Chibi

I am so frustrated. I am not sure what the heck is going on. My AH has been stealing items out of the house and pawning them for god knows what for the last few weeks. He claims that he is not using but I honestly don't know. The behavior is not the same as last time, it's not as bad but it's still messed up. Well this week was the last straw. He was supposed to pick up the kids at daycare, but instead never showed up. I had a Feeling something was up and stopped by after work just in case and found them waiting for me 20 mins after closing. Then he took my daughters iPad, a present from her grandfather and pawned that too. I went off...I had been working with a divorce attorney for over a year due to his addiction and I did all the paperwork this morning and filed today. He disappeared again all day so it gave me plenty of time to change all the locks myself. He just got home 15 minutes ago and begged me to let him in. I told him NO! I can't trust you. You are stealing from the house, go get yourself checked into the hospital PSYC ward. I'M DONE. I paid for countless trips to rehab, doctors appointments, replaced lost cell phones, medications, and took care of the kids all by myself while he was at countless meetings and it is not sticking. My only hope is that he realizes that he really does need help and checks himself in but I doubt it. I feel so bad about my little girls IPAD she loves that thing but I think I know what pawn shop it went to. This so messed up.

lizwig

Ugh. I'm so sorry to read this. Sounds like you had boundaries and a plan in place. Good for you for sticking with them. I know you are disappointed and must be angry and hurting. Big hug to you and prayers for strength as you work your way through this.

Ann

I'm so sorry, I can feel your pain and your little girl's too. I hope you continue to take care of yourself and your child. Living with active addiction is living with abuse and brave is the woman who can walk away to protect herself and her child.

Hugs

Chibi

Thank you Lizwig. He threw all kinds of accusations at me when I told him to leave. It made me feel bad for a little bit, then after he left I was like Hey? Why not take your medication, go to you AA meetings, call your sponsor, your therapist, call the priest...All those things have been available and still are but you just don't use them. So in my eyes he has no excuse as to why it had to come to this when he had all the resources at his fingertips. Instead he chose to drive around with drug dealers all day, because that really solves the problem. Give me a break....
He took my car last night , but he has hasn't been back since. I have a feeling when the funds run low he'll be back, but the answer is the same...go to the hospital and check yourself in for an eval...Hopefully by then the For Sale sign will be up and I will putting a deposit on a new apartment and we will fly the coop...

Chibi

Thanks Ann. I read your posts a lot and value your opinion. I always thought living with an addict was living with abuse. My parents and friends notice it too and are helping me escape. My poor son who is only 2 acts out all the time because his father is so mean to him...Sad to say he's so unreliable so often the kids haven't said a word about him since he's been gone. I think they are just enjoying some peace for a change...That's sad.

KeepinItReal

Hugs. Your doing the right thing.

LoveMeNow

I remember being so confused about if my husband was using or not. Looking back, it was so obvious.

Using looks like using. When in doubt, they are using!

There is no mistaking someone really sincere and working a recovery. When in doubt, they are using.

Good for you for saving yourself and children.

Kindeyes

Chibi....you sound strong in your resolve to take care of yourself and your children....that's the really positive part of your post.

I can only imagine the disappointment your daughter feels about her iPad.....I hope you can get it back for her.

I hope you keep posting and reading....it really helps me stay strong when my emotions start ruling my roost.

gentle hugs
ke

Taking5

If you know what pawn shop the stuff is in, please have him arrested.

hopeful4

I agree, have him arrested. You are definitely doing the right thing. Someone has to be the advocate for your child, that someone is you. You also deserve so much more than this.

Please stay strong and move forward and protect yourself and your daughter!

God Bless!

