Scream!!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 46
Scream!!!!
I feel soooo stuuupid! I let him back in with me at our house. He has done so much over the last 2 years all over his oxy addiction. He changed into a different person like night and day between the lying and stealing. He has another short while off of oxys (smoking them) and percocets after I once again caught him a few months ago relapsing when I found him smoking a pill in the garage. He then started working for a short while and there was no signs of use with a few clean UAs when all the sudden a month ago for one entire day/night he pulled a disappearing act and got a DUI for driving up a street the wrong way and being completely out of it. He got out of jail 6 days ago and is on probation now and probation was supposed to start testing him. Well that hasn't happened. They gave him an alcohol monitor. Alcohol isn't a problem for him its opiates. He has no truck (impounded) and went to court today and now comes home and has no pupils and has slower speech and is just acting different all around. Im so irritated!!!! angry! Just accused him and now he says that his mom gave him tramadol for his hurt elbow and that he also took some Dayquil. Tramadol? hmmm is this drug seeking behavior? I'm seeing mixed reviews on if tramadol gets you high. The rule of my home is NO Drugs and especially pain meds for him to be here. So angry at his enabling mom too!!!!! I have been through so much with him and had enough emotional and financial setbacks from his oxy addiction. I'm livid. Can't tell if its really this tramadol pill or a narcotic.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 6
Girl, it's the drugs tramadol if you take a lot of them can get you a similar high but not like normal Percocet. My husband is a recovery abuser he is in rehab now actually and you know what go with your intuition I did and it was always right.. Prayers sent your way, kick him out and let him live with his mom it will be the best thing for him .
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 46
Thankyou, glad your husband is taking steps toward recovery. YES Yes my intuition is always right. Well, I read that tramadol won't show up as an opiate on a test so I offered to give him the benefit of the doubt that he innocently(yah right!) took the tramadol not thinking it was wrong to take and basically like a tylenol, even though it has been made VERY clear no pills of any sort when living in my home. By his behavior he seemed very high more like when he is on oxys. I told him he will need to test on the spot to prove its not an opiate,or be out of the house, well he left and without his alcohol monitor ...so he pretty much answered my question and will miss his required breath test every two hours. Yes, he can go live with mommy since she wants to hand him pills and advise that these kind are okay. Even if they don't get him high they plant the seed for him to get what will get him high. Sad. Next week he had an appoint for medical and was wanting to try to get on Naltrexone to block opiates. Just venting.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Tramadol IS an oppiate. It has an antidepressant included but its the same as taking Percocet. Same high as Percocet....just a few mg less....we all know how addicts solve that problem right?
He's quacking if he says trams don't get him high! What does your gut tell you?
He's quacking if he says trams don't get him high! What does your gut tell you?
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
hi uncaged, sounds like he's not in the spirit of recovery even if he took a pill his mother gave him, if she did. Sounds like he may be back in jail soon if he's on parole. I think he'll be happier living with his mother don't you?
How are you feeling through all this?
How are you feeling through all this?
Recovered People Pleaser
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Heart of Dixie
Posts: 391
A drug is a drug is a drug. They call it Clean and Sober for a reason. Clean does not equal sober and he is still using. That means nothing that comes out of his mouth is believable. Nada.
You have to set an enforce boundaries. Boundaries are not rules for the A but a minimum data set (not a flipping wish list) that you put forth in order to remain in relationship with someone. Anyone (friends, husband, children parents). Boundaries have consequences (actions you will take) should they be violated. You can count on an active A to test those boundaries. (Why Shouldn't they? They too have heard the same thing over and over with no results : ) ) If you set a boundary and do not enforce it, you're telling people it is ok for them to mistreat, use or abuse you Because your own word..is no good. If you don't respect yourself, why should others?
Consider your boundaries & consequences carefully. Say what you mean, mean what you say (& try not to say it mean). If you won't follow through with the consequence, don't say it. Boundaries are about taking action rather than re-acting to a situation. I set the minimum First and can add to it later if I need too.
Boundaries are a reflection of my self-respect and a lack of them invites disrespect. Becoming financially independent (Separating Finances was essential) and other measures were necessary so that I had the Legal means to enforce my boundaries. I no longer enable. Your recovery is on you just like mine is on me. I am a good person, you don't have to like me, but you will not disrespect me in my own home and remain in relationship with me. I am no longer influenced by words (only actions).
