kiki1988

Sad to think how long it has been since I have gone without alcohol for six days in the past.

Yesterday was pretty good, but the day before it was so hard.

One of the things I'm struggling with is this - I decided I needed to sober up because my life was revolving around alcohol and it was negative. But now I feel like my life revolves around alcohol more than ever (except I don't actually get to drink). I spend more time thinking about drinking than ever before - I read and post on here, I'm blogging about it at imnotanalcoholicbut.wordpress.com, I'm going to AA meetings ever other day. I haven't seen my friends at all because I have been prone to breaking down in tears and I'd rather do that either in the privacy of my own home or at a meeting, so I feel alienated from the real world.

Still finding it hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

When I think about relapsing, I don't think 'if', I think 'when'. It feels inevitable.

Goldcoastgirl

I know quitting feels like a nightmare you can't wake up from sometimes. I remember when I quit smoking about 14 years ago and all I thought about was "what do I do now I can't smoke?". I managed to quit smoking and then when I decided to quit drinking it was "what do I do now I can't drink?".

I called it smoker's logic then, so I guess it's now drinker's logic! I look at all the people in my life who don't have a problem with alcohol or don't drink and think, they seem to keep themselves occupied and aren't obsessing about something like drinking. If they can, I must be able to. I think it is just part of giving up an addiction - the obsessing, the continual tape playing over and over in your mind. The only thing that has worked for me has been trying to distract myself and doing things I enjoy and focusing on my family. Doing some self-healing, meditation - I'll try anything at this point. I don't know what else to do but it's not an awful way to try it.

I relapsed last weekend and I think I secretly all along I felt like you do now, not "if" but "when", but I'm telling you that the "prize" or "reward" of having a drink does not give you the elated feeling you think, it just makes you disappointed in yourself and beat yourself up more. I don't want you to feel like that xxx

KateL

Day 6 is great and it can only get better xxxxx

Looking4Help123

The thoughts will fade! Do not worry about if or when, just worry about now or today. If you can string enough today's together the future will look after itself! Some take a diff. Approach and decide never again. You dont have to tackle that kind of question if you arent ready.

It does get better.....

MnEman

you are going through the absolutely worst part of recovery -detox- right now. I was crawling out of my skin by between 3 and 7 days. Trust me, it gets better quickly, at least the physical part. Try to get as much rest as you can, eat well, take vitamins, drink a lot of water. Keep going to meetings to help get you out of your own head. Within a week you will be feeling better, and then ready to move on to rebuilding your life, which is challenging, but not as bad as what you are going through now.

kiki1988

Sometimes I think I'm doing okay and there is a future out there for me, but then the smallest thing derails it. Right now I'm sitting on my couch in tears because I saw a post from my favourite local band on facebook. They are playing my favourite bar tonight. Of course I can't go. Now tonight.. Probably not ever. I know in context that shouldn't be a big deal, but it is.

Amajorityofone

Friend

First and foremost, you have my permission to stop counting! Counting only reinforces the "prison" of sobriety when what you should be focusing on is your freedom from alcoholism. Remember, only people in jail count. Thus, this is not day "whatever"...but this is the first day of the rest of your life.

Now what are you going to do about it?

Secondly, you sound like you could use a hug. Is there anyone you can call?

Finally, If you wanna go see your favorite band tonight, instead of telling yourself you can't go, ask yourself a more logical question such as, "If I went and didn't drink, what did I do? What precautions did I take? Perhaps, If I let everyone I knew in advance that I was not drinking under any circumstances, took a sponsor, intentionally left my credit card and cash at home, came late, left early, and had an escape plan in place, that's how I would pull it off."

Food for thought

kiki1988

I don't think I could do it anyway. I don't trust myself not to pick up a drink. I'm going to the movies with someone I met this week at AA instead.

I wish there was someone around for a hug but my family are so far away and I have kind of been avoiding my friends. Doing a desert safari tomorrow, it doesn't get much drier than that.

least

Here's a for you.

Amajorityofone

Amen on that chit.

"The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time."
-Abraham Lincoln.

I agree with that statement.

rhodie

I myself are only a few days into sobriety and have stopped counting days, as suggested, because this helps me to start focusing on happy days of when I was totally sober and the fun I had. Day dream, dream and only focus on the good things and how you felt when you woke up in the morning and you beat the devil himself. Guess what you are stronger than him and more powerful. Slowly day by day you are crushing this monster and YOU ARE THE WINNER. This devils liquid can be combated because it is only a liquid. Your brain/emotions/feelings WILL RESET to what you really are and trust me you will love life more than you have ever felt. YOU WILL STAND PROUD BECAUSE YOU WON!!! Keep going, going and going.