alone

Old 03-20-2014, 06:29 PM
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alone

I'm raising our child by myself. Thanks addict!

If it is not being stressed out about money, it is being stressed on how to deal with a growing child. Tonight I am having just a normal raising your child issues, and boy would it be nice to have a partner to say, "don't worry, it will be ok. We will do this together."

Tonight not only am I lonely, but I am pissed. I married a man who just abandoned me. It is so exhausting doing everything. Usually I am good, but every once in awhile, I have a moment like this one...I'm pissed.
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Old 03-20-2014, 06:54 PM
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Story,

I am sorry you are having one of those days. Your anger is understandable.

Be good to yourself, you have earned it.
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Old 03-20-2014, 07:03 PM
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I'm sorry. I am going through the same thing but I have two toddlers. It would be nice to have some reliable help for a change...Thanks addict!
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Old 03-20-2014, 07:08 PM
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One word:

Originally Posted by story74 View Post
I'm raising our child by myself. Thanks addict!

If it is not being stressed out about money, it is being stressed on how to deal with a growing child. Tonight I am having just a normal raising your child issues, and boy would it be nice to have a partner to say, "don't worry, it will be ok. We will do this together."

Tonight not only am I lonely, but I am pissed. I married a man who just abandoned me. It is so exhausting doing everything. Usually I am good, but every once in awhile, I have a moment like this one...I'm pissed.
Divorce
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Old 03-21-2014, 03:21 AM
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Originally Posted by myheartaches View Post
Divorce
That is SOOO much easier said than done!!! and not everyone is in a position TO divorce!!!

story74, sorry you are going through this, i think you will soon realise though, that you are NOT alone, not with the lovely people here on this forum. I know exactly how you feel, as that is where i found myself at a few days ago, i got so, so, so ANGRY and hurt and felt disappointed, betrayed and all those other things. All those feelings came crashing down on me in one go when i was having a hard time parenting my very difficult daughter and AH was unable to help, because (surprise, surprise) he was out getting high.

I have two boys with autism, have complex Ptsd and asd myself.. and here he is, out, getting high. I needed some help and again, the person i married (who had vowed to love and cherish me) was out with "the mistress" aka his opiates.

I have no advice for you as i'm new at all this myself, but there are some wonderful ladies here who will tell you straight, hold your hand, pat your back and mop up your tears.

Hang in there, tomorrow is another day, maybe a better day, maybe the same.. but its another day with another chance to make good choices for yourself.

That's another thing i LOVE about this board, its all about US, not about the "poor addict", not about the ones who make the bad choices (not that we who live with the addict dont make them) .. its all about YOU.
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Old 03-21-2014, 01:35 PM
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BUT - you get the satisfaction of doing it ALL yourself. As hard as it is... as difficult as some days are... YOU DID IT. You can thank yourself, praise yourself and enjoy it all. At the end of the day - it makes me feel better. It makes me feel like super woman sometimes. Sure - I would LOVE help - I miss help - But we can do it on our own.

Best book ever - for feeling like this.

Chicken noodle soup for the single parents soul!!
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Old 03-21-2014, 02:54 PM
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Story, I wish I was your neighbour and I'd come help you with the children and then we could have tea and cheesecake and talk about life and new dreams.

I was raised by a single mother, my dad died of cancer when I was 6. But I had a loving home and from my mother I learned so many things about survival and finding joy in each day. I learned how to budget and stretch money until it squealed, I learned that so many fun things in life don't cost a penny, like picnics and church concerts and taking a walk in nature picking wildflowers and watching the wildlife. I learned how to help around the house and that sharing the chores was no better or worse than sharing the food she provided. I learned about honesty and trust, I learned that it's better to live in a home with one happy parent than an unhappy home with two like my friend Linda.

It is hard, as an adult I look back at how my mother raised my two brothers and I and I don't know how she did it...and she held a full time job as well, 5 days a week, 49 weeks a year. And she did it without complaining or showing us how tired she was...I am sorry for that part today, I wish she had shared her feelings more.

My point is, this is hard for you and you will have days when you wonder how you can make it...but you will and one day your children will learn from you that life can be hard but it can still be lived well and with happiness.

My prayers go out for all of you and I hope you have better days ahead.

Hugs
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Old 03-21-2014, 03:35 PM
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Thanks to all!

I am so beyond divorced. I don't even know where he lives!

I have my moments. Last night was rough. Today, so many people from my work reached out to me, I feel so very loved and blessed.

I try to keep it stable and happy. We do many many things together. I am so happy that the addict is gone. I don't want unhealthy in my life. We are really doing well. Just moments of overwhelming AAAAAHHHHH!!!! It isn't easy. I have only 1 child, I can't imagine having more, or any with needs. Bless your hearts!

I get pissed. I cry. Then, I pick myself up and brush myself off and I do my very best. My son deserves it. And frankly, so do I. Life is too beautiful!

Thank you all for your support!!!!!!
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Old 03-21-2014, 04:58 PM
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Story, if there is one thing I feel bad about with my single parent mother is that I never saw her cry. She lost her beloved husband, she worked hard and raised 3 children and had my grand father come live with us the year before he died...and I know she must have cried. I wish I had been a wiser child and encouraged her to share her feelings instead of hiding her sadness.

Your children will learn so much from you, more than most children learn in a 2 parent family. They are a gift, life is a gift and I am glad yours is happier today.

Hugs
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Old 03-21-2014, 08:40 PM
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Originally Posted by L0stH0pe View Post
That is SOOO much easier said than done!!! and not everyone is in a position TO divorce!!!

.

Well I never said it was easy...having lived with an abuser myself and having divorced him which took almost 8 years. Actually, I starved for years afterwards and suffered much myself in many other ways due to what he put me through, and also what I put up with.

I was just speaking what I believe is the truth.


There is no negotiating with any type of abuser, addict, alcoholic, mental, physical, neglectful person who isn't ready to get clean and sober on their own terms and who makes an HONEST attempt.

I'm just stating the best advice I can give from my experience.


I hope for the best for anyone who is going through this. Of course, myself being a former believer in that good will come out of staying with someone who uses and abuses drugs, alcohol, me, himself, others, out of love, false promises, the romantic element in possible recovery and a miracle from heaven, but I've learned a few lessons.

Of course, each person has to decide what is best for them.
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Old 03-23-2014, 05:21 PM
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Story I am a little late to the party but wanted you to know I hear you and I understand your frustration and anger. You have every right to feel that way. All of you who are having to raise your child(ren) alone are heroes in my book. Raising a child is hard work, frustrating and I know I had days I had to hide in the bathroom whether to just try and get 5 minutes peace or to cry because they were driving me insane (and I had a husband although he wasnt home much).
I hope your days ahead are better and I was so glad to read people at work reached out. You have many people who care and having a listening ear and someone here who can understand makes a difference. Bless you Story.
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Old 03-23-2014, 05:31 PM
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good luck to you Story, I too only have 1 child and cannot fathom 2 (not even when considering a 2 healthy parent household, ha!). I'm starting to get that Bill Murray quote from Lost in Translation, something about how your children turn into the most interesting people you know.
Ann, what you said about feeling guilty for not being a more sensitive child, I can only hope that someday my daughter thinks back and says she never saw me cry or in pain. That is a goal of mine as a mom, to shield her as much as possible. So I think your mom would be pleased to hear you say that
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