Boobeary

Hi all,
I'm new here. Day 2 for me, and feeling better than I thought I would. Good news right? Anyway, here is what I'm afraid of:

I am friends with a humongous group of people that meet every weekend to ski throughout the winter. In the next couple of weeks, there will be so many get-togethers to celebrate spring skiing, nice weather, longer days, etc. I am so afraid that I won't make it through without messing up.

A little info about me to explain: I'm married and my husband does not know I'm an alcoholic - I'm a pro at sneaking drinks and he's very unobservant. None of my friends know either. I haven't talked about about my problem with anyone except my doctor because I'm embarrassed, and I don't want them to think less of me.

So. I am afraid to hang out with my friends (all drinkers). If it were just one party, I know I could do it, but it's not. It's a bunch of them. Right now it seems like a marathon of parties, and I am afraid.

Thanks for listening.

Dee74

Hi Boobeary

Thats a tough one.

I had to change my life because my life revolved around drinking - there was always a get together or a party or a gig (I was a musician).

Going to a party meant one of two things - I either drank there, or I didn't drink there, was miserable and grouchy as heck, and more often than not I drank later.

If you don't feel you can tell your husband or your friends, that a pretty nasty corner to be painted into.

I was a secret drinker too, until I wasn't. My drinking progressed to the point that my problem became obvious.

I think sooner or later you're going to have to let someone know, whether it's your husband, your friends or a Dr or counsellor.

Get some support and find the strength to make some changes - as tough as it is, you'll look back and be glad you did, I promise

Anna

I don't think you need to tell your friends, but it would sure help to talk to your husband. And, honestly, I would give up the skiing/party crowd if I were you. I wouldn't be where I am today if I hadn't made major changes in my life. I think you need to decide what's really important.

ontherightpath

Awe, Im sorry that you have to go through this. However, it means so much that you are aware! Thats a huge step in the right direction. You have been given a gift, so to speak. The fogginess of our addiction clouds what we think is real and what isnt. I thought I fooled alot of people, until I came clean and they maybe didnt know 100%, but they had their suspicions. Honesty ended up being my best policy. And not one of them turned their back on me, in fact it made our friendships and relationships that much stronger. And for those that tried to talk me out of my alcoholism, well, we arent friends like we were before, and THANK GOODNESS! (I found out that really the only thing we had in common was getting wasted together) Just go easy on yourself and use your best judgement. Your alcoholism is on YOU, not them. Dont let them decide whats best for you. Here you are reaching out for help, and thats fantastic. This is YOUR chance at recovery. If any of them came to you and told you they were an alcoholic would you stop including them in your activities? Would you think any less of them? Maybe you dont need to shout it from the rooftops, but if you want to stay sober more than you want to have drinks with friends, youll find a way to get through it. Best wishes! xoxo

least

Welcome to the SR family. I'm glad you joined us.

beatle

I was like you Boobeary. I was a master at hiding drinks from my wife, and was involved in group activities that involved drinking. Closet drinking is an insidious and often dangerous routine. You feel a sense of challenge drinking behind closed doors then performing in front of others, almost a high in itself. However, and I say this from experience; it will get worse. Eventually the closed door will open, and others will see. By that time, you will be in a very dark and scary place. It's time you open up to your husband, you have no need to be ashamed. If you do not, I guarantee you will regret it down the road. That is a promise.

KateL

Welcome Boobeary xxxxx

Treerat66

Hi Boobeary,
I would say my recovery really started when I told my wife. She initially said I didn't have a problem. But after I pointed out my red flags she started supporting me, making sure I had a cup of tea in my hand before anyone could get a beer or wine there.