Stung

I've been struggling with this the past week or so and I'm hoping that a few of you will tell me some motivational anecdotes so I don't feel like such a dork.

I have a pretty good setup in that I don't worry about money and I get to stay home with my children and watch them grow. I'm very thankful that I get to spend this time with my kids while they're babies because it really goes by way too quickly. However, I don't feel totally fulfilled being a full-time mom or housewife, whatever you want to call it, but I didn't feel entirely fulfilled being an accountant either (I never really wanted to become an accountant, that's what my mom is and I think I was trying to make her proud of me/seeking her validation in becoming one myself.)

Long story short, I have realized what I want to do that would make me feel fulfilled and I can do it and still stay home with my kids and potentially make money doing this. BUT I'm terrified to actually allow myself to do something that I want. It is irrational and stupid and crazy making but I can't figure out how to get over it.

It's kind of like someone being afraid of heights and then deciding that they're going to go up to the top of the Empire State Building to get over their fear but they can't even force themselves to enter the building let alone ride the elevator to the top floor. Being afraid of going to the top of the building is so irrational, you are infinitely more likely to die en route to the building than to fall off of it.

I want to get over my fear and just let myself live but I'm not sure how. I'm pissed off at myself for being afraid of doing something that will greatly enhance my life.

involved

Not an anecdote but ... Nothing ventured, nothing gained! Or maybe ...if its ment to be, it will be. Or this one..your right where your supposed to be. Have you prayed or meditated or given deep thought to identify the fear that is holding you back? You have btw made a lot of changes in your life recently. Maybe your just not ready yet? I know that when I am confident in a decision I have made, I dont hesitate.

Stung

I don't know how to meditate but that's on my list of things to research and implement. Last night I read the summary for the book 10% Happier and it's supposed to talk a lot about meditation and how it reduces stress and provides a bunch of other great mental health benefits.

I feel like doing something that is *just* for me and something that I'm passionate about will springboard me into the next level of recovery.

involved

This is a simple explaination. Quieting your mind is way harder than one might think!
How to Meditate for Self Discovery: 7 Steps (with Pictures)

FireSprite

I struggle with this stuff a lot too.... I'm actually taking a writing workshop this weekend that I am so very excited about (I couldn't have planned a better workshop if I had been involved myself, it literally fell into my lap)... and yet I feel that hesitation. And it's just a baby step, I'm not jumping off mountains here... talk about irrational, geez. lol We all move at such different paces so if you're ready for action (without wanting it as a Distraction) then you gotta honor your instincts.

I think if you have time you should search out LaTeeDa on this forum - her story is one that comes to the top of my head as so hugely inspiring because she took such a leap of faith & it paid off in spades. If I remember correctly, she opted for an early pre-retirement with some sacrifices so that she could pursue her passion, photography. And wow, she is AMAZING. I think you will really connect with her posts.

FireSprite

Oh, but I totally endorse involved's suggestion about meditation.... it is truly priceless once you get in the habit of including it in your regular routine.

Stung

Involved, that link makes it seem really simple. Just sitting in a quiet room, breathing and thinking without falling asleep? I can do that!

FireSprite, it's the irrational part that makes me so frustrated with myself. I know what I want, I know I can do it, but I'm too afraid to even try it. Argh! I'll definitely go look up LaTeeDa's posts it always surprises me how helpful other people's older posts are! A writing workshop sounds fun, is it creative writing? I used to have a wedding blog that had a decent amount of traffic but I quit writing once I was married.

Thanks, ladies!

FireSprite

I finally recognized the irrational part as an ACoA issue - I have a lifelong history of irrational-deer-in-headlights indecisions.

It is a creative workshop.... the speaker is a children's author and it focuses on using techniques to turn our life experiences into storytelling/writing, helping to flesh out the details & transitions from memories & life experiences to printed page. It's 4 hrs long, we should come with an idea of a life experience we want to use as a working example & get this - it was $15. Like I said, couldn't have planned it better. I guess she was in the area once before & it went over so well they are doing it again. Sounds like a fairly small to mid sized group too, so I'm looking forward to it & meeting new people. I've been on SR a ton today reading people's experiences with kid's books on addiction - I'm toying with the idea of using it somehow if it fits the mold when I get there & was wondering what other's find lacking in what's available on the shelves for this topic right now (for a bit of perspective).