Yurt

I have my first appointment later this morning, and I still feel a bit anxious and unprepared. I have only been to a couple of Al Anon meetings, and while I was comfortable at them, they weren't the greatest fit for me. I am thinking that I have not given them enough of a chance though.
I just feel so stuck right now; as if I don't know which direction to turn or how to move forward.
I am dealing with my AH that I have been married to for 21 years and my emotional entanglement with my counselor friend (not who I am seeing today).
My AH absolutely denies that he has a drinking problem, and until he does, I know that things won't improve on that front. However, each time he tries to be pleasant or make amends for his nasty behavior, I feel guilty about the fact that I am even considering leaving him, and I get sucked back into the drama.

So where does one start when first visiting professional help? Does the counselor guide the sessions, or should I expect to just put it out there?

MissFixit

Good luck! The first few sessions are really background info and getting to know you.

They usually guide you, but will ask why you are there/think you need therapy.

Hammer

Good question(s)!

I would suggest you go and do as Yurt would do?

You follow? Come to think of it that was one of the first time I was in T they told me -- Your Path is Your Own. From my really good T, who I am back visiting, again.

Your Path is Your Own. Pissed me off at first.

I wanted the instruction guide and manual. Not that I ever read them (I do sometimes -- so I do not blow up customer's equipment).

But T is not like that. At least with a Good T. S/he will make YOU Decide and YOU figure out Who, What, Where and When YOU should be.

Which is what you are going for, anyway, right?

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Did I tell you how I "had" to do it? -- this was back maybe 13 years ago . . . Since it (me) was/is an Engineering Project . . . I talked to 10 "qualified vendors," and then went to visit three . . . picked the Best Suited for the job . . . and Bullsh1t, Bullsh1t, Bullsh1t.

I really did all that, but in truth, I picked the one who made me feel so relieved that just talking to her on the phone the first time made me cry.

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Bottom Line . . .

Yurt, Your Path is Your Own.

May you find it and ask God/HP to Guide you on it.

FeelingGreat

Probably discuss with the counsellor, and ask how he/she structures the sessions. Tell them what's bothering you most, so they have a heads up. It's good once you get into it; I've done it from time to time over the years.

SparkleKitty

Yurt, remember that the first few sessions are for the both of you to see if you are a good fit together. Keep am open mind but trust your instincts. You want to develop a relationship with this person.

peacesoul

Good luck, I have been going to a counselor regularly for the last almost-year. My very first session ever was a year before that, and I'm in my late 30s so did feel like I had no idea what it would be like. I am a list maker, and I made a list of things I wanted to talk about for my first session with the addict specialist. Although she said it was the first time she had a patient come with a list haha. It did help me remember what I had been stressed/thinking about, and allowed me to talk a little more clearly.
I am pretty easy going, and all of the counselors I've seen are helpful. But I go there mostly as a place to spew for an hour, since I almost never talk completely openly with anyone else friends/family included.

Hammer

To Do Lists.

I Gotta List myself now . . .

Told the T -- Hammer wants:

1. To be Godly/Good Man.
2. To be a Godly/Good Father (and raise Godly Children)
3. To be a Godly/Good Husband (and just maybe have a Godly Wife)
4. To be a Godly/Good Servant (to my customers, clients, employers, church, groups and community).

The T's jaw just dropped. Said she could not believe how far I have come. Dunno. Just heading to Happy Land. She asked if that was like from some Men's Group or something? No. Just been doing 11 Step Praying stuff, and listening to my heart, and trying to listen to God.

Step 11 Stuff is a Pretty Good Stuff.

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Step 11

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Lovenjoy

Hi Yurt! I just started counseling and IMHO, both - he/she will guide (help you know how they work) and you just put it out there. Whatever comes out is important. For me it is such a relief to just be open and honest about anything and everything. It really is a safe place. I found a good fit and am really grateful. I hope it is a good fit for you, not always something you know first session. So many emotions swirling. So glad you are taking this step in your self care. Sending good thoughts your way!

Aeryn

You don't HAVE to do Al anon to go to counseling - in my experience they have nothing to do with each other unless you want them to (and my therapist is an addiction specialist with personal experience with Alanon so it's not a situation where it wasn't known in full). With my therapist Alanon actually has been discussed but in the end we determined why it wasn't really a good fit for me based on my background of having an abusive, controlling narcissistic parent (there is a lot more to it than that). For me Alanon worked when I was still in a relationship with an alcoholic as a means to start change but as I changed it no longer worked for me. I still do go to my therapy sessions and I gotta say they saved my life - I am so much happier now.

In my therapy I set the path for the recovery which was what I needed - to not be controlled and learn to trust my own instincts. I'm sure it's different for everyone though. The sessions are easy for me and I look forward to them - they are a time to talk in a safe place without judgement or "rules" and get out any emotions you are holding in (which is unhealthy to do, just releasing them does wonders).

I'm sure you'll do great....probably by the time I posted you already went!

Chibi

=======

Did I tell you how I "had" to do it? -- this was back maybe 13 years ago . . . Since it (me) was/is an Engineering Project . . . I talked to 10 "qualified vendors," and then went to visit three . . . picked the Best Suited for the job . . . and Bullsh1t, Bullsh1t, Bullsh1t.

I really did all that, but in truth, I picked the one who made me feel so relieved that just talking to her on the phone the first time made me cry.

========
That is so funny Hammer. When I was ready your posts I was thinking that you must be an engineer. I am too, and that is the exact way I think through things. So systematic...But in the end I go for the choice that feels right...

Yurt

I appreciate all of the responses, and I felt a bet less anxious when I got to the office. Hammer, I think your post helped me see that what I will get from this experience is NOT a set of directions, or even any answers about the choices that I have to make. What he will do for me is to help me untangle my thoughts and emotions so that I can make these decisions in a clear manner.
A couple of comments stayed with me; emotions and feelings are neither bad, nor good, but they can help you determine your safe place. And, You can take the shorter rocky path and move to your goal quickly, albeit with some possible injury, or you can take the longer, paved road, perhaps arriving a little later, but in one piece (I think he was making references to the relationship that I have with my counselor friend).
I have been so scrambled lately, and I am hoping that these sessions will help me see things more clearly.