No One Knows I've Started Drinking Again
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1
No One Knows I've Started Drinking Again
Everyone I know believes I stopped drinking over a year ago; at least amongst those who have known me since college or prior to.
I suppose I do not have your typical story, although I realize addiction does not discriminate. However, in my experience, it has been that many addicts come from broken homes or families with a history of addiction problems. I come from neither. Please note, it is not my attempt to make a blanket statement, I am simply stating an observation.
I come from a wealthy background, where I grew up in an upscale neighborhood, went to private school and I feel as though much of what I have was handed to me. As opposed to having to work for it, my parent’s money has given me opportunities that perhaps others have not had.
I graduated summa *** laude from Brown with a double major in Criminal Justice and Economics. I have gone on to pursue my Law Degree at BC Law. I married my “High School Sweetheart” this past summer who is finishing up his residency at Mass General.
I come from a loving and supportive family, both extended and immediate. My parents and siblings have remained supportive despite my troubles, as has my husband, who perhaps faced the brunt of my addiction. Thankfully, we do not currently have children so that has not been an issue.
I did not drink in high school. I was a straight A student with a “Type A” personality. I had NO interest in partying or drugs or anything of the sort. I did not understand the appeal. It had been drilled into me quite early on that education was of extreme importance. I had always felt a certain amount of pressure to achieve; however much of this was a consequence of self-pressure.
I had my first drink, as freshman in college, and honestly did not really care for it. I found it made me feel shaky and strange and it did not appeal to me. Subsequently I made the decision to cease drinking. Although I did occasionally smoke weed with my roommate who dealt throughout college.
My 21st birthday coincided with an extremely stressful period in my life. Being of legal age alcohol became much easier to purchase. It is then that the troubles started
As time continued alcohol began to cause more problems. I took sabbatical from both law school and work as a paralegal in September 2012. This was a consequence of my drinking. I had reached a point where it was not possible to maintain my lifestyle. My husband and I had to postpone our wedding as a result of this as well. I must give him credit for being so fantastic and supportive through all of this. I am not sure if it is something I deserve.
I was sober for over a year before “falling off the wagon” in December. It is perhaps important to mention that I was smoking marijuana during my sobriety; therefore I perhaps have no sober time amongst the traditional definition. I did not find weed caused the same problems for me as alcohol. It was not something that felt out of control however the habit got quite expensive. In addition my husband began to take notice. He questioned me about the smell that lingered on my clothes or within our vehicle. Marijuana began to go missing from my “hiding spots” as well as pipes and paper.
I felt quite immature hiding all this from my husband but he has made it clear that unless I was willing to stay clean and sober he was not willing to stay with me. He never mentions the weed to me, however I am quite sure he must have taken it as it is just the two of us in our apartment.
I continued to buy weed and he continued to find it despite my attempts to hide it. I found my life quickly became unmanageable without this crutch and my drinking increased. At first I had been positively reinforced by my ability to drink only occasionally. However I have come to find out that this may have been due to weed acting as a replacement.
Perhaps all of this sounds quite ridiculous to those of you who have truly suffered as a result of your drinking. Despite the length of this post I have no told my whole story but I have suffered consequences as well. Although perhaps not enough to make it click as I have continued the behavior.
I do worry it will spiral out of control and that I will lose my husband over this. However, I am not sure if I am able to live my life as a sober woman. That is without weed or alcohol as I found it almost impossible to manage my life sober. I felt as though I was never really happy or relaxed, I always felt stressed and uptight. I still feel as though I must choose on or the other and marijuana seems like the lesser of two evils here however I have had trouble acquiring it recently. I must also consider my husbands feelings on the matter. (Although, in a really selfish and awful way I do not want to)
I am quite confused as the best way to proceed. And because I know this will be asked, I am not and never have been to NA, AA or any kind of recovery program minus what was court ordered after my DUI arrest last Sept. I did not like it and felt everyone forced their own ideas and views on me and it only led to more stress an increased desire to drink.
I suppose I do not have your typical story, although I realize addiction does not discriminate. However, in my experience, it has been that many addicts come from broken homes or families with a history of addiction problems. I come from neither. Please note, it is not my attempt to make a blanket statement, I am simply stating an observation.
I come from a wealthy background, where I grew up in an upscale neighborhood, went to private school and I feel as though much of what I have was handed to me. As opposed to having to work for it, my parent’s money has given me opportunities that perhaps others have not had.
I graduated summa *** laude from Brown with a double major in Criminal Justice and Economics. I have gone on to pursue my Law Degree at BC Law. I married my “High School Sweetheart” this past summer who is finishing up his residency at Mass General.
I come from a loving and supportive family, both extended and immediate. My parents and siblings have remained supportive despite my troubles, as has my husband, who perhaps faced the brunt of my addiction. Thankfully, we do not currently have children so that has not been an issue.
I did not drink in high school. I was a straight A student with a “Type A” personality. I had NO interest in partying or drugs or anything of the sort. I did not understand the appeal. It had been drilled into me quite early on that education was of extreme importance. I had always felt a certain amount of pressure to achieve; however much of this was a consequence of self-pressure.
I had my first drink, as freshman in college, and honestly did not really care for it. I found it made me feel shaky and strange and it did not appeal to me. Subsequently I made the decision to cease drinking. Although I did occasionally smoke weed with my roommate who dealt throughout college.
My 21st birthday coincided with an extremely stressful period in my life. Being of legal age alcohol became much easier to purchase. It is then that the troubles started
As time continued alcohol began to cause more problems. I took sabbatical from both law school and work as a paralegal in September 2012. This was a consequence of my drinking. I had reached a point where it was not possible to maintain my lifestyle. My husband and I had to postpone our wedding as a result of this as well. I must give him credit for being so fantastic and supportive through all of this. I am not sure if it is something I deserve.
I was sober for over a year before “falling off the wagon” in December. It is perhaps important to mention that I was smoking