Slowing down to enjoy each day
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Aberdeen, Washington
Posts: 4
Slowing down to enjoy each day
I will be 38 years old in a couple of weeks, close to half of those years were spent in the cloistered seclusion of Meth addiction. The final ten years of addiction I was a functioning addict, before that I bounced around and did little or nothing but drugs. I found a way to make meth pay me and used speed to increase my productivity and longevity at work. I was sure I had it all figured out and held down the same job for those ten years.
The last eight years I did not one time run out of dope, I used all day everyday. I was high when I ate and when I slept, I would sleep 2-3 hours twice a day to avoid coming all the way down. I would force myself twice a day to eat a can of tuna and drink a quart of chocolate milk, thinking I could avoid detection by peers and police, if I took care of myself.
I did just that, unfortunately this only dug my addictive hole deeper and deeper. There was nothing I could do without drugs by the time I had finished. I was so afraid of running out I bought more and more, much more than I used. I had a stockpile like fort knox, when I quit I had enough dope to last me 3-4 months. The turning point came when I reflected on all my addict friends and realized none of them were ever happy, their minds blown and bodies shot. They were all older than me and I did not like what I saw in store for my future. I began to get angry the last two years I used at the impossibility or perceived impossibility of me ever moving on without meth.
The anger was very intense and I often left a wide swath of destruction in my wake as I ambled through life. Then came a day I felt nothing but anger all day everyday I had to stop using. I hated the drug that ran every part of my life. So on November 10th 2012 I decided to quit for good I chopped a line and said this is the last I will ever do. It all started with lines it was a fitting way to end, I did that line and went to sleep. I woke the next day and the anger was all but gone, though happiness took some time to attain.
I am sixteen months clean and oddly enough I have not had a single craving to use. How can I crave something I hate so much, I will never use again I had enough in those seventeen years of addiction.
It took 8 months for the bodily aches and pains to subside. I was staring at a year clean before the fog began to lift, and about that time I found a renewed sense of joy and peace, that has grown and grown for the last four months. I am so happy and positive now it really is disgusting. I feel sharper mentally than I ever have, physically I feel great though we are only 25 once so of course age stops for no one even an addict.
The last eight years I did not one time run out of dope, I used all day everyday. I was high when I ate and when I slept, I would sleep 2-3 hours twice a day to avoid coming all the way down. I would force myself twice a day to eat a can of tuna and drink a quart of chocolate milk, thinking I could avoid detection by peers and police, if I took care of myself.
I did just that, unfortunately this only dug my addictive hole deeper and deeper. There was nothing I could do without drugs by the time I had finished. I was so afraid of running out I bought more and more, much more than I used. I had a stockpile like fort knox, when I quit I had enough dope to last me 3-4 months. The turning point came when I reflected on all my addict friends and realized none of them were ever happy, their minds blown and bodies shot. They were all older than me and I did not like what I saw in store for my future. I began to get angry the last two years I used at the impossibility or perceived impossibility of me ever moving on without meth.
The anger was very intense and I often left a wide swath of destruction in my wake as I ambled through life. Then came a day I felt nothing but anger all day everyday I had to stop using. I hated the drug that ran every part of my life. So on November 10th 2012 I decided to quit for good I chopped a line and said this is the last I will ever do. It all started with lines it was a fitting way to end, I did that line and went to sleep. I woke the next day and the anger was all but gone, though happiness took some time to attain.
I am sixteen months clean and oddly enough I have not had a single craving to use. How can I crave something I hate so much, I will never use again I had enough in those seventeen years of addiction.
It took 8 months for the bodily aches and pains to subside. I was staring at a year clean before the fog began to lift, and about that time I found a renewed sense of joy and peace, that has grown and grown for the last four months. I am so happy and positive now it really is disgusting. I feel sharper mentally than I ever have, physically I feel great though we are only 25 once so of course age stops for no one even an addict.
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