Angel1234

Hi friends and family. I thought I would share a story of my work day today. I work for a very large heatlhcare organization, one that is very resource rich, that takes care of its own, that I'm very fortunate to be a part of given our economy. We have wonderful benefits.

There was a tragic story a few months ago of an employee that was found unconscious in a bathroom. She ended up dead. I assumed that it was a heart attack, stroke, etc, something I would surely have heard about. Fast forward to today. . .

Our organization has implemented a for cause drug testing policy. To be honest with you, it was surprising to me it took this long. It was something new so I asked our H.R. and employee assistance folks to come present the new policy to our department.

To make a long story short, I have to say that I was so impressed with the presentation, with the statistics they gave us, with the compassion they showed, with the strong messages they tried to give that addiction is a brain disease, they squashed all sterotypes of addicts, etc. They did an amazing job. We are lucky. We have resources. WE have great benefits. We have a HUGE organization that gives people a chance if they want to get help. It was heard loud and clear.

BUT...........as I heard them talk, I never once heard them talk about the employee assistance program help the family and friends of addicts. I heard them talk about helping employees' family memebers that are addicts but never heard them talk about the affects of addiction on family.

I'm having a hard time with this tonight. After I walked out of this meeting, one of my managers told me that the woman who passed out in the bathroom some months ago was found with needle marks and was found to be diverting fentanyl and other heavy duty narcotics from the inpatient units.

I heard horrible stories today that go on in my own work envirnoment, in my own hospital. . . .

I just wish at one point in that hour long presentation, someone would have at least offered some help for the family. I'm pretty sure she could have found 5 people at least in that audience that would have felt comfortable enough going to talk to employee assistance about their struggles. Why is it always about the addict?

incitingsilence

In all the time I have been reading and listening to stories I in this moment have to say, the families of addicts make it about the addicts and of course the dealers, doctors, friends/partners, drugs and how they are classified...they fight to ban drugs and change laws and save and never once do you hear them fight for help for themselves. But they sure as hell lobbied for the addicts in their lives.

You can still say something or question. And you can do it without sharing if you don't want too.

L0stH0pe

i think because it is looked upon as a "disease" like diabetes, cancer etc. the whole energy gets channeled into "making the addict better at all cost".. we, the families and friends, then run the risk of becoming codependents because we are so far side lined.

im at my wits' end with my AH .. i really am, he is being offered all this help and he is not taking it.. ive been waiting for 18 months now to get help that i asked for. Until addiction is seen as a lifestyle choice that inflicts pain and suffering on those around the addict, they will always be treated as a "sick" person and come first and above everything else.

sorry i stepped onto the crazy train at around 6pm tonight... when they just piled one thing that was too much for me deal with as well and wouldnt take my boundary.. so yeah, im here again, going lala at gone 2 am with him sleeping his high off happily.

lizwig

Thank you for posting this. I also work for a large healthcare organization. We do for cause testing and have a wonderful EAP program as well. I work in a department that unfortunately deals with all the challenges...legal cases, patients with no proxy decision makers, no discharge plan despite hours of work by our case managers.....there are big gaps in our system. I work with someone who is very insensitive...She would refer to people as meth heads, losers...You name it. AND she is aware of the struggles with my son. One day she had the audacity to suggest if this poor, desperate woman who was trying to find resources for her son who had overdosed, maybe if she had been a better mother he wouldn't be in this mess. I've said it before....it was not my finest moment (or maybe it was). I asked to speak with her privately and laid it out for her. She said "well I wasn't suggesting that about YOU!!" I said "that woman IS me. Every tear she has shed, I've shed. Every broken dream she has, I have. Do you think she loves her son any less than you love yours? You need to humble yourself or life will do it for you. I wouldn't wish this on anyone...no matter how ignorant they are...not even YOU". And that was that. My hope is as more people become aware that "they are us and we are them" it will remove some of the stigma. I do have to say even with great benefits I found it extremely hard to find a therapist who knew how to support a family member. In fact I wasn't able to...which ultimately led me to al-anon. Thank you again for your post.

cynical one

We recently changed insurance companies. I was looking through the care providers to make sure all of our specialists were in our network. Same with the prescriptions we have, what is considered tier 1, 2, 3 medications. I was also checking into what is or is not covered. Just basically checking things out for if or when we need coverage in the future.

When I went to find out information about coverage of treatment for substance abuse (just out of curiosity) at that point the insurance companies website required me to log in and get the password from our HR department. What the hell-o, right? I can choose a brain surgeon, see what procedures are covered, see what medications would be covered, but I can't even locate a substance abuse provider without letting the HR department know I'm looking at that. To me, this is just plain wrong and an invasion of privacy. And, to make things worse, we are the employer.

