Wine...you glass of regret
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Montana
Posts: 4
Wine...you glass of regret
I am new to this site, came across it this morning when I was trying to justify my reasons for wanting to drink. I looked up "how many nights a week is it ok to drink?"... can I drink the socially recommended amount without being labeled a alcoholic?! HA who am I kidding...I drink way more than that! I HATE that all I can do is think about drinking...wine is my drug of choice...I love how it makes me feel the first glass...warm, happy, motivated, energized, artistic. Yet it grabs hold of me swiftly and strong and I can't stop until the bottle is gone. I hate myself and feel depressed in the morning swearing never to do it again...but the longing and constant thinking about how "great it will make me feel" soon overpowers me. What a F***ing joke. I haven't had anything for 2 days after stopping for a week then binging for 3 days. I want so desperately not to want it and I know that total sobriety is the only way for me. I have tried deluding myself saying I can stop at 1 glass...I can't. I have never really been honest with myself and have always tried to justify and convince myself that drinking is ok. I want no part of this hell anymore...I want to live and feel free.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
I'm glad you know you can't moderate and need to stop drinking. That's a big step towards recovery. The nature of the disease of alcoholism is just what you said. It lures us in with the promise of numbing our feelings, but before long, we are slaves to it. You can have life back and your mind back. 
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Welcome ICANDOIT.
You story is familiar to mine. Perhaps my experience can offer you some help.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...night-lot.html
Glad to have you here.
You story is familiar to mine. Perhaps my experience can offer you some help.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...night-lot.html
Glad to have you here.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 316
You sound just like me. I wanted to stop drinking every morning, but would be right back at it that night. But I made it happen and the feeling of freedom that you talk about is amazing and getting better everyday. I hope you can feel that, too. My best to you!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 373
Welcome, you will find yourself in good company here! LOL. Personally, I am finding that it is easier to just commit to not dr inking TODAY, because not drinking forever is still unfathomable (but it is what I want in my strong times).
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
Welcome to SR ICanDoIt4Them
I both loved and hated drinking, so I get where you're coming from.
Yeah - the thing is that feeling never lasts does it?
Alcohol promises a lot but rarely delivers for long. The more you drink the less alcohol delivers too, so you find yourself drinking more...
It's a vicious trap.
You can break out of the cycle tho. And the good news is you can feel all those happy warm creative feelings now, in sobriety. And they last
You'll find a ton of support here
D
I both loved and hated drinking, so I get where you're coming from.
warm, happy, motivated, energized, artistic.
Alcohol promises a lot but rarely delivers for long. The more you drink the less alcohol delivers too, so you find yourself drinking more...
It's a vicious trap.
You can break out of the cycle tho. And the good news is you can feel all those happy warm creative feelings now, in sobriety. And they last
You'll find a ton of support here
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Santa Cruz, Calfornia
Posts: 6
You sound a lot like me too! I looked forward to the wine at the end of the day. I always thought I would stop after just 1 glass, but I never do. I hate the fact that I just can't. As soon as I have that flush in my cheeks and hint of euphoria I just keep going until the bottle is gone. Then I'm searching around my house for other sources of alcohol. If there is anything else there, I'll drink that too. It's never enough. I know I can't just have one. I wont be happy with that, I'll rationalize how another one is okay. Then another one and then just f*** it all, the whole bottle.
I'm like you, I'm over it. I'm tired of the hangovers. I'm tired of being a slave to this addiction. I'm tired of living a life at night that I feel I have to hide and behaving in ways that I'm embarrassed to hear about the next night from my hubby. I hate hearing those stories. The worst is when I don't remember and I have to pretend that I do so I don't look like I have a drinking problem. It's scary sometimes.
I'm 2 days sober and happy to be. I just have to keep this going and I know that I can do it. I just have to want it. Right now I really do.
Good luck with you on your journey to sobriety. You can do it!
I'm like you, I'm over it. I'm tired of the hangovers. I'm tired of being a slave to this addiction. I'm tired of living a life at night that I feel I have to hide and behaving in ways that I'm embarrassed to hear about the next night from my hubby. I hate hearing those stories. The worst is when I don't remember and I have to pretend that I do so I don't look like I have a drinking problem. It's scary sometimes.
I'm 2 days sober and happy to be. I just have to keep this going and I know that I can do it. I just have to want it. Right now I really do.
Good luck with you on your journey to sobriety. You can do it!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Wine was my drug of choice too.
It made me into a person I despised. I hated waking up shaking and feeling horrible. But I got sober and so can you. One day at a time: don't drink one day at a time and you'll soon be living a decent sober life. If I can do it, so can you!
