Why?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: In the Middle
Posts: 632
Why?
I have two kids that I take care of and support by myself 90% of the time. I'm a "single" mom so I get all the help that I can. Sure... you can buy whatever you want for my kids... and bring them fun places while I work. Why not?
I feel that life is unfair and difficult. I work so hard to just keep my boat floating. Yes, i'm complaining, venting, whatever. I sure can't say this to anyone that knows me....
It would be this hard with or without my husband in rehab. If he was out binging or in jail I would still be alone. It's better he's not out using because it gives me a glimmer of hope that "this time is different".
I would still be doing everything myself. Taking care of the kids, working full time, making all the apts, going through my sons assessment.
I guess it's me - my severe codependency raging. I KNOW that I need to let go to let him "get better" but thoughts keep raging in... doubt that "this time will be different". Is this self preservation??
He won't be leaving for another year. If he completes it... which he seems very motivated to do that.
I have gotten some apologies that I don't know how to respond to. Like, i'm sorry for leaving again... i'm sorry for selling the car and stealing from the kids...
I'm still hurt by these things... and him leaving to get help doesn't erase the damage that has been done. I was talking to him last night how marriage counseling really is going to be essential.
I was at a graduation of other "students" from his program last night. They have one every two months.
Am I just emotional?
I know it's great that he wants to be there. That it's not court ordered... and he really really wants to not DIE.... from his disease/addiction/affliction... whatever it is!!
I guess I need support too. I'm just complaining how difficult it is to be a single mom - doing it all -
On a good note - I have stuck to my calorie restriction for the last 73 days - and one of my shirts is too big to wear anymore. I'm really proud of myself and am continuing to be good to myself and keep my self promises.
Just venting. Thanks for listening.
I feel that life is unfair and difficult. I work so hard to just keep my boat floating. Yes, i'm complaining, venting, whatever. I sure can't say this to anyone that knows me....
It would be this hard with or without my husband in rehab. If he was out binging or in jail I would still be alone. It's better he's not out using because it gives me a glimmer of hope that "this time is different".
I would still be doing everything myself. Taking care of the kids, working full time, making all the apts, going through my sons assessment.
I guess it's me - my severe codependency raging. I KNOW that I need to let go to let him "get better" but thoughts keep raging in... doubt that "this time will be different". Is this self preservation??
He won't be leaving for another year. If he completes it... which he seems very motivated to do that.
I have gotten some apologies that I don't know how to respond to. Like, i'm sorry for leaving again... i'm sorry for selling the car and stealing from the kids...
I'm still hurt by these things... and him leaving to get help doesn't erase the damage that has been done. I was talking to him last night how marriage counseling really is going to be essential.
I was at a graduation of other "students" from his program last night. They have one every two months.
Am I just emotional?
I know it's great that he wants to be there. That it's not court ordered... and he really really wants to not DIE.... from his disease/addiction/affliction... whatever it is!!
I guess I need support too. I'm just complaining how difficult it is to be a single mom - doing it all -
On a good note - I have stuck to my calorie restriction for the last 73 days - and one of my shirts is too big to wear anymore. I'm really proud of myself and am continuing to be good to myself and keep my self promises.
Just venting. Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Big hugs. Its hard but you can do it. Hopefully he will recover and truly be a parent and partner w you again if that is what you want.
I hope you find just a little time to get you the support you deserve also!
I hope you find just a little time to get you the support you deserve also!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
It IS tough to be a single mom. There's no doubt about it. A lot of women have done it and completely understand. I'm glad you have help and that you readily accept it.
One of the things I didn't do well when I was a single Mom was to take care of myself. I worked, I cleaned, I paid bills, I took care of my son......but I didn't do much for me. 20/20 hindsight, I wish I'd done a better job of taking care of me.
Take care of you.
gentle hugs
ke
One of the things I didn't do well when I was a single Mom was to take care of myself. I worked, I cleaned, I paid bills, I took care of my son......but I didn't do much for me. 20/20 hindsight, I wish I'd done a better job of taking care of me.
Take care of you.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: West Midlands
Posts: 135
vent away 
i think its "normal" to feel like that, i know i do... sometimes i just get so resentful that they seem to be able to just up and go and do whatever, yet we HAVE to be there, the constant, the stabilizer, the parents (cos we have to do THEIR bit as well).
I'm also learning here over the last few days, that writing these feelings out to complete strangers, who are not judging or second guessing me, who are not reading anything else into my posts than i put there, helps me release some of that built up anger and frustration and gives a different perspective.
Hope today will be a better day for you
i think its "normal" to feel like that, i know i do... sometimes i just get so resentful that they seem to be able to just up and go and do whatever, yet we HAVE to be there, the constant, the stabilizer, the parents (cos we have to do THEIR bit as well).I'm also learning here over the last few days, that writing these feelings out to complete strangers, who are not judging or second guessing me, who are not reading anything else into my posts than i put there, helps me release some of that built up anger and frustration and gives a different perspective.
Hope today will be a better day for you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: In the Middle
Posts: 632
I obviously have a lot of internal work to do on myself. I need to do it. Today I started with a letter... that opened up some of the reasons why I started dabbling in drugs at the young age of 15.
I'm hoping expressing my inner feelings of hurt and frustration from years of feeling "less than" will help me heal my own inner hurts.
I'm probably going to get some self help workbooks with christian centered theme. I have always been very spiritual not religious....
I have a lot of inner work to do on myself.
I'm hoping expressing my inner feelings of hurt and frustration from years of feeling "less than" will help me heal my own inner hurts.
I'm probably going to get some self help workbooks with christian centered theme. I have always been very spiritual not religious....
I have a lot of inner work to do on myself.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
It's a process "to work on you." Don't look at it an endpoint...
You are doing your best and quit well. Raising a children, household, etc without a crazy, addicted spouse is hard enough! When you are in the middle of the chaos, you don't have much time for the inner work!
One day at a time.
You are doing your best and quit well. Raising a children, household, etc without a crazy, addicted spouse is hard enough! When you are in the middle of the chaos, you don't have much time for the inner work!
One day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
Im sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed. It is certainly understandable given all you are trying to do! Like Greeneyes I hope somehow you can find time to do some things for you that you really enjoy and will bring you some peace and relaxation. Just because your H is getting help doesn't mean you can't feel angry or abandoned. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Congratulations on your weight loss! That is fantastic! I hope you continue to get help from others and can catch some free YOU time.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
Being a single mom is hard as I have posted my own frustrations not just a week ago.
I have always said, I would rather rough it alone than with an addict. It is so much easier and healthier for the kids.
Just keep doing your best and never give up. Try to make time for you somehow, and/or special time with your kids.
Hang in there
I have always said, I would rather rough it alone than with an addict. It is so much easier and healthier for the kids.
Just keep doing your best and never give up. Try to make time for you somehow, and/or special time with your kids.
Hang in there
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