2bhappier

Well, I am going to as many AA meetings as I possibly can, reading the Big Book, looking for a sponsor (I do have an on line sponsor but am looking for an in person one too). I feel like I am doing the right things and yet I still think about drinking. What am I doing wrong? Why is it some people say they go to AA and the desire to drink is immediately lifted? Is this actually true? Why hasn't that happened to me? I still have the desire to drink.

I am trying to cultivate some sort of relationship with a higher power although that is difficult for me as well as many others.

I am worried I am going to be one of those people who must not be capable of sobriety. I am ok for now but at some point I really want the desire to go away.

caboblanco

you don't have to go to AA or agree with the people in there..there is no unwritten law of sobriety that says that

2bhappier

I am not sure how to do it without going to AA. How do people who use SR for their recovery do it?

diffingo911

Hey, 2bhappier...Have You ever thought of Getting a "Temporary Sponsor", for now-Who Knows...Things might even work out permanent? Perhaps Sponsorship might be the Missing piece of the Puzzle at the Moment...

SeaScape

They say it takes time...
I feel the same but I am just trying to construct a life without drinking everyday - like building a house brick by brick I think it takes time...
I wish I had more to offer...

doggonecarl

I don't think you are doing anything wrong. I think you have expectations of immediate success (the lifting of the obsession) that aren't realistic. The removal of the desire for alcohol should come after you work the steps.

We drinker all want the instant gratification that alcohol brings. Recovery doesn't work that way.

Right now you are dealing with thinking about drinking. Thinking isn't doing. I thought about drinking all day for the first couple months. But I didn't drink.

Three and half years sober, it may cross my mind. Still doesn't mean I drink.

Good luck.

chaos34

Hey 2bhappier

Welcome to SR. I cannot speak for others, but I have found that the time I spend here reading posts and learning through others takes my mind away from thinking about drinking. I have been able to read words from others that I thought were only thoughts that existed in my own mind. I found that I was not alone in this daily journey of sobriety. Today is my day 9 and things have become less scary for me. This is a place where when you are up at 3am and trying not to pick up the bottle, there will be someone here to help you through it. Just post or read a thread about how to get through the urge. Good luck on finding a sponsor who fits for you.

The best thing that I learned and I repeat all of the time now is --TAKE THINGS 1 DAY AT A TIME--

I wish you all of the best

keithj

Far be it from me to define anyone else's experience, but I think what you describe is a rare occurrence in AA. I've heard of it also, and I know a number of people that have had a very sudden experience of the desire to drink simply going away in an instant.

For the rest of us, lol, we actually had to follow the program outlined in the BB. The program really isn't about going to lots of meetings and reading a book. We recover as the result of a spiritual awakening by taking the 12 Steps. That's how the obsession (desire to drink) is lifted in a permanent and meaningful way. I know for myself, I first recognized that lack of desire somewhere around Step 9, although there were lots of hints of something being different along the way. I know a number of folks that would cite Step 9 as a game changer for them.

That desire/obsession and even the consideration of having a drink has never returned in many years of peacefully contented sobriety. Sudden? Perhaps not. It took a couple months of dedicated effort in working through the Steps. But compared to decades of being ruled by that unshakeable compulsion to drink, it seems miraculously sudden.

LBrain

2B,

At a meeting last week I heard an oldtimer say he wanted to drink today. Something about some family troubles... Imagine after 30 yrs someone would think about drinking. For some it is lifetime struggle. For others it is not so tough. I thought about having a drink a couple days ago. Then I thought about why I can't have that drink. For me, I will think about having a drink for a long time to come. That's how many of "us" think. The trick is to not take that drink and the feeling goes away. I'm only 81 days clean. Most days it doesn't cross my mind. But other days the situation is just perfect to think a bout having a cold one.
It will get better.

Lenina

2Bhappoer,

early days are harder, it does get easier as you progress. I hope you get a sponsor soon, as you will want a guide through the Steps.

you will feel better soon, just keep stacking those sober days together.

Love from Lenina

SoberLeigh

2B, comparing yourself to others may be counterproductive. Your journey to sobriety is uniquely yours. At almost 28 months sober, I still " think" about drinking; it's what I do with thoughts that is important.

