parnellatwood

Hi! I posted here yesterday and spent much of the day after that reading stuff on here (did not drink for the first time in months; also, incidentally, was unable to sleep.)

I want slash need to stop drinking every day. But do I really have to give up the concept of binge drinking with family or friends when the occasion arises? I'm frustrated with my inability to not drink every goddamn day. But if I broke that habit, couldn't I go out with friends and get smashed only every once and a while and be a normal twenty-something? And when I go on family vacation, can't I drink bud light all day like everyone else and then stop when the vacation is over?

I do not know if I can do that and be okay otherwise, because I've never been out from under the daily drinking habit to test such a theory. But if I could that would be ideal. My problem has never been that when I binge drink I lose my ****. I drink more than most people when I go out with people, and I do end up drinker than most, but not by much. No one, literally no one in my life but me, has ever suggested I have a drinking problem.

But my problem is that in order to get out from under the daily drinking habit, I need help from some group or something because I definitely can't do it on my own; trying and failing for the better part of two years made that pretty clear.

The reason that's a problem is that if my goal is to be a binge drinker with family and friends, that's by no means sobriety, so what right do I have to ask for help from groups who help people get sober?

What is wrong with my logic? Because something has got to be wrong somewhere.

Treerat66

Read a few of the posts on here and you will find you are not the first to think this way.

parnellatwood

I've seen a few others say this, here and elsewhere that I've read. But does what's true for one person have to be true for everyone else?

How can I find out? Should I give up on support groups and this site and just get a therapist?

FreeOwl

sounds like something I've wondered before....

didn't work for me.

Anna

You want to set a goal to become a binge drinker?

How about setting a goal to get more education, to get a good job, to own a home, to have a family?

Treerat66

There will always be exceptions but most of us find we aren't strong enough to control our drinking. If you could you would be able to control your daily drinking.

parnellatwood

What I want to know is not, can I do it? I figure only I'll find that out. What I want to know is, if that's what I'm trying to do, is it ... Okay to use sobriety support groups and that sort of thing to get me through the days, and to learn how to live on a regular basis without drinking? Is that a weird question?

Also, Anna, you're right. I would love to have goals like that. But what I mean is, that would be my goal in regard to alcohol ...

OpioPhobe

Parnellat - for what's it's worth I found that once the addiction genie is out of the bottle there is no getting him back in. I wouldn't want to be an occasional user even if I could because it would be mental torture for me to try to exercise that level of self control all the time. It would be an absolute nightmare.

I guess a question for you is why do you find the thought of binge drinking appealing? Even if it was possible to not go back into the daily drinking rut is that something you really want?

FreeOwl

I've been around this SR forum for a few months and spent a fair bit of time in the rooms of AA.

I can tell you that I've seen a lot of people - and even BEEN one of them - come into the forums and the rooms trying to 'use' them for support not to STOP drinking, but to attempt to CONTROL drinking.

I myself have tried to fool myself that I wasn't "like them". Just needed a little reminder and some help making sure I didn't get out of hand. Looking at "them" as a warning so as not to let it get too bad... at least I'm not THAT bad.... etc.

None of us can judge whether you're right or wrong. If we're doing it right, we've got our own inventory to take, our own sobriety to work.

My opinion is that if you have enough of a concern regarding your use of alcohol to find yourself exploring addiction forums, then you have enough of a concern to be here.

Your specific goals and motives are your business. Learn what you can, try what it is you're feeling compelled to, and remain open to learn what you can from the experience.

jaynie04

Are you trying to understand if this is the right place for you to learn how to moderate your drinking? I am sorry, just trying to understand you question.

parnellatwood

I'm trying to understand whether it's ... Dishonest and disrespectful to others to use support groups and websites where people are trying to stay completely sober to pursue a different goal.

I don't even know for sure that it's what I want. Maybe talking to people about this stuff and learning will convince me it isn't. I don't know. I want to know if it's disrespectful and dishonest to be here or to go to an aa meeting.

ClearLight

First - what makes you think a "normal" youngish person binge drinks? I suggest you widen your circle of friends to get a more realistic view of the world.

Sure you can! Is it extremely dangerous given that you're already having problems controlling your drinking? Yup.

FreeOwl

A lot of us have been there. I don't see it as disrespectful and certainly the way you're approaching it by coming right out and telling us doesn't seem dishonest.

topspin

Congrats on day 1 !!

