Struggling In The Rooms
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 6
Struggling In The Rooms
Hey,
I've been on SoberRecovery before, but this is my first time posting. I have been attending AA meetings for 10 months. My longest stretch of sobriety was almost two. I have opened up to spirituality after general agnostic hostility and I am grateful I follow the suggestions of prayer and meditation. My problem is, after around four days of sobriety, I feel incredibly depressed and decide a couple of days sweeping up after a binge is worth feeling good for just an hour.
I know intoxication is fleeting. I know being present and sober for the world will help me cope. I KNOW all these things. I can't seem to move past this self-knowledge.
Has anyone else drank through their first year in the rooms? How do I hit my bottom before something terrible really does happen?
I've been on SoberRecovery before, but this is my first time posting. I have been attending AA meetings for 10 months. My longest stretch of sobriety was almost two. I have opened up to spirituality after general agnostic hostility and I am grateful I follow the suggestions of prayer and meditation. My problem is, after around four days of sobriety, I feel incredibly depressed and decide a couple of days sweeping up after a binge is worth feeling good for just an hour.
I know intoxication is fleeting. I know being present and sober for the world will help me cope. I KNOW all these things. I can't seem to move past this self-knowledge.
Has anyone else drank through their first year in the rooms? How do I hit my bottom before something terrible really does happen?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
ChristineF
Sounds like you're not entirely convinced yet that sobriety is the thing for you. All I can say from personal experience is that, if you're an alcoholic like me it's bound to get worse. If job losses, loss of family, friends (the sober ones that is), DUI's don't convince you, time itself will be your enemy, since the older you get the harder it is to handle the alcohol. Tolerances build up and eventually you need an enormous amount of alcohol just to feel normal. No buzz, just normal. And eventually alcohol just makes you sick but you have to have it. Slavery. Do you want that or do you want to stick with the program?
W.
Sounds like you're not entirely convinced yet that sobriety is the thing for you. All I can say from personal experience is that, if you're an alcoholic like me it's bound to get worse. If job losses, loss of family, friends (the sober ones that is), DUI's don't convince you, time itself will be your enemy, since the older you get the harder it is to handle the alcohol. Tolerances build up and eventually you need an enormous amount of alcohol just to feel normal. No buzz, just normal. And eventually alcohol just makes you sick but you have to have it. Slavery. Do you want that or do you want to stick with the program?
W.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,386
I'm not in AA but I wanted to welcome you nonetheless Christine 
Maybe when you feel depressed is the exact time you need to reach out more?
There's a lot of support here and I'm sure there's a lot in AA too
Have you got any AA people's number to call?
D
Maybe when you feel depressed is the exact time you need to reach out more?
There's a lot of support here and I'm sure there's a lot in AA too
Have you got any AA people's number to call?
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
No one can tell you, what I can tell you is that there is a life far more satisfying then the pleasure from one night of drinking if you work on your recovery.
But no one can make you ready.
But no one can make you ready.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
First, I want to commend you on your courage to post your concerns here. That's a big step in my opinion. Yes, I have know people that continue to struggle with drinking while attending AA, and some (not all), have managed put together some serious sober time. One person at the meeting I go to admitted she continued to drink for a while, while she was going to meetings. Now she has 22 years of sobriety. But there are also others that just disappear. I would suggest you continue to go to the meetings, whether you are drinking or not. Trust me, you won't be the only one in that situation. 10 months shows you really want to quit. I would also recommend you keep posting on this site, not just read other posts. That has helped me a lot. Let the nice people on SR get to know you. Good Luck.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: san mateo, ca.
Posts: 80
Cool! 10 months! I haven't had a drink in 76 DAYS! It took me 16 yrs
TO get that fraction of time! Igo
to a meeting 5xs.a week! Keep going! Talk in the meetings say what you feel! Your feelings are valid!
TO get that fraction of time! Igo
to a meeting 5xs.a week! Keep going! Talk in the meetings say what you feel! Your feelings are valid!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome to SR Christine
You don't have to hit bottom, it's a strange concept anyway because there is always somewhere lower you can go. Personally I never 'hit' anything, despite a big pile of consequences from my drinking I just kept on going. Even when I got past the point of debating it in my head and had been told I had to quit, I still kept on going. That was the scary thing. When I finally stopped it was under duress, it didn't come to me, I forced myself not to drink and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. I am no white knuckler though, I have managed to create a life where I am incredibly happy sober and don't feel deprived of anything, besides I have gained so much. I just can't deny the effort that has gone into it and the amount of support I needed. SR has been my life line as well as meetings in real life. Something called AVRT got me over the initial hurdle though, that might be worth checking out. If you google the crash course in AVRT (Rational Recovery). That was a revelation for me.