My boundaries are reasonable, your approval is not necessary. Example: You hit me, I press charges, get a order of protection and you reside elsewhere. You take my car..I report it stolen. I find pills (legal or not); I will not confront you nor seek your permission, I simply flush em. If you are in jail, I do not accept collect calls, sign bonds nor do visiting day. You can write me with your "free" letter if you like.
Believe me it's tougher on your heart to say (& mean it) these things to your child..than to your spouse. But If you don't say them to your spouse....one day you WILL be saying them to your child (it is a cycle)..cause you will know their life is at stake and you will do what you can to raise their bottom and keep your sanity in the process and eventually you figure out...I have these rights with strangers because I am a human being..I certainly have the right to be treated as a human being by those in my own household. See we can still be related, but I choose whom I live with and under what circumstances..always there is a choice, I am a volunteer and I am only responsible for me.
It takes practice and you may have to start small and develop a bit of confidence as you go, but it does get easier and you would be surprised at how quickly they become effective. They are empowering and freeing and well worth a bit of discomfort (detachment) or initial inconvenience.
You have to set an enforce boundaries. Boundaries are not rules for the A but a minimum data set (not a flipping wish list) that you put forth in order to remain in relationship with someone. Anyone (friends, husband, children parents). Boundaries have consequences (actions you will take) should they be violated. You can count on an active A to test those boundaries. (Why Shouldn't they? They too have heard the same thing over and over with no results : ) ) If you set a boundary and do not enforce it, you're telling people it is ok for them to mistreat, use or abuse you Because your own word..is no good. If you don't respect yourself, why should others?
Consider your boundaries & consequences carefully. Say what you mean, mean what you say (& try not to say it mean). If you won't follow through with the consequence, don't say it. Boundaries are about taking action rather than re-acting to a situation. I set the minimum First and can add to it later if I need too.
Boundaries are a reflection of my self-respect and a lack of them invites disrespect. Becoming financially independent (Separating Finances was essential) and other measures were necessary so that I had the Legal means to enforce my boundaries. I no longer enable. Your recovery is on you just like mine is on me. I am a good person, you don't have to like me, but you will not disrespect me in my own home and remain in relationship with me. I am no longer influenced by words (only actions).
My boundaries are reasonable, your approval is not necessary. Example: You hit me, I press charges, get a order of protection and you reside elsewhere. You take my car..I report it stolen. I find pills (legal or not); I will not confront you nor seek your permission, I simply flush em. If you are in jail, I do not accept collect calls, sign bonds nor do visiting day. You can write me with your "free" letter if you like.
Believe me it's tougher on your heart to say (& mean it) these things to your child..than to your spouse. But If you don't say them to your spouse....one day you WILL be saying them to your child (it is a cycle)..cause you will know their life is at stake and you will do what you can to raise their bottom and keep your sanity in the process and eventually you figure out...I have these rights with strangers because I am a human being..I certainly have the right to be treated as a human being by those in my own household. See we can still be related, but I choose whom I live with and under what circumstances..always there is a choice, I am a volunteer and I am only responsible for me.
It takes practice and you may have to start small and develop a bit of confidence as you go, but it does get easier and you would be surprised at how quickly they become effective. They are empowering and freeing and well worth a bit of discomfort (detachment) or initial inconvenience.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 46
Originally Posted by cleaninLI 
Tramadol IS an oppiate. It has an antidepressant included but its the same as taking Percocet. Same high as Percocet....just a few mg less....we all know how addicts solve that problem right?
He's quacking if he says trams don't get him high! What does your gut tell you?
He's quacking if he says trams don't get him high! What does your gut tell you?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 46
Originally Posted by Ifnotforgrace
A drug is a drug is a drug. They call it Clean and Sober for a reason. Clean does not equal sober and he is still using. That means nothing that comes out of his mouth is believable. Nada.
