jakec

I rationalize and justified that there was no reason to post this because it seems so little and not worth mentioning.

One of the biggest problems I've had for a long time, that I'm just starting to realize, is that I am addicted to sex and love.

So here is my problem. I've been emotionally and sexually attached to this one particular guy for 4 years. We haven't talked in months but I still think about him every day. And every time he makes some sort of contact with me it's like a rush of adrenaline that makes me want to go off to the races.

So I uploaded a picture to facebook today, and he "liked" it... sounds stupid, but the same thing happened and now all I want to do is ask him to hang out but I know he uses and I know I will end up using if I hang out with him and then I'll feel like crap because I used AND my obsession would be re-newed. But my addiction tells me that I'm strong enough to not use with him, but I know thats not true but I need some reassurance...

Is there anyone on here that has experience with sex/love addiction, because I feel alone.

Dee74

Hi Jake

You already know this is a bad idea. Cross addiction applies to love too - anything for a buzz.

Right now the focus needs to be on you.

Get well, find out who clean and sober Jake is, and then you may find that the qualities you're looking for in a guy will change too

D

jakec

Thank you.

But I just messed up.

I make this post, and then what does my dumb ass do? Messages him. And then he asked if I could please call him.. so I friggin did and not I feel like absolute garbage.
His life is a mess and he says I'm the only one who cares enough to talk to him.

god I frigin hate myself. /:

Anna

I think if you do some reading about Codependency it will open your eyes and make you realize that you are setting yourself up.

I'm going to PM something to you.

ScottFromWI

I'd strongly suggest simply not contacting him again. I'd also recommend taking a hiatus from Facebook. You don't need either a potentially codependent relationship or the drama that goes along with social media now. Neither is going to help you stay sober.

Dee74

Jake - there will be a time when you can really help guys like this - and there will be a time when you can love and be loved in return and not have any of it affect your recovery...

but that time is not now.

D

Aellyce

Hi Jakec, I had a similar experience in the past that lasted years. Far longer than I would have wanted... It was almost as hard to break as alcohol addiction and in fact the two were linked very intimately: he is also (as far as I know still) a problem drinker. Whenever we were together it always involved heavy drinking. And even most often, we would hang online quazi nonstop emailing and chatting. I could not wait to get home, jump on the internet, and whenever I saw the sign in our social media of choice that he was "on" it gave me a a pretty intense rush... and whenever he signed "off", almost instant discomfort. I would usually chat with him online while sipping booze and often woke up on the floor or lying on my laptop in bed because I passed out during these alcohol fueled conversations. It was extremely uncomfortable after a while and yet could not stop for long years. We did not even meet often in private, on average 1x per month or every other month while we worked in the same place but could never really interact much openly for a variety of reasons...

It was very hard for me to accept this as unhealthy, harder than admitting to my alcoholism. I actually used many of the same methods to break this addiction with him as the ones I'm using now for staying sober. So the experience with breaking this interpersonal addiction (codependency) came actually handy now in the alcohol battle a couple years later

I think the fact that you are worried about this attraction / relationship is a sign that it's not entirely healthy. I would try to steer clear for a while at least. I find now that I'm sober, my general obsessiveness has decreased significantly.

Btw, I don't think it's "little and not worth mentioning". My thing in the past was rather huge for me. Even later, I had to train myself to not look for similar experiences with others. Many people tend to romanticize and even envy such an experience thinking how exciting crazy love affair... in my opinion it's the same as making drug addiction look glamorous. There is a very big difference between love and obsession, in my view.