Still I rise.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oh Canada!
Posts: 1,121
Former wine drinker here and totally relate.
I thought I was being GOOD if only drank one bottle…and then that one bottle crept up to 1.5 then to 2 and finally to about 2.5 bottles per binge by the end. I thought by not drinking EVERY night I had some control. I had no control. My cravings and tolerance grew, as did the anxiety and hangovers the next day. A brutal way to live. I couldn't do it anymore.
It's hard to stop at first, but now that I'm almost at 16 months, I see how much alcohol had been ruling my life. I can't believe how much freer, happier, and CALMER I feel now. I thought it was my life causing anxiety; I was creating far more by the cycle of wine-binging two to three times a week.
The best thing that happened to me was finding this website and logging in daily to read support. I still use this site as my primary recovery tool.
All the best to you! You CAN do it…and you won't regret it!
I thought I was being GOOD if only drank one bottle…and then that one bottle crept up to 1.5 then to 2 and finally to about 2.5 bottles per binge by the end. I thought by not drinking EVERY night I had some control. I had no control. My cravings and tolerance grew, as did the anxiety and hangovers the next day. A brutal way to live. I couldn't do it anymore.
It's hard to stop at first, but now that I'm almost at 16 months, I see how much alcohol had been ruling my life. I can't believe how much freer, happier, and CALMER I feel now. I thought it was my life causing anxiety; I was creating far more by the cycle of wine-binging two to three times a week.
The best thing that happened to me was finding this website and logging in daily to read support. I still use this site as my primary recovery tool.
All the best to you! You CAN do it…and you won't regret it!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,643
Another slave to wine here. Every morning I would swear off drinking only to find myself reconsidering by afternoon and stopping by the market on my way home from work, everyday. As hard as it is breaking that cycle, know that it can be done. 12 weeks sober today and the cravings have been reduced immensely and the autopilot on my car takes me to my planned designation now, which is usually home or a stop at the market to pick up something for dinner. The further you distance yourself from the cycle you've grown accustomed to, the easier it gets.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 9
I could have written your post. Wine was my go to drink on cold winter nights. Plus our friends drank wine and could always call them over to drink and party. You will feel better by staying the course. Im just over two weeks sober and can tell the differance.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Another wino here. Yep. The first glass and the rosy glow. Never enough until I downed a bottle or two every night. Promising in the morning that never again only to repeat at the end of the day. Hangovers and withdrawal from wine are foul and I really don't miss them. It is quite nice waking up and not feeling horrible every morning. Welcome.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Montana
Posts: 4
Wow...I am not alone. It's brutal to think drinking a glass of wine will make me feel alive and oddly enough in control, but in the end I feel alone, frustrated, and ashamed so ASHAMED. So tonight instead of drinking or reaching for another and another glass of wine I am reading posts and tears keep streaming down my face. Maybe because I am finally admitting I have a problem and I AM NOT ALONE. Thank you so much for the comments. I can totally relate to ElusiveRose and "living a life you need to hide-pretending to not have a drinking problem" That's me completely and I feel pretty pathetic that I have let something control me or give me the delusion of feeling like I have any power over it whatsoever. Also, to RevingOphelia, it is a "brutal way to live" and it gives me strength to know that you are 16 months sober. "Slave to wine" Odelle, you said it perfectly...I don't want to be anymore.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 643
Originally Posted by alphaomega 
Welcome ICANDOIT.
You story is familiar to mine. Perhaps my experience can offer you some help.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...night-lot.html
Glad to have you here.
You story is familiar to mine. Perhaps my experience can offer you some help.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...night-lot.html
Glad to have you here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 643
Originally Posted by ICanDoIt4Them
Wow...I am not alone. It's brutal to think drinking a glass of wine will make me feel alive and oddly enough in control, but in the end I feel alone, frustrated, and ashamed so ASHAMED. So tonight instead of drinking or reaching for another and another glass of wine I am reading posts and tears keep streaming down my face. Maybe because I am finally admitting I have a problem and I AM NOT ALONE. Thank you so much for the comments. I can totally relate to ElusiveRose and "living a life you need to hide-pretending to not have a drinking problem" That's me completely and I feel pretty pathetic that I have let something control me or give me the delusion of feeling like I have any power over it whatsoever. Also, to RevingOphelia, it is a "brutal way to live" and it gives me strength to know that you are 16 months sober. "Slave to wine" Odelle, you said it perfectly...I don't want to be anymore.
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