Glad you are here and hope you find what you need x
You don't have to hit bottom, it's a strange concept anyway because there is always somewhere lower you can go. Personally I never 'hit' anything, despite a big pile of consequences from my drinking I just kept on going. Even when I got past the point of debating it in my head and had been told I had to quit, I still kept on going. That was the scary thing. When I finally stopped it was under duress, it didn't come to me, I forced myself not to drink and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. I am no white knuckler though, I have managed to create a life where I am incredibly happy sober and don't feel deprived of anything, besides I have gained so much. I just can't deny the effort that has gone into it and the amount of support I needed. SR has been my life line as well as meetings in real life. Something called AVRT got me over the initial hurdle though, that might be worth checking out. If you google the crash course in AVRT (Rational Recovery). That was a revelation for me.
Glad you are here and hope you find what you need x
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
welcome. AA has apamphlet called the "a guide to the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous." heres a lil something on the first step:
WITHOUT the first step there is no chance
of recovery.
its good to see yer open about spirituality, but it all starts at the 1st step.
do you have a sponsor?
the big book?
following the suggesions of the big book and a sponsor?
WITHOUT the first step there is no chance
of recovery.
its good to see yer open about spirituality, but it all starts at the 1st step.
do you have a sponsor?
the big book?
following the suggesions of the big book and a sponsor?
Sober Today
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 779
Oh I so understand! I have to reiterate tomsteve...
Do you have a sponsor?
Do you work the steps?
Do you have a list of women to call?
Do you call anyone when you have an urge or obsession?
Do you have a daily "assignment" (such as reading a certain part of the BB)?
Step One, I have discovered, is actually much more involved than we think. I have learned from my own relapses and obsession to drink that there is a difference between admitting I'm an alcoholic and accepting that I'm an alcoholic. There is a part in the BB that says we can't reach serenity without acceptance. By "accepting" I mean that I can't drink ever again, or even for just that day. My AV fights me hard on this. My sponsor told me it's ok to be pissed about it - I don't have to like it but I do have to accept it or I will never stop drinking.
What helps me to accept it and to battle my AV is to read The Promises. Really read them. I realized that when they say "Do you want what we have?", they don't mean do you want to come to meetings for life, do you want a sponsor, do you want to do really uncomfortable things like admit your character defects and make amends, do you want to be sober, etc. They mean do you want the what we Promise you will have? That is why I'm willing to do the work - because I want all of those Promises. I want to change. I want serenity and to not feel self-pity and to be of help to others. More than anything.
Good luck to you and I really commend you for continuing to go back. Never give up!
eta: One more thing. Do you share at meetings? I've heard people say just sit and listen when you are new, don't share about steps you haven't worked yet, etc. I'm sorry but I call BS on that. I've learned through group therapy that FOR ME, sharing helps me immensely. Reaching out to people, being vulnerable, and getting things out is helpful to me.
Do you have a sponsor?
Do you work the steps?
Do you have a list of women to call?
Do you call anyone when you have an urge or obsession?
Do you have a daily "assignment" (such as reading a certain part of the BB)?
Step One, I have discovered, is actually much more involved than we think. I have learned from my own relapses and obsession to drink that there is a difference between admitting I'm an alcoholic and accepting that I'm an alcoholic. There is a part in the BB that says we can't reach serenity without acceptance. By "accepting" I mean that I can't drink ever again, or even for just that day. My AV fights me hard on this. My sponsor told me it's ok to be pissed about it - I don't have to like it but I do have to accept it or I will never stop drinking.
What helps me to accept it and to battle my AV is to read The Promises. Really read them. I realized that when they say "Do you want what we have?", they don't mean do you want to come to meetings for life, do you want a sponsor, do you want to do really uncomfortable things like admit your character defects and make amends, do you want to be sober, etc. They mean do you want the what we Promise you will have? That is why I'm willing to do the work - because I want all of those Promises. I want to change. I want serenity and to not feel self-pity and to be of help to others. More than anything.
Good luck to you and I really commend you for continuing to go back. Never give up!
eta: One more thing. Do you share at meetings? I've heard people say just sit and listen when you are new, don't share about steps you haven't worked yet, etc. I'm sorry but I call BS on that. I've learned through group therapy that FOR ME, sharing helps me immensely. Reaching out to people, being vulnerable, and getting things out is helpful to me.
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