Just a quick thank you
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Just a quick thank you
I wanted to take a moment to say thank you to everyone who responded to my thread a few weeks ago about my concern that my alcoholic daughter was neglecting my 5 year old autistic grandson.
I had made up my mind to call and report her for neglect then that day she started posting on facebook that she had stopped drinking, cleaned her house, gotten him off to his autism class, and she called me and asked if I would help her get a mental health appointment. So I did not call and report her. I realize now that I should have followed your advice and my instincts and called anyway.
A week ago this past Thursday I took her to her first mental health appointment. When I picked her up she met me in the driveway. Her roommate was to watch her son. This was at 2:30 pm. I dropped her off at 4:45 pm. Not long after I dropped her off she called me in a panic because she could not find her son. The roommate did not even know he was gone when she got home. It turns out he had been in police protective custody for 2 hours. They had no idea who he was as he still does not speak. The police charged the roommate with misdemeanor child neglect/endangerment. When they came they insisted on coming into my daughters apartment and at that point they said they would not release him to her until Social Services came in and inspected the place.
Social Services came in and I went in with them. It was horrible, there were alcohol bottles, trash, dirty diapers, cigarette butts, cigarette ashes, toys, clothes, etc... strewn across the floors, chairs, and tables. There was literally poop on the floor in the middle of some of his toys. There were two steak knives in her bed where he sleeps with her. There was broken glass from a mirror still in the mirror within easy reach of him. A cabinet had one hinge broken off and was just hanging loose. All of the dishes were dirty and just laying around on the counters. There was little food in the house. There were signs of drugs having been in the freezer (a surgical mask that was bound up by rubber bands, I had never heard of that before but the Social worker told me it was how people stored drugs). I was literally sick to my stomach.
The social worker said she could not release my grandson to that home but they would release him to my daughter if she had somewhere she could stay until the place was cleaned up and passed inspection. They asked me. I had to say no as I lived with my daughter and her son for 2 years and I know I can not live with her again. I have PTSD and my doctors have said it is very unhealthy for me to live with her because it increases my anxiety levels. So I had to say no. She called her sister and her sister who rents a home from me said yes, they could come there for a couple of days. She did not dream it would be over a week. That is where they have been staying.
I went in and cleaned the apartment. I probably should not have but my daughter does not have a car as she totaled it the day before all of this happened so it would have been difficult for her to get there plus she would have had to arrange for someone to watch her son. I was also to angry to deal with her. The social worker has arranged an intervention for Tuesday. I am skeptical of it as my daughter can not see her part in any of this. She makes excuses for everything including how the apartment looked. She blames it all off on "no one knows what it is like to raise an autistic child by themself." To me that still does not explain why as a parent she can not throw a dirty, poopy diaper away or her vodka bottles, wash her dishes, or use an ashtray. I flat out told her that in my opinion she can not take care of herself let alone a 5 year and definitely not a special needs child.
I am working hard now on "letting go." This is her mess and it is time she cleaned it up. Thank you to everyone who said call social services because you were very right in advising me to do so. I really appreciate each of you.
I had made up my mind to call and report her for neglect then that day she started posting on facebook that she had stopped drinking, cleaned her house, gotten him off to his autism class, and she called me and asked if I would help her get a mental health appointment. So I did not call and report her. I realize now that I should have followed your advice and my instincts and called anyway.
A week ago this past Thursday I took her to her first mental health appointment. When I picked her up she met me in the driveway. Her roommate was to watch her son. This was at 2:30 pm. I dropped her off at 4:45 pm. Not long after I dropped her off she called me in a panic because she could not find her son. The roommate did not even know he was gone when she got home. It turns out he had been in police protective custody for 2 hours. They had no idea who he was as he still does not speak. The police charged the roommate with misdemeanor child neglect/endangerment. When they came they insisted on coming into my daughters apartment and at that point they said they would not release him to her until Social Services came in and inspected the place.
Social Services came in and I went in with them. It was horrible, there were alcohol bottles, trash, dirty diapers, cigarette butts, cigarette ashes, toys, clothes, etc... strewn across the floors, chairs, and tables. There was literally poop on the floor in the middle of some of his toys. There were two steak knives in her bed where he sleeps with her. There was broken glass from a mirror still in the mirror within easy reach of him. A cabinet had one hinge broken off and was just hanging loose. All of the dishes were dirty and just laying around on the counters. There was little food in the house. There were signs of drugs having been in the freezer (a surgical mask that was bound up by rubber bands, I had never heard of that before but the Social worker told me it was how people stored drugs). I was literally sick to my stomach.
The social worker said she could not release my grandson to that home but they would release him to my daughter if she had somewhere she could stay until the place was cleaned up and passed inspection. They asked me. I had to say no as I lived with my daughter and her son for 2 years and I know I can not live with her again. I have PTSD and my doctors have said it is very unhealthy for me to live with her because it increases my anxiety levels. So I had to say no. She called her sister and her sister who rents a home from me said yes, they could come there for a couple of days. She did not dream it would be over a week. That is where they have been staying.
I went in and cleaned the apartment. I probably should not have but my daughter does not have a car as she totaled it the day before all of this happened so it would have been difficult for her to get there plus she would have had to arrange for someone to watch her son. I was also to angry to deal with her. The social worker has arranged an intervention for Tuesday. I am skeptical of it as my daughter can not see her part in any of this. She makes excuses for everything including how the apartment looked. She blames it all off on "no one knows what it is like to raise an autistic child by themself." To me that still does not explain why as a parent she can not throw a dirty, poopy diaper away or her vodka bottles, wash her dishes, or use an ashtray. I flat out told her that in my opinion she can not take care of herself let alone a 5 year and definitely not a special needs child.
I am working hard now on "letting go." This is her mess and it is time she cleaned it up. Thank you to everyone who said call social services because you were very right in advising me to do so. I really appreciate each of you.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Oh, nan! I'm so sorry to hear about all of this....what an unimagineable scene it must have been!! I would have been sick to stomach as well.
Your grandson is now safe...and hopefully, someday, your daughter will realize the nose-dive she is in and seek help.
You are all in my prayers!
Your grandson is now safe...and hopefully, someday, your daughter will realize the nose-dive she is in and seek help.
You are all in my prayers!
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Nandm, in the end it happened without you having to report her, so that was for the best. I hope it works it's way though to a good outcome, but you may have more to do. Best wishes and look after yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Nandm,
I am glad that social services are aware, but I am not understanding how they can release a child back to the custody of someone who let things get that way for him.
surely they know that just because your daughter did not take the blame, it does not mean that she is not in denial?
I truly hope your grandson gets in to a safe place, and gets the help that he needs.
And your daughter too.
hugs
chicory
I am glad that social services are aware, but I am not understanding how they can release a child back to the custody of someone who let things get that way for him.
surely they know that just because your daughter did not take the blame, it does not mean that she is not in denial?
I truly hope your grandson gets in to a safe place, and gets the help that he needs.
And your daughter too.
hugs
chicory
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I am so so sorry. What an awful situation. I totally agree, it sounds like she has an alcohol/drug issue and possibly self harms? Wow, she really should not have custody of him and I am amazed that social services would even dream of letting her keep him.
I am so sorry. Tight Hugs.
I am so sorry. Tight Hugs.
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