KariSue

LOVE how you told her off! Good for you!

Kari

KariSue

Wow, that is soooo wrong. Hopefully enough people will complain to get them to change it. It just seems that has to be against some medical privacy law.

Kari

cynical one

But who wants to draw the attention that someone in their family (or worse, the employee themselves) needs substance abuse treatment? And, this is one of the big nationwide insurance companies.

Kindeyes

Why can't there be any focus on the family and friends.....

Because often...even the family and friends don't think the focus needs to be on them. They are so busy looking at and trying to control the addict that they can't see that they need help. Their entire focus is on trying to get the addict clean. It's hard to expect insurance companies, EAPs, employers to focus on something that often.....even the family members themselves can't or won't face.

It's very difficult for someone to say "I need help".....it was for me. I was so busy trying to look like I had my crap together that I didn't see how worn out and troubled I had become....until it reached crisis stage. Then I sought the help I needed.....and found it.

And Lizwig...I love that you stood up for addicts and their families!! I loved.....Humble yourself or LIFE WILL DO IT FOR YOU! How true.....

Hugs
ke

allforcnm

Does your employee assistance offer something for family members when they have a loved one who is suffering from other types of chronic illness; Cancer, or Alzheimer’s? It would have been nice if they had shared what mental health benefits were included for family members; a lot of family members never seem to consider seeking out professional help for themselves. Probably they just expect each person to evaluate what they might need for their mental and emotional health, and then seek out a therapist / therapist who specializes in addiction medicine based on current coverage. We were lucky because initially my husband’s rehab included therapy for me in their overall treatment plan, and then later when I continued on my own it was covered under our insurance …personal benefits.

Im really happy to hear they talked about addiction in such a caring and compassionate way; tried to remove the stigma & shame. I don’t think things will change & people (both family and those suffering with addiction) will be comfortable getting help until they feel safe coming forward. One of my husband’s biggest worries about seeking help was admitting to his employer that he needed time off for rehab. He was afraid of how damaging it would be to his career because of the lingering stigma over addiction.

Angel1234

Thank you for your posts everyone. I can certainly relate to thinking I couldn't possibly be the one that needed any help in my relationship with my ex until my life was turned upside down and like Kindeyes said, reached total crisis mode.

It's horrible that the insurance company wanted a password. That does almost seem like a violation of HIPAA laws. Sorry about that but it doesn't surprise me.

I know the people that gave the presentation. I'm thinking about sending them a quick email with a suggestion to mention what help they offer family members, even if it is one bullet point on one slide of their presentation.

L0stH0pe

Angel, that sounds like a wonderful idea.. maybe they could include that it is absolutely NOT the family members/friends/supporters fault that the addict is what he/she is. I still fall at that one, AH only told me last night that "because i was stressed i drove him to use again because he cant cope with MY stress" which, of course, added to my stress.
They dont need to go into the full blown details of codependency etc. but could spare a slide for those of us dealing with the fall out and explaining what, if any, help IS available. I wasnt even aware there was support for ME it was all about him, him, him, his addiction, his sickness, his illness, him...

CodeJob

The people who I have talked to from my EAP are really wonderful. I have used it almost every time to set up counseling for me and DS in relation to my qualifier. I see I am paying for this service on my pay stub so I use it! As a supervisor, I always made sure I had their brochure posted on my little cube wall of info.

HIPAA. Meh. My H was telling me his old work would not be able to tell he was the one who went to rehab. I snorted. Small enough company - you were the only one not there! He then glowered at me and that conversation was over! He used to get those use reports so I suppose he knew I was right...

DecBaby

I agree help should be mentioned for family.

I think the general idea is if the addict is treated, there won't be friends and family of addicts. Just like many addicts continue to use, many friends and family continue to put up with addicts behavior.

cleaninLI

I think companies are usually vested in things that benefit the company as a whole. Addiction costs companies millions not to mention your particular employer is a hospital. Just think how badly that woman addict found in the bathroom, compromised patient care! A patient could have died due to her addiction. Not only that but the hospital lost expensive medications that they bought for their patients and the cost returned in the form of patient billing. If a patient is given the wrong medication or not enough or vitals are incorrectly noted that could cause a patient to become sicker or even die. Then were talking about million dollar lawsuits. I think that is the reason there was an emphasis on treatment for addicts. I doubt those kinds of losses would be accrued by family of addicts.

I do agree that family therapy should have been mentioned. It probably does exist.

I know that my husband, daughter and son received family therapy through both of the IOP's that I attended. They provided the therapy and my husband's insurance (which is mine also) paid for it.