment unless I was drunk or high. Then the drugs and alcohol became unsustainable so I had to learn how to do this naturally. This does not come from osmosis though - lots of hard work to learn these skills. Once you get here is pretty Fing good though.
1) Mindfulness for Beginners, Kabat-zinn
2) The Power of Now, Tolle
Good luck...btw living in the past of future is one the traits of addictive mindset, from my experience at least. I could never living in the moment unless I was drunk or high. Then the drugs and alcohol became unsustainable so I had to learn how to do this naturally. This does not come from osmosis though - lots of hard work to learn these skills. Once you get here is pretty Fing good though.
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