jaybe83

i started serious drinking around 2005 i split from a girl i was seeing for 3 years and things were left on a rocky note .I used to be a big partier in my college days but i never drank everyday .Like i do now it seems, i'm 30yrs old moved back at home .I been working my way toward moving out for good this year 2014 .I got into working a regular routine id work all day at some ball busting and just come home and chill out than drink at night .
After doing the same thing for a year or two i moved out to cali was out there till late 08 .I managed to clean myself up a bit when i was out there i even lost weight . When i came back i got a different job but fell back into the same line of work .I jumped around a bit from one job to another to change things up and i was able to get sober for almost a year .I was in shape i was feeling good i was well rested .Then i caved into the craving one night and went to a mexican resturant for a appetizer and wound up ordering three big margaritas .
I been hopping around from job to job now im back at a job i was at in 2009.It just feels sometimes like im moving backwards .I have just fallen back into the same routine .I get payed bi weekly i work come home try and save money but its hard when you gotta stretch that dollar for two weeks .To occupy my time i try and keep busy .For the most part just watch t.v or movies or im on my pc and i drink .
Heres the thing i only drink in the evenings im not a day drinker at all .I can get through the day fine without drinking when im at work i can focus up on what needs to be done .Ive gained weight my drive and motivation is lacking im tired but one thing im not tired of it seems is drinking .I just can't stop its like i give right into the urges its the only time i feel good .I was trying to quit by marking my days sober down on a calender but that only created more anxiety .
Sometimes i feel the anger and frustration the next day after i been drinking .I get mad at myself thinking that that's what it will take for me to quit boozing.I been looking for a new job just to get out of my rut .maybe the change will help but i still want to deal with this that's why i signed up for this message board .I'm 30 yrs old and i want my ******* life theres a guy i work with and he's a booze he drinks while on the job.Hes been a career drunk his whole life but he's a functional one .I look at him and i don't ever want to be like him ever .
He's a townie i don't ever want to be a townie EVER they are all losers i don't want to be a loser anymore soberrecovery community help me out .

Dee74

I hope you read your last thread cos there were some great responses and ideas there too.

I went backwards....my life orbited around my drinking.
If you want to achieve escape velocity and get somewhere, you need to stop drinking.

I know that in one way that makes no sense - you feel that your life sucks and drinking is the only time you feel good - but thats your addiction talking.

You can feel good again, without booze, and you can make your life what you want it to be - but you need to take that leap of faith first, and put down that bottle....

D

ChrissieB

Yes Dee said it, put the bottle down and pick up life. Booze is the road to no town. Glad to see you here, lots of help and advice, there is a thread here call 24 hour sin up. Don't know how to post the link lol. Commit to staying sober for the next 24 hours and that will be a good start to your new life. Welcome xx

peanutty

Dee said it well. In order to be able to see your life and your options clearly you have to get sober and stay sober for a chunk of time. Have you ever tried an AA meeting or something along those lines? We're rooting for you.

Raider

Whats a Townie?

EndGameNYC

I would have been happy with going backwards when I was drinking. Instead, I was trapped in someone else's life, a life that had no future and a then-meaningless past. A life without optimism, joy or hope. A life that was no longer worth living.

Continually ending up in a bad place, JB, suggests that it's time to try something different. The rage you expressed in another thread comes from repeatedly not getting what you want.

You maybe want to think about what it is you're willing to do to get sober.

FeelingGreat

hi jaybee, I was an after-work drinker as well, so I know that craving that appears on the way home, the anticipation of the first drink, followed by many others. It's plain scary to think you'll be giving up that pleasure, but it can be done and life gets much better afterwards. If you're like me, you have a self-image that doesn't sit well with being a soak.
The key practical thing I did once I stopped, was to disrupt my usual routine after work by walking, buying a fresh juice, setting up another relaxing routine and deep breathing once the cravings hit. It helped me through the first few months until my body and mind had adjusted to the new reality. I do get cravings now, but only occasionally and not as an after-work inevitability.

least

You can live the life you want but you have to put the bottle down first. As long as you're still drinking your life is going nowhere.

Try something for your sobriety that you haven't tried before, whether that's AA or some other program, counseling, or whatever - just put in more effort to get the sobriety you want.

MnEman

I agree with Least, you might want to check out a face to face support group like AA. Not only will the relationships you build in AA help keep you accountable, you may find a spiritual way of living and viewing the world that can make the difference between recovery and illness. Good Luck

IOAA2

When I was relapsing almost every day I must have had a spiritual moment of a small amount of clarity when I surrendered to the fact I could not drink in safety. I asked MY Higher Power to help me stop drinking. That was many years ago and have not had a desire to drink since. Let me add I never was or am to this day a religious person but rely on my Higher Power to keep me sober. Following that moment of clarity I needed to be honest with myself about drinking, change from being an undisciplined person and attend a lot of meetings where I learned to live without trying to escape. I became very active in the program where I became close to many good people.
The above takes time which many, including myself don't like but need to accept.
The result is being comfortable in my own skin most of the time.

BE WELL