People wanting what you have...finally
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 350
People wanting what you have...finally
I have a triple-crown (AA, Al-Anon, and ACOA) and have been in recovery for about a year and a half. Even though I haven't fully completed steps 4 & 5, I feel AMAZING. My DW and I have this argument during the day and when I'm at home I'm blasting "everything is AWESOME!" from the LEGO movie. DW says to me, "why are you so happy!?" and I respond with, "because no matter what happens, no matter what people say or do, I can still love me just the way I am and love you just the way you are - NO ONE can take away my love and because of that, I feel great"
To the major point of my topic - I call my dear sister to tell her I love her no matter what and I love her for WHO SHE IS - and that's it. It was great to see her the other day, etc. I also was able to be OK with not being in charge of the conversation and I allowed an uncomfortable silence to happen. Interestingly enough, after this silence...wait for it...my sister says to me,
"How have your classes been going?"
"What classes do you mean?" I said and thought for a second. then realized...
"Oh, you mean my Al-Anon meetings?"
"Yes"
"They're great. I feel amazing and it's great to"
"Find support?"
"Yep."
"I've been able to try the sober thing and my life is doing better, but I was wondering if me doing the classes would help."
*holy sh**! Calm down thotful, calm down. Her life is not your responsibility, she's just letting you know that the thing you thought everyone was FULL OF cr** about when they said, "when you find recovery for yourself - over time, people will see it in you, and someone - you don't know who - will say - you seem so much happier/peaceful/whatever, how do you do it? or how can I have some of that?" - that's not cr** at all.
My relationship with my sister has always been healthy even though she has struggled with substance abuse (she's not my major qualifier - it's my dad and the fact that I'm estranged from 2 of my brothers and their wives). None the less, this was a feel good moment for me. Granted, I'm not doing my work for my sister, but it FEELS SO GOOD to have someone notice. I Know, that's the "approval addict" in me flaring up, so I'll need to not rely on that too much to work on myself and feel good about myself.
Anyways,
I told my sister about my work and how valuable it was and shared some of my experience. I was able to let go of control and say to her, "this is my experience, and you might find some personal value in this, and you might not - whether or not you choose to try this out, is up to you"
Here I am thinking that NO ONE in my family notices my recovery and work to FEEL BETTER and thinks I'm a loser, wimp, whatever that is making cr** up and changing myself for the worse. Then my sister comes in and calls my "internal thoughts" a load of bull. I'm probably either listening to an internal "judger" too much or letting certain family members speak for others. Just because people don't say anything doesn't mean they aren't looking at you and saying inside, "holy sh** they look better, they sound better - that energy is like awesome feeling - I want recovery too"
I can't speak for my sister's reasons for asking for my thoughts, but the situation was nonetheless very encouraging.
I'm going to keep on doing what I'm doing and stay on this path (I was going to do that anyways of course). Here I am with so much overflowing gratitude and love that I can't help but spread it around me (even if it makes them uncomfortable hearing me say "I love you just the way you are!" lol - as long as I respect boundaries)
Thanks for listening!
To the major point of my topic - I call my dear sister to tell her I love her no matter what and I love her for WHO SHE IS - and that's it. It was great to see her the other day, etc. I also was able to be OK with not being in charge of the conversation and I allowed an uncomfortable silence to happen. Interestingly enough, after this silence...wait for it...my sister says to me,
"How have your classes been going?"
"What classes do you mean?" I said and thought for a second. then realized...
"Oh, you mean my Al-Anon meetings?"
"Yes"
"They're great. I feel amazing and it's great to"
"Find support?"
"Yep."
"I've been able to try the sober thing and my life is doing better, but I was wondering if me doing the classes would help."
*holy sh**! Calm down thotful, calm down. Her life is not your responsibility, she's just letting you know that the thing you thought everyone was FULL OF cr** about when they said, "when you find recovery for yourself - over time, people will see it in you, and someone - you don't know who - will say - you seem so much happier/peaceful/whatever, how do you do it? or how can I have some of that?" - that's not cr** at all.
My relationship with my sister has always been healthy even though she has struggled with substance abuse (she's not my major qualifier - it's my dad and the fact that I'm estranged from 2 of my brothers and their wives). None the less, this was a feel good moment for me. Granted, I'm not doing my work for my sister, but it FEELS SO GOOD to have someone notice. I Know, that's the "approval addict" in me flaring up, so I'll need to not rely on that too much to work on myself and feel good about myself.
Anyways,
I told my sister about my work and how valuable it was and shared some of my experience. I was able to let go of control and say to her, "this is my experience, and you might find some personal value in this, and you might not - whether or not you choose to try this out, is up to you"
Here I am thinking that NO ONE in my family notices my recovery and work to FEEL BETTER and thinks I'm a loser, wimp, whatever that is making cr** up and changing myself for the worse. Then my sister comes in and calls my "internal thoughts" a load of bull. I'm probably either listening to an internal "judger" too much or letting certain family members speak for others. Just because people don't say anything doesn't mean they aren't looking at you and saying inside, "holy sh** they look better, they sound better - that energy is like awesome feeling - I want recovery too"
I can't speak for my sister's reasons for asking for my thoughts, but the situation was nonetheless very encouraging.
I'm going to keep on doing what I'm doing and stay on this path (I was going to do that anyways of course). Here I am with so much overflowing gratitude and love that I can't help but spread it around me (even if it makes them uncomfortable hearing me say "I love you just the way you are!" lol - as long as I respect boundaries)
Thanks for listening!
(DS and I loved that movie!) Thank you for sharing!
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