a garbled update!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 56
a garbled update!
Hi everyone,
My RAHBF has been sober for around 9 months now. He is trying to live his life as honestly as he can. Drinking again is not an option as his work have been supportive but have measures in place now and rightly so... They breathalise him daily and observe him taking Disulfiram. He see's his sponsor once a week, a kind of CBT/ friend once a week and attends an AA meeting once too. He works long hours and although I feel he could manage his time better he is working on his recovery. I think it's a woman thing to criticise his time management!!
He reads AA literature at breakfast usually too.
I worry about him becoming complacent, if he misses a meeting I feel sick. I still feel the need to know his plans/ whereabouts etc. I worry about myself becoming complacent too. It's hard to say honestly that things are going well because of the fear of a set back.
He knows how important living a transparent life is to him and I, I still feel he keeps a lot back.His default position is to be selfish. I know he shops more than he acknowledges and this has been a big issue previously as it is something he does to boost his self esteeem.
He's just discovered he is Type 2 diabetic and has high cholesterol but on the plus side his liver function was ok! It's not surprised me at all. He has a crazy sweet tooth and smokes and does no exercise. I'm hoping this gives him a focus to change his lifestyle and live a healthier life and doesn't make him wallow in self pity!
I've learned a lot in the 2 plus years we've been together. I love him dearly but I would never choose this life! I feel I have my limitations and my boundaries have been tested. I'm hopeful for his continued sobriety and I pray for this. I think I do need to allow him to prove himself and regain my trust but the fear of the unknown is crippling!
So the good times are great, the bad times are a fading memory but will not be erased nor do I think they should.
Hugs xx
My RAHBF has been sober for around 9 months now. He is trying to live his life as honestly as he can. Drinking again is not an option as his work have been supportive but have measures in place now and rightly so... They breathalise him daily and observe him taking Disulfiram. He see's his sponsor once a week, a kind of CBT/ friend once a week and attends an AA meeting once too. He works long hours and although I feel he could manage his time better he is working on his recovery. I think it's a woman thing to criticise his time management!!
He reads AA literature at breakfast usually too.
I worry about him becoming complacent, if he misses a meeting I feel sick. I still feel the need to know his plans/ whereabouts etc. I worry about myself becoming complacent too. It's hard to say honestly that things are going well because of the fear of a set back.
He knows how important living a transparent life is to him and I, I still feel he keeps a lot back.His default position is to be selfish. I know he shops more than he acknowledges and this has been a big issue previously as it is something he does to boost his self esteeem.
He's just discovered he is Type 2 diabetic and has high cholesterol but on the plus side his liver function was ok! It's not surprised me at all. He has a crazy sweet tooth and smokes and does no exercise. I'm hoping this gives him a focus to change his lifestyle and live a healthier life and doesn't make him wallow in self pity!
I've learned a lot in the 2 plus years we've been together. I love him dearly but I would never choose this life! I feel I have my limitations and my boundaries have been tested. I'm hopeful for his continued sobriety and I pray for this. I think I do need to allow him to prove himself and regain my trust but the fear of the unknown is crippling!
So the good times are great, the bad times are a fading memory but will not be erased nor do I think they should.
Hugs xx
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
I think I do need to allow him to prove himself and regain my trust but the fear of the unknown is crippling!
the trick is to ALLOW him to be WHO he is. and then you can assess whether that is enough for you or not. he IS doing a lot of good recovery activities...he is breathalyzed DAILY at work, he is observed as he takes the meds, has a sponsor, attends meetings, reads AA literature. not sure what else he "should" be doing???? that YOU think he could manage his times his better is simply your opinion of how HE should manage his life. which said gently, really isn't your call. remember when all you wanted him to do was STOP drinking?
you don't have to wait and see if this lasts....if it causes you too much grief or stress you have the right to back out. with recovering people relapse is always an option. it MAY happen. next week or in ten years. as a recovering addict myself I know I am exactly ONE bad decision away....while I cannot guarantee that will never happen, I try to live my life on a daily basis to assure that does not happen.
the trick is to ALLOW him to be WHO he is. and then you can assess whether that is enough for you or not. he IS doing a lot of good recovery activities...he is breathalyzed DAILY at work, he is observed as he takes the meds, has a sponsor, attends meetings, reads AA literature. not sure what else he "should" be doing???? that YOU think he could manage his times his better is simply your opinion of how HE should manage his life. which said gently, really isn't your call. remember when all you wanted him to do was STOP drinking?
you don't have to wait and see if this lasts....if it causes you too much grief or stress you have the right to back out. with recovering people relapse is always an option. it MAY happen. next week or in ten years. as a recovering addict myself I know I am exactly ONE bad decision away....while I cannot guarantee that will never happen, I try to live my life on a daily basis to assure that does not happen.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Sounds like a big load of worry on your shoulders, but a lot of it doesn't truly seem to be your burden to carry. Sounds like he is working a strong program. Have you checked out Alanon at all?
remember when all you wanted him to do was STOP drinking?
LOL Anvilhead- yes, this. Now he's stopped and you want him to recover in a certain way.
Wishing you both all the best. Hang in there and keep posting.
remember when all you wanted him to do was STOP drinking?
LOL Anvilhead- yes, this. Now he's stopped and you want him to recover in a certain way.
Wishing you both all the best. Hang in there and keep posting.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 56
Thanks guys. U're so right, it wasn't long ago all I wanted was for him to stop drinking. Again I do realise a lot isn't my burdain but by nature I'm a fixer and I recognised also there may be some co dependancy.
I'm possibly worrying because there's nothing to worry about right now! I'm going to try to relax and give him space, hopefully not throw enough rope with which to hang himself with!!
Thanks for u're support
x
I'm possibly worrying because there's nothing to worry about right now! I'm going to try to relax and give him space, hopefully not throw enough rope with which to hang himself with!!
Thanks for u're support
x
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Hi Wellington,
My RAH went to a church mission last night. He had volunteered to help clean up afterwards so I knew he would not be home until 10 ish. Turns out he was helping serve beer there not just cleaning up! He told me when I got home and I was a bit surprised. Of course when we went to bed my Codie mind was all buzzing to get into his head. I asked him if that was hard. He claimed no. I wanted to poke poke poke but I finally just took my restless mind to the couch. I could not hear him snoring so hopefully he is still sober and did not lose his run at 11 mo.
So here's the thing, I don't hold the rope. My RAH was at church and that was probably the most dangerous spot for him to be last night! However he could zip into one of dozens of bars, grocery stores or liquor stores every day. Your qualifier holds the rope every day and with each decision.
My RAH went to a church mission last night. He had volunteered to help clean up afterwards so I knew he would not be home until 10 ish. Turns out he was helping serve beer there not just cleaning up! He told me when I got home and I was a bit surprised. Of course when we went to bed my Codie mind was all buzzing to get into his head. I asked him if that was hard. He claimed no. I wanted to poke poke poke but I finally just took my restless mind to the couch. I could not hear him snoring so hopefully he is still sober and did not lose his run at 11 mo.
So here's the thing, I don't hold the rope. My RAH was at church and that was probably the most dangerous spot for him to be last night! However he could zip into one of dozens of bars, grocery stores or liquor stores every day. Your qualifier holds the rope every day and with each decision.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