I'm pretty sure everyone on this forum was pretty terriffied at the prospect of giving up alcohol early on. Picture yourself giving it up for a week ?

A drug counselor asked me to do that our first meeting , initially I was shocked, but about a half hour later, riding home.and it felt like a great weight had been lifted (as I processed it )
....it was the first time I'd realized I must've stepped over the line somewhere and uncounsiously been thinking; I have to drink today
....anyway, that week sober was the first in 5 years .

The start of a whole new life, I never saw coming or could've imagined.


You may want to challenge your thinking about what "normal twenty somethings" actually do. I was so emersed in a daily drinking culture, it was a HUGE surprise to see the world thru a different lense.

You can give yourself permission to do anything you want, including not drinking for, say; .. 3 months.

Just a small amount of time compared to what "normal twenty something " girls do,...... during a pregnancy.

How about today, ....do you plan not to drink again ?

What does that feel like ?

Welcome to SR

jaynie04

You are thoughtful to be so considerate. None of us want to recruit you….I believe it is courageous and intelligent to be examining where you are at. There are programs that address moderation management, harm reduction, etc. We all share our stories and experiences, many of us are shocked by the similarities despite our broad differences. Usually there is some comfort in that at first, and then a lot of us have a stutter step, we feel resistant and uncomfortable. At that point many of us attend to the differences instead of the similarities. History has borne out that the majority of us have learned that continuing to drink when it is causing negative effects on our lives is indeed a red flag. When an inert substance is having profound effect on your lifestyle it is definitely worth taking a hard look at what is going on.

I don't believe moderation is a skill you can acquire, I believe it an inherent behavior in most people. Some of us could or have tried to perhaps drink in moderation if we were to summon all of our mental strength. But in having to exert so much energy to stay within the lines we are still letting alcohol run the show. It is like having a car that keeps pulling hard to the left, we might be able to fight it and get around for a while, but at some point it is easier to just address the problem.

You will hear here that once you become a cucumber you can't go back to being a pickle. None of us want you to be a cucumber, only you can decide. But what we can offer is our stories and hope.

Coltybear

I haven't been on here long but I've been sober 3 weeks. When I saw an addictions counsellor last year, the idea of never drinking again was so far from imaginable I thought it was ridiculous. What about at restaurants, Christmas parties, Saturday night hockey games? I figured I'd just cut out the "bad" daily drinking and drink like "normal people". I realized very soon, as you may, that "normal drinking" doesn't happen for me. I'm not normal. And I never will be. I can't do moderation and 1 drink always leads to a dozen drinks, which leads to drinking the next day and the next..... It feels like an unattainable goal right now, I know, but if you're reaching out to addiction support groups I think you know it's a real problem deep down. Just don't drink today. And check back in tomorrow. Good luck.

parnellatwood

I don't know if these were meant to be rhetorical questions, but I'm going to answer them :p

No. I do not. I tried to find an aa meeting but there aren't any in my area late enough tonight for my schedule, so I'm going first thing in the morning.

Frankly for now it feels wonderful. Yesterday I was working on a writing project and for once I wasn't fighting with the fog in my brain. It was really nice. I'm hoping this evening is the same.

Mistical

I've had this thought oh so many times! I just want to drink socially with friends & family & not be the one left out. It's a nice little lie my addiction has told me too many times to count & I always end up back at square one! I honestly can't wrap my brain around never ever drinking again so I focus on not drinking today! I know how hard the struggle is so no judgement here! I just hope at some point we can all realize how amazing & fun we are without having to down the beers to bring our "fun sides" out.

Coldfusion

One of the reasons SoberRecovery is open 24 / 7 is that recovering alcoholics suffer from insomnia.

FreeOwl

^I can so relate.

One thing that I find myself kind of marveling at is how many situations and people there are that involve alcohol....

Can it really BE that in order for people to be included and have FUN there must be alcohol??

No... it cannot... and here's why I know that to be true; Children.

Watch children at play. Observe the pure joy that children carry with them.

Children are the essence of Human before wounds and stress and expectations and perceptions shaped them....

Why does society have such a powerful emphasis on needing to get loaded to relax, have fun, experience joy?

And - indeed.... IS IT REALLY EVEN relaxation, fun or Joy at all - if one must drink poison to experience it?