Laura567

Its really hard to quit. As most of you know. Fell off yesterday and the self loathing is really bad. I have gained weight, I am excersising much less than before my alcoholism and generally I do not like myself. And that leads me to drinking. I know I need to stop. It is just so hard.

Goldcoastgirl

It is horrible that feeling and after the fact we realise that having that drink was so not worth going thru the aftermath. Don't beat yourself up anymore now. Just think tomorrow is a new day where you can start with a clean slate again x

abcowboy

Sorry to hear it Laura, but as you also know, most of us have had a slip, it's what you learned from it that really counts. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on again... We're here to help you, any idea what triggered it?

SoulKat

I am the Queen of Start Overs! Don't beat yourself up. Just get back on the wagon and try again. I totally understand how you feel. We all do.

IOAA2

The sharing your doing is perhaps helping others. I needed to hear a lot of "keep coming" to finally "get it." It's great to say I'm sober today one day at a time. It takes work but it's sure worth it.

BE WELL

topspin

I tried to convince myself those early days without a drink were a sort of "downpayment" on my (future) workouts. It took me about 30 days before my body was even ready for anything more than moderate walking.

I had some history with cycling, so it seemed like the right thing to do

< for an old dude >

Kaneda8888

Laura

Do you have a recovery plan and support system ? I found both to be crucial in the first few weeks of sobriety. Have you tried AA ? I would suggest you do try the meetings. Dont worry about doing the Steps, blah blah blah, just go to the meetings and meet similar folks. It is the most effective (and cheapest) group therapy for alcoholism !

soberclover

I gained weight once I quit drinking. Rather than relapse because my self-esteem is nada, I try to make little daily changes. When I say no to the ice cream or burger for instance, it makes me feel good. Drinking makes everything worse.

least

Forgive yourself and start over again.

Holli

I'm sorry you slipped, but I want you to know that your post is helping me. I am struggling today with thoughts that I can drink on weekends -- you, know, moderate. My sane self knows this isn't true and I just need to hang in with sobriety. Sigh...

Anna

Hi Laura,

I remember how incredibly difficult it was to get beyond the self-loathing and low self-esteem and do what was the right thing for me. I think, in the end, I was just so sick and tired of it all that taking the leap out of the cycle seemed like a lesser issue.

It's really hard, but you must do it.

Laura567

Thanks guys. I have been thinking a lot about what needs to change for me to quit drinking. And I really need to somehow let go of the self-loathing and not be so hard on myself. I also have to stop being so insecure. I have spent a lot of time thinking about what my drinking has destroyed, I have to start focusing on what will improve if I don´t drink. And I need help. Not sure what kind, but I need to make a better plan.

Aellyce

Laura, for many years I've never managed to get beyond day 2 of not drinking, and it was rare to have 2 days sober even.... Now I have ~ 2 months, which is still short but a huge difference for me. What made the difference? For me it was making a firm decision with the idea of recovery in mind. I never had recovery as a clear goal for myself before this January despite of having had lots of theoretical knowledge on addiction. Long years of searching, thinking, learning, analyzing - but no constructive action, no plan. You've experienced and pointed out correctly that having no plan won't lead too far... Look around at this site, there is plenty of insightful and knowledgeable suggestions and approaches people use in recovery, plus endless support. For me it made all the difference in the first couple weeks.

I think the self-loathing is very common, and in my experience it eases up a lot once we have started making constructive changes in our lives. I think it's because then we focus on the present and building up instead of what was destroyed, and small successes can be very rewarding.

Another thing I'd struggled with seriously (in my whole life in fact) is trust in others... until I lost all trust in myself even. There is nothing to lean on then, it's a very dark, desperate place to be. So reading lots and lots of posts on SR and interacting with people have made me start thinking... hmmm it cannot be that all these wonderful helpful people are lying about the value and potential of recovery.... so I've decided to put my trust in what I've read and heard, sort of unconditionally. Risk taking of course, but less risk that continuing to destroy our lives...
It's already paying off for me tremendously!

Give it a chance, try to find your method, experiment - you can do this with focus!