You have to set an enforce boundaries. Boundaries are not rules for the A but a minimum data set (not a flipping wish list) that you put forth in order to remain in relationship with someone. Anyone (friends, husband, children parents). Boundaries have consequences (actions you will take) should they be violated. You can count on an active A to test those boundaries. (Why Shouldn't they? They too have heard the same thing over and over with no results : ) ) If you set a boundary and do not enforce it, you're telling people it is ok for them to mistreat, use or abuse you Because your own word..is no good. If you don't respect yourself, why should others?
Consider your boundaries & consequences carefully. Say what you mean, mean what you say (& try not to say it mean). If you won't follow through with the consequence, don't say it. Boundaries are about taking action rather than re-acting to a situation. I set the minimum First and can add to it later if I need too.
Boundaries are a reflection of my self-respect and a lack of them invites disrespect. Becoming financially independent (Separating Finances was essential) and other measures were necessary so that I had the Legal means to enforce my boundaries. I no longer enable. Your recovery is on you just like mine is on me. I am a good person, you don't have to like me, but you will not disrespect me in my own home and remain in relationship with me. I am no longer influenced by words (only actions).
My boundaries are reasonable, your approval is not necessary. Example: You hit me, I press charges, get a order of protection and you reside elsewhere. You take my car..I report it stolen. I find pills (legal or not); I will not confront you nor seek your permission, I simply flush em. If you are in jail, I do not accept collect calls, sign bonds nor do visiting day. You can write me with your "free" letter if you like.
Believe me it's tougher on your heart to say (& mean it) these things to your child..than to your spouse. But If you don't say them to your spouse....one day you WILL be saying them to your child (it is a cycle)..cause you will know their life is at stake and you will do what you can to raise their bottom and keep your sanity in the process and eventually you figure out...I have these rights with strangers because I am a human being..I certainly have the right to be treated as a human being by those in my own household. See we can still be related, but I choose whom I live with and under what circumstances..always there is a choice, I am a volunteer and I am only responsible for me.
It takes practice and you may have to start small and develop a bit of confidence as you go, but it does get easier and you would be surprised at how quickly they become effective. They are empowering and freeing and well worth a bit of discomfort (detachment) or initial inconvenience.
You have to set an enforce boundaries. Boundaries are not rules for the A but a minimum data set (not a flipping wish list) that you put forth in order to remain in relationship with someone. Anyone (friends, husband, children parents). Boundaries have consequences (actions you will take) should they be violated. You can count on an active A to test those boundaries. (Why Shouldn't they? They too have heard the same thing over and over with no results : ) ) If you set a boundary and do not enforce it, you're telling people it is ok for them to mistreat, use or abuse you Because your own word..is no good. If you don't respect yourself, why should others?
Consider your boundaries & consequences carefully. Say what you mean, mean what you say (& try not to say it mean). If you won't follow through with the consequence, don't say it. Boundaries are about taking action rather than re-acting to a situation. I set the minimum First and can add to it later if I need too.
Boundaries are a reflection of my self-respect and a lack of them invites disrespect. Becoming financially independent (Separating Finances was essential) and other measures were necessary so that I had the Legal means to enforce my boundaries. I no longer enable. Your recovery is on you just like mine is on me. I am a good person, you don't have to like me, but you will not disrespect me in my own home and remain in relationship with me. I am no longer influenced by words (only actions).
My boundaries are reasonable, your approval is not necessary. Example: You hit me, I press charges, get a order of protection and you reside elsewhere. You take my car..I report it stolen. I find pills (legal or not); I will not confront you nor seek your permission, I simply flush em. If you are in jail, I do not accept collect calls, sign bonds nor do visiting day. You can write me with your "free" letter if you like.
Believe me it's tougher on your heart to say (& mean it) these things to your child..than to your spouse. But If you don't say them to your spouse....one day you WILL be saying them to your child (it is a cycle)..cause you will know their life is at stake and you will do what you can to raise their bottom and keep your sanity in the process and eventually you figure out...I have these rights with strangers because I am a human being..I certainly have the right to be treated as a human being by those in my own household. See we can still be related, but I choose whom I live with and under what circumstances..always there is a choice, I am a volunteer and I am only responsible for me.
It takes practice and you may have to start small and develop a bit of confidence as you go, but it does get easier and you would be surprised at how quickly they become effective. They are empowering and freeing and well worth a bit of discomfort (detachment) or initial inconvenience.
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