Mountainmanbob

very sad
it seems that at this point in his addiction
he has lost all respect and love for the family

can't blame you for doing exactly what you are doing
take care of yourself and your children

it seems about all you can do for him --
sending out prayers that someday he will step up and be a good father

MM

L0stH0pe

Im so sorry you are having to deal with all this mine luckily so far has only pawned his own stuff.. if he ever did take the kids' stuff i would report it as theft.
Have you got the "find my ipad" turned on in general settings? you should be able to locate it pretty quickly with that, also, if you contact apple, they will blacklist it and your little girl may get it back. I know there are different laws in the various counties in the us, but i know that a friend of mine got her jewellery back when she reported it as stolen by her husband, the police actually contacted several shops until they tracked it down and retrieved it for her.

Im a newbie at all this, so im on a steep learning curve myself... so i have no words of wisdom but i can say I admire that you are so strong and have taken these steps to keep your babies and yourself safe. I do know that that takes an enormous amount of courage and has its own pitfalls.

glitterdeva

I am in the same boat, I understand. I am so sorry and what can we do? Nothing.

KeepinItReal

I tried having my husband arrested... and they wouldn't.

They did however give me great information on the current laws... So that helped.

Good luck.

KeepinItReal

My husband also stole my kids Ipad and that was the last straw for me. He had to go... he then proceeded to pawn the car that he did NOT have keys for... but kindly left me the license plates and insurance cards. UGH.

I had contacted the police for both incidents and received information on what I had to go through to get him into court and decide about visitation.
It didn't get to that point - because I called the police station and explained to them that he was a danger to society. Thankfully they put a police car on him and he was arrested within the week. Jail was the best place for him at this point. He could no longer do any damage to anyone.

In jail he started with the apologies and the, i'm going to change stuff. He chose to write the letter to the 14 month program... he saved the money to get into it and he went.

Even knowing this is his best chance for recovery.. it's still difficult. IT's still hard doing everything alone. Having them gone.. not helping.
Knowing that even though this.. relapse is possible...
I don't think I would ever trust him around drugs. EVER.
I am a women who understands exactly what your going through.
HUGS

Chibi

Oh my god! You guys are like angels!! So I went to the police today to file a police report about the Ipad. I brought the box with the serial number on it. The office took the information and I just spilled my guts. I didn't mean to. I just wanted to say it was stolen. Well, the officer told me he would have a detective get in touch with me and charges would be pressed. Afterwards I was like OMG! I didn't mean to tell him everything! I just didn't want the item to be sold...So I was pacing around the house and starting to feel crazy again and jumped online. And there you all were telling me I had done the right thing!!


I have to tell you all too, after reading your posts I slept well for the first time in weeks! I closed my eyes at 11:30pm and was up at 5:00am happy, getting the babies ready for school and made it to work on time. I had a good day too. My best work friend and I eat lunch every Friday, and today I was to close to the edge to speak to human beings. So I told him no lunch today I was a mess. He kept coming by and buggin' me, let's get out! Let's go have lunch! Come on! SO I finally said OK, OK! We had lunch. I spilled my guts. He said "You are doing the right thing. Change the locks, protect the babies, and don't isolate. Press charges if you have to. And if you feel like your going to loose your mind this weekend give me a call and my wife and I will take you and the babies to lunch!" So Thank you everyone...I can do this!!

RE: the find my iPad app...the jerk disabled it even though it was password protected. Thank goodness I had set it up to send me e-mails when I was being messed with. Too bad apple doesn't make security software for the enemy within...

Another funny thing re: iPad. So my Dad (a professional that deals with people struggling with addiction) and I have been speaking about the behaviors that were leading up to this. Things that were raising flags but not consistent with the past behavior. So my dad has been telling me all along really gently that "It is not a one shot deal, he is going to make mistakes, as long as he picks himself up and get's on the right path that is a good sign." I just listened and inside said "Argg why is dad on his side and not mine?" Well yesterday I told him the iPad he gave little J and T jr. (which they call him on every night to say goodnight) was stolen and sold it for $40 dollars. He said "WHAT!!! $40 DOLLARS!! THAT WAS $700 WHEN I BOUGHT IT FOR THEM!! DO NOT LET HIM BACK IN THE HOUSE AND GET OUT OF THERE!" So I said "Geez if I had known I would have gotten that reaction I would have mentioned that on Wednesday and not last night."