Notices

New here - an email to my parents

Old 03-20-2014, 12:34 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Michtizz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Leicester
Posts: 67
New here - an email to my parents

Hi Mum and Dad,

I hope you're both well. I'm getting there.

It's been a truly silly week. On Thursday, I went along to X for a team meeting. I went out for a few beers with a colleague, E. I missed the last train home and stayed on E's sofa.

Instead of going home on Friday morning, I had a couple of coffees and then called my friend, M, who was working at home. He came out; we had a few more beers. I stayed on his sofa.

Saturday was much the same. I was in self-destruct mode. The pressure of everything, running around giving myself no time to breathe had caught up and all I could do was drink more to forget the now-physical and mental pain. I ran out of money.

Sunday came. I thought I was going to die. I called my friend, S, who looks after me so well. She drove from her house in , P to X to pick me up and drive me home. On the way back, I was sick in her car - projectile vomit. I asked her to take me back to her house so that I could recover in her spare room. She lives in a lovely cottage in a nice village and it feels chilled here.

Sarah's been going to work every day and I've been staying at hers. I didn't do much on Monday other than sleep and moan about the pain in my side. I was able to do a bit more yesterday and today, after work, I think Sarah is going to take me home.

Amidst the three days of drinking, I forgot my brother's birthday. I feel terrible for not even sending him a text, let alone a card. I had it all planned. I was going to send him vouchers. But then, it all fell through. I'm not sure what to say to J by way of apology. I feel terrible about this.

I think being sick in S's car was my rock-bottom. I've tried to convince myself for so long that I can handle alcohol - and the fact that I go days without drinking has always been my excuse. But, when I do drink, I get into patterns such as the one this week, where I go into self-destruct mode. Until I can prove to myself that I can control that then I need to give up. I felt better in January when I did this and now need to do the same again.

I'm not telling you this to worry you or to shock you (though I guess that might be a response to this). It's simply because you need to know what I'm like. I try to present a positive exterior but inside there's sadness at play. I've been keeping myself so busy to not give myself time to think. Friends tell me that I have so much but I actually feel like a pretty terrible Son, Dad, Brother and friend. I need to work on that, be strong for me and do things that are positive for me. I'm under no illusion that this'll be easy.

There are immediate things I can do though. I'm fed up of rushing in/rushing out of my house and only having time to cook a microwave meal when there - so, buying healthy ingredients and eating better is top of my list. Getting to bed at a decent hour and getting regular sleep is also at the top. And, of course, not drinking.

Thanks for reading this and caring in the way that I know you will. I have some excellent friends. I've already talked to A about this - and obviously S. It all feels a bit raw, scary but positive.

With so much love,

S
X
Michtizz is offline  
Old 03-20-2014, 12:37 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Michtizz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Leicester
Posts: 67
Anonymised letter sent to my parents yesterday. Absolutely determined to stay sober forever. Aware of challenges ahead but happy to have found this support network.
Michtizz is offline  
Old 03-20-2014, 12:45 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Goldcoastgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 643
What a beautiful heartfelt letter. I would be very proud of you if I was your mother! Look after yourself and keep posting here, lots of help and caring people to support you and give you good advice on getting healthy and happy x
Goldcoastgirl is offline  
Old 03-20-2014, 12:59 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
CuteNGayYay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Southern Cali
Posts: 1,356
Nice letter. I have the same drinking pattern as you. and can go weeks or even a month or 2 without drinking.. then I think I'll be fine drink one night but then I feel so gross I know drinking again is the only way to feel better and it goes on for a few days.. then end up recovering for a few days as well. It's crazy how we repeat a cycle that makes us feel so bad. Good luck on this and I'm with you.
CuteNGayYay is offline  
Old 03-20-2014, 01:01 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Phoenix Rising Again
 
Aarryckha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 3,079
Originally Posted by Michtizz View Post

Until I can prove to myself that I can control that then I need to give up.
Thank you for sharing this with us.

However, you might want to give some consideration to this line here.
Aarryckha is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:58 AM.