ontherightpath

Yes, my life is unmanageable when I drink. The rollor coaster of emotions that surround and dictate my choices. The chains of addiction, the hold that it has on me, the trickery that I buy into regarding the drink. The one track thought process. If i have drank, the next day I think about how awful I feel and how much of an idiot i turn into, and then I think about how or when i will have my next drink. When I drink the chaos begins. Internally and externally. I am powerless over alcohol. It takes me to places that I do not enjoy. Its tricky. Its scary. When I drink, I become the epitomy of everything that I do not want to be. I lie to my family and friends about why I look like crap. I put myself into scary situations. My anxiety levels rise. My foggy head takes over. I have terrible thoughts. And its completely clear to me. I mull it over in my head all the time. I think about it all the time, even when I am parking the car in the parking lot to go in and succumb to my nightmarish alcoholism. My life is completely unmanageable and I can admit that. I do admit that. Today I admit that I am powerless over alcohol, that my life is unmanageable when I drink and do not jump into the center of recovery.

UncleMeat69

So do you admit that no human power can relieve you
from your alcoholism ?

SoulSister

Consider that life is unmanageable not only when we drink, but before we drink.

We need a new solution.

Vandermast

you are at a good place to be able to get sober...and may your journey begin here.

I had to get to that point to get sober again....


it may feel horrible and seem yuck but its a great place to start, if you get my drift....



v

ontherightpath

Aboslutely. Self will and self reliance have gotten me nowhere, but drunk again. I am handing it over to my higher power.

UncleMeat69

That's Great. Now that you have made a decision (Step 3),
the BB advises you to "launch" into a course of rigorous
action which is Step 4 thru 9.

I suggest you find an AA member who has worked the
Steps and ask them to walk you through them. I recommend
you do not try to go it alone.

matt4x4

I often wonder about step one lately. I recall hearing from someone very close to me in the cups of my disease that when I am drunk, my true self comes out. I believe it today, that is not the case. I am far from my true self when drunk. My true self, when sober is far from myself when drunk, 180 degrees and thousands of miles apart. Which means, I am a self-centered, egotistical, maniac with an inferiority complex when drunk. If I dont take that drink, those characteristics subside dramatically, but they still linger, waiting.

Help absolutely must come from a Higher Power of our own understanding. The whole purpose of the Big Book and the 12 steps is to gain a Higher Power, that can help you day-by-day, to progress in life.

DO NOT TRY IT ALONE. Many have tried, many have died.

UncleMeat69

I agree Matt. I was Mr. Hyde most of the time when I drank. My wife would always
say that I was such a nice guy when I wasn't drinking, how could I change so much ?

matt4x4

That is why when I hear news reports about how nice of a guy he/she was, he would never do that. Put some cash, drugs or sex in the way and anyone can/will do anything. I never understood why people go rob a store for $50, but when you are hurting for a fix, I understand completely. Why are the jails so full, is from acts done while completely sober, I highly doubt it. When a man/woman is sober and thinking clearly amazing things happen.

freespirit86

The way you have said this touchs me deeply, i relapsed again, and this here is exactly me. It is scary and i think its just as scary for those we love.

SoulSister

Welcome back Freespirit.