MammabearJ

I have struggled with addiction the last 3 1/2 years on and off. I was seriously in denial about my drug use and have finally come to realize how much different it makes me.

I want to be a better Mom and wife. I want to quit hiding in the bathroom to get one last hit before I have to put on a smile and fight through the rest of the day until I can smoke again. It's sad to admit what I was doing behind closed doors and I still want to deny it was even happening, but I know I need to be honest with myself and hold myself accountable.

People probably never even suspected my drug use, I played a good act for a long time, but now I'm tired of pretending. Marijuana has became a source of anxiety and chest pains. It's no longer relaxing (which was why I began in the first place) and I just feel so guilty all the time, like I know it's wrong and I shouldn't be doing it, but I keep running back for comfort even though it just makes my anxiety worse. I can't live like this anymore and I'm so glad I found this website. I'm not really sure how to start or where to to begin. I need to do this for myself and most importantly for my family.

Mrrryah1

Congrats today is day one of the rest of my life too. Just know that if you stick around your life will change immensely in the best possible way. I'm feeling depressed and sad today from my relapse but I know there is nowhere to go but up from here. Take care. Xo

Anna

I'm glad you have made the choice to live a sober life.

Kris47

It's not easy but you will feel so good in doing this. You will get YOU back, too.

MammabearJ

Thank you for the kind words, I'm hoping it gets easier soon. Today is a great day for Day 1, isn't it?? I'm sorry about your relapse, it happens to the best of us I think. You can't change the choices you made yesterday, but you can make better choices today. I'm trying to remember this today! XO

MammabearJ

Thank you Kris47, I can't wait until I finally feel like the person I was before! Living in a haze isn't really living at all. I feel like I've missed out on a lot of time I can never get back and it hurts deeply, but I'm trying not to look back. I just want to deal with today and keep it movin'!

Aarryckha

Welcome!

There's lots of great people here with lots of great advice.

Just take it one day at a time.

PioneertoNow

Hi Mamma,
I can relate. It just gets to the point where it is no fun anymore and really does not work. Congratulations on day 1

Kris47

Congrats on moving forward.

Hevyn

It's great to meet you Mamma - I think you'll love being part of us - the encouragement & friendship is amazing.

Dee74

Hi MammabearJ

I was a 30 year smoker, so I know what you're going through. The good news is it is possible to leave the weed behind

There's a lot of support here too - I'm really glad you found us.

Do you have a plan at all on how to stay quit?

D

MammabearJ

Hi Dee74! Well my plan is to avoid it entirely. I threw out all my paraphernalia last night. I really have no plans other than that. I'd really like to work through the 12 steps, but I'm not sure how to do that. I wouldn't be able to attend meetings or anything but I'm willing to do the work so I don't fall back into my old habits again. Is there a way to find a sponsor through these forums?

MammabearJ

Day 1 is almost over and I've made it. Thanks again for the encouragement everyone.

least

Welcome to the family. I'm glad you joined us. There's a ton of support here so take advantage of it to help you stay clean and sober.