Be gentle with yourself.

least

I had the desire to drink during my first few months. I started to express my gratitude for my blessings and the desire to drink went away. Not immediately, but it did go away. There's something about gratitude that makes me feel better.

littlefish

I have never heard that! I have heard people in the rooms say that they stopped and never went back after their last drink: but that many struggles followed and the desire lingered on for quite a long while.
It took a long looooooooooong time for the desire to leave me. Very difficult times, I more or less hated early sobriety.
But I kept going back to my meetings, kept going back to my therapist, my book groups, my sober social events with fellow recovering alcoholics.
I never stopped trying.

And then, it happened, the desire to drink gradually disappeared.
It was so totally worth the difficult times! I can't describe how much I appreciate my sober life.

FeenixxRising

Everyone is cable of sobriety; do not ever think any differently. I suggest you ease up on yourself. Time is your friend, so give yourself time. You seem to have expectations of some magical moment when all thoughts of drinking will disappear forever in one brief flash. But things don't work that way for anyone IMO. And that holds true for any recovery method. I don't care if one uses AA or quits on his own, the desire to drink diminishes over a period of time. For some, that period of time is relatively short, for others it takes a little longer.

By the way, it is possible to turn your thoughts away from drinking. When the thought of drinking enters you head, you can simply think of something else, something healthy. It does take practice, but it can be done. Try it the next time your mind turns to thoughts of drinking.

Lance40

SR is working well for me as a recovery plan. I think everyone is different based on their personalities, social needs, personal situations, stage of addiction, etc.

As to exactly why SR works for me, it's hard to say. I have a stable home and work life and have very few emotional, financial, spiritual or mental stressors that would add layers of difficulty to sobriety. I'm also quite an introverted guy, so although I can be quite social the case is often that group interactions drain me whereas quiet reflective and contemplative time at my computer reading and writing posts is where I feel connected and find my sources of inspiration, courage and support. I also have a very high standard of personal accountability both to myself and to the forum, and I guess I have a strong desire to be a leader here just as I look to others who are leaders in their courage to be honest, open and courageous about their victories, their failures and their humanity. All together maybe that's why SR works for me, or maybe it's something else entirely that I've somehow missed.

toddle118

Hi there, as other posters have said, everyone is different, there is no hard fast rule to recovery. Mine has involved this forum and thats it! I havent gone to AA meetings, there are other routes as well, such as AVRT and RR, dont compare yourself to others, we are all linked with our desire to drink, but each one of us is unique when it comes to tackling it. Hang in there, it does get easier.

LBrain

I am as anti-religious as they come. But I still go to meetings. I agree that what works some is not for others. But do not discourage one from at least trying meetings. I wouldn't eat sauerkraut because I couldn't stand the smell. But I never tried it. Eventually (after thirty years) I overcame the fear of trying it based on the smell. I was unable to swallow it. But at least I tried it. Same with brusselsprouts. I can eat them every day but wouldn't try them for years.

Sure someone can wake up one day and commit to never drinking again and do it. But that is so rare for an alcoholic. It's like buying a lottery ticket...

GreenEggsAndHam

I could have written your post today!

Lately I've been getting more and more frustrated with not being "cured" yet (after two and a half weeks sober lol), but logic dictates that it doesn't work that way. If it did, we wouldn't be alcoholics.

Some people will have an easier time, some a harder time. I need wayyyyy more than just SR, even more than just AA as I tried that before by itself. Now I go to AA, am in IOP, see a therapist, have a psych for anxiety meds, take Antabuse and visit SR regularly. I was crying just the other day in treatment asking why another girl there can have over 60 sober without meds that force her to be. A point was brought up to me that there are major differences in my situation and hers. We are all individuals and it really does no good to compare rate of "ease."

Hugs - I'm right there with you!

eta: Oh I've never heard people say their desire was immediately lifted (lucky folks!). Many people in my meetings say it took a year or longer to even start to feel somewhat comfortable.

courage2

^^^ What GEAH said! It took me more than a year, SR daily multiple doses, AA, a psychiatrist and anti-depressants, to get to feel remotely good. Give yourself time. It will get better, but recovery comes at different rates for different people. You're doing great!

Anna

It sounds to me like you're working hard.

I don't use AA, but have always used books and have used SR as my lifeline for many years. My desire to drink diminished each day and each week in early recovery as I found new things in my life that brought me joy. Simple pleasures helped a lot.

The method you use is less important than your motivation. If you want to stop drinking and live a sober life, you will be able to do it.