DisplacedGRITS

...it's just that the road is so long and a single stumble starts you right back at the beginning. It's like, if you eff up then all your progress goes to ****. I'm working hard on day 3. I guess. I feel like i don't even care anymore. It's like asking someone to be abstinent. I don't know where i fit in in the sobriety world. I was happy for a while as an AA but one slip basically negated all of my sobriety. I think it's a great program but i'd like to not have all of my effort negated by a slip. I have nowhere where i belong. I'm just spinning my wheels.

Silvy69

You have not lost your time in sobriety. You have learned and came right back. You r here today and that is huge because a lot of people don't come back. Just take good care of yourself and take one day at the time. No one can take away your sobriety time, it is yours to keep and add to it.

DisplacedGRITS

I just feel like so much crap right now. Who cares about Day 3 when you have to make it to a year to advance your life in any meaningful way? I'm just so freaking tired right now that i'd rather sleep my life away.

Dee74

We alcoholics can tend to have black and white thinking, especially if we're beating ourselves up...

I don't think its right to say that all the time you've been sober before don't count - it absolutely does - you know a lot more now than you did on your first attempt, right?

You may be starting again but all you've learned over the years is still there...even the way you feel now will be useful to look back on one day.

Drinking's a dead end...deciding to go another way will take you back to the right road. I'm glad you're back dG

D

aasharon90

I'm glad your back too. There must be a
willingness on your part for you to come
back and want to try again. What you
did learn thus so far is not all lost. That
time you had sober must have given you
some sort of hope that sobriety does work.

You said....guess I gotta try again. In my
recovery, there is no guessing. You either
do or you don't want a life in recovery.

If I choose to live a sober life with a program
of recovery to guide me, then I can learn to
live life happy, healthy and honest one day
at a time. If I choose not to, then im pretty
sure I would die, because 23 yrs ago I tried
to end my life.

You experienced something wonderful
while you were sober, right? What a gift
to feel free from the desire to drink. From
the insanity of it.

The time you have acquired already
in recovery/sobriety is your experience.
Take your experience and add to it by
learning about addiction and it affects
on your mind body and soul and draw
knowledge from it.

All that you learn and apply to your life
in recovery will be building blocks that
you will build a strong foundation to live
your life upon sober each day.

Now you have a purpose in life. A gift
to cherish and be grateful for and to
never take lighly. That is now what you
call being responsible in recovery.

Glad your back..!!!

KateL

You are trying again after such a disappointment, Don't underestimate your strengths xxxx

FortWorthsober

Such encouraging words here from these friends! Discovering your self-worth is an empowering step toward healing. Take it one hour at a time. My understanding is that depression can be a challenge in the first days. Grab a hold of Spring and look forward to new life!

Hawkeye13

HI DG;
I really understand where you are right now.
Last summer when I slipped for 6 weeks I had almost two full years.

I was so upset with myself. Tomorrow I will have six months sober since
that relapse.

I am thinking about it now in terms of how much time I've been sober overall.
Since I don't share my drinking issues with anybody but you all and my shrink,
I just don't worry about it anymore.

I can tell you that as the weeks and months of sobriety have built up, a kind of
solid comfort in sobriety is also building. I didn't "lose" those two years in any way.
I am now building off that foundation and not from square one when I had never put
in any meaningful sober time.

The same is true for you. You have a year. You are starting with a good base.
Keep building on that and don't worry about the counting part if it bugs you right now.
Don't let Mr. AV con you into "it doesn't matter anyway now" because your quality of life
each and every day does matter and that's what this whole thing is really about.

I'm glad you're back, by the way

Nonsensical

I found just the opposite to be true. Every single time I told my AV "No" made me stronger. I was learning how to be sober. Even if I screwed up later, I was still right for a while.

Stumbling (a.k.a. drinking again) is mentally and emotionally draining, but stumbles didn't take away the things I had learnt while I was sober.

Finding your place in the world is important. You won't find it drunk, though.

Michael66

I'm sure many share your experience DisplacedGRITS. I know I do. I imagine it's the one who manage to give up on one attempt that are rare.

I see all those times giving up and then slipping as learning; it's what prepares us for longer sobriety and we get all the benefits of being sober in those times. You'll never lose your sober time - that's something no-one can take away from you.

