painter

It has been so long. I am so grateful that my AD has been clean and sober for one year yesterday. She now has a full time job. Her own car, pays her way thru life. But she is still in the process of maturing from the drugs. She was 18 when she started and is now 31. She has 4 children, the father is in prison for the next 6 years. The problem is that she is choosing the wrong men. That upset me cause of the children. Right now the guy she is with says he cannot handle all four of her children, so the two oldest one are back living with me. In my mind she has chosen this "man" over her children. These two children have been thru hell in their life and the oldest boy really has alot of anger issues.I am trying to give these two children a safe, loving home. But because of my age, health and disabled husband it is getting harder every day. Guess my question is how long does it take for an addicts brain to heal? Or do anyone think this is just another selfish act on the part of a self centered person?
Guess part of me just wants to vent. So tired and worn out, I just want life to give me a break and for my AD to be what she should be. Thoughts???

Kindeyes

I have no wise words for you. I suspect you are doing what your heart tells you to do regarding those two older children. But being tired and worn out.....I do understand. Children can be exhausting......

As far as how long it takes the brain to recooperate from drug use? I don't know but I suspect it takes almost as long as they were using. If you think about it, drugs are a replacement coping mechanism so they don't develop the maturity and coping skills that they should during those years. Hopefully it will improve with each passing year.....

How old are the children?

Please remember to take some time to take care of you.

hugs
ke

hopeful4

Is she in counseling of any sort? It sounds like she has a need to put these men before the needs of her children which is quite alarming really. An addicts brain takes a long time to heal, but unless she gets treatment for her underlying issues of why she makes the choices she does and why she behaves in this way she won't heal. The addiction is alot of times just a symptom of what is really wrong.

I hope she seeks counseling and that the kids get the counseling they need also!

Good Luck and God Bless! So sorry for all you are going through!

Txhelp

You sound like such a caring mother....putting you in a predicament of raising your two oldest grandchildren doesn't sound like a healthy recovery on her part. She is still self centered.

Counseling for you and grandchildren may help. However, she needs to step up regardless of what her BF wants....that is not your problem.

CodeJob

Painter-
You are trying. Thank you. You probably don't hear that enough.

I too wonder if the kids need counseling for an objective outlet. Is there anyone who can help with their activities or become a mentor for them to help you get a break and widen their adult exposure? Big Brother program or church youth groups? Other relatives? You need to pull in resources. Maybe your daughter needs to help work on that? Maybe you need to ask her what her long term plans are because you are a short term solution due to your own health issues.

Peace and resolve. It is so difficult to see kids get mixed up with addiction and bear the brunt of what goes wrong.

Ann

It sounds very selfish on her part, Painter, but those children are blessed to have you. I hope they can help around the house as you and your husband could sure use a hand.

Keeping you all in my prayers.

Hugs

Firefall

Same question here as painter

painter

Wow, thanks so much for all the replies. It is so good to talk and listen to someone who understands. I live in a small town and there is no help her at all.I have tried everything I know. School, no help, no counselors here that don't cost at the least 150.00 an hour. The oldest grandson is who holds the anger. She has abandoned him twice. His father is in prison for the next 6 years.I can't blame the child for the way he feels. He is doing great with me and really dealing with his anger issues, he does not do well when she comes and gets him for the big 4 hours (maybe) on a week-end. I can see the anger coming and the acting out. But within a few days he is back to his ole self knowing that I will be here no matter what. But it kills me and breaks my heart what she has done and is doing to her children. Most days I hang in there and do what has to be done, some days I just want to curl up in a corner and give up. I am glad that I am here to "save" my grandchildren. Then I have the awful thoughts that at my age I am suppose to be living MY life and I am so angry at AD for forcing me to be raising kids again. I resent her so much.

Firefall

Painter, "what has to be done" ....
"aye, there is the rub" what I did know about doing the right thing, seems to be the wrong thing??? Still with ya looking for relief

FeelingGreat

Painter I can see how you're stuck after your second post about your GS and how he's much happier with you. Your daughter sounds selfish and neglectful.
All I can suggest is you sit down with the 2 grandchildren and level with them about how tired and overwhelmed you're feeling. Give them some more responsibility around the house to help with chores. I know a lot of teens are sulky about this, but I'm sure these 2 love you and will act in a mature way as much as they can.
I guess my point is, please don't assume you have to do it all. BTW are you getting any financial help from any source, government or your daughter?