Hang in there. You're bound to feel low at the moment, but that feeling will pass.

God bless, and be happy, be well, and be at peace.

happycampers

this "number counting means nothing now that I slipped" thinking just drives me nuts ! I think it's absolutely stupid,unproductive thinking OR an excuse to just drive into the addiction "now that you've slipped". I don't think even one day clean and sober is wasted - but all the other days you aren't truly are wasted. One day at a time and each sober one is precious and valuable - just keep focused on pounding out sober days and forget about "poor me, I slipped, what a loser "thinking.

EternalQ

The only difference is the first time you didnt know what to expect.

Now you DO know what to expect. And you have experience under your belt.

Any other associations you are making you are making with your mind.

You have learned what NOT to do if you want to stay sober!!

HeadLump

You're back and trying again and that takes real strength and courage You WILL beat this.

serious

we all have only so much sober time. if we use it wisely, it is never wasted.

i've been sober for almost 3 years although i have slipped a few times. or maybe i've been sober for over 2 months since my last slip...
i don't think it matters. i am making the most of my sober life, while i can.

i do hate to think that i'm forever doomed to be stuck in this circle of sobriety/sobriety-losing-its-priority ... but i can manage not having a drink for now, for today.
i hope the rest of the events will fold out in my favor and i promise to be resilient. sill we are human, and if fall i will get up and continue on my path.

Elisabeth888

Hi DG! I relapsed after 13 months sobriety in mid January for three weeks. I lost a really good job because I called in sick for a week.

I'm back in the saddle in AA and I am also doing dialectical behavior therapy. It is a way to change your thinking. Check out this thought record exercise:

1. The situation. Briefly describe the situation that led to your unpleasant feelings. This will help you remember it later if you want to review your notes.

2. Initial thought. What thought first crossed your mind? This was probably a subconscious or automatic thought that you have had before.

3. Negative thinking. Identify the negative thinking behind your initial thought. Choose one or more from the list of common types of negative thinking.



4. Source of negative belief. Can you trace your thinking back to a situation or person? Is there a deep belief or fear driving your thinking? Search your heart.



5. Challenge your thinking. Look at the evidence both for and against your thinking. Have you been in a similar situation before? What did you learn from it? What strengths do you bring to this situation? Make sure you see the whole picture.



6. Consider the consequences. What are the short-term and long-term consequences if you continue to think like this? Look at the physical, psychological, professional, and emotional consequences.



7. Alternative thinking. The previous steps of the thought record helped you understand your thinking and lower your defenses. Now that you've considered the facts, write down a healthier way of thinking.



8. Positive belief and affirmation. Write down a statement that reflects your healthier beliefs. Find something that you can repeat to yourself.



9. Action plan. What action can you take to support your new thinking?



10. Improvement. Do you feel slightly better or more optimistic? This step reinforces the idea that if you change your thinking, you will change your mood. Gradually over time, your thinking and life will begin to improve.

This thought record template is provided as a public service by Guide to Cognitive Therapy, CBT and Thought Records. It can be printed without restrictions. For a more complete guide to cognitive therapy refer to the book "I Want to Change My Life" by Dr. Steven M. Melemis. This handout may complement the work you do with your doctor or therapist, but should only be used in combination with professional guidance.

lovesymphony

I like the quote at the bottom of one member's posts saying that the destiny of alcoholics is to be locked up, covered up, or sobered up. Quitting sobriety isn't like giving up piano lessons or some project that doesn't suit someone anymore. There's no good alternative. Forgive yourself. Think how much worse you would be if you never made any attempts to quit.

Mountainmanbob

we don't forget everything that we learned
took me a few slips before getting back on solid sober ground

two keys - willingness - not giving up

MM

Mizzuno

Your sober time should not be negated by the fact that you drank. You can start again and keep moving forward. This is not easy as you know. So, get back on the horse and start riding. We are all here for you.

I have had many starts and stops. Many. It took me awhile to get things moving in the right direction. You can do this DG. I have seen you do it before and I know that you can do it again

soberlife123

Me too <3 we can do this

soberclover

I relapsed after 13 years. I continued drinking for 8 years. Now I'm sober. THIS time I'm not big in to number counting....I have an idea of when I got clean but I don't go to meetings often so I don't collect chips/keytags. I woke up sober and I'm striving to go to bed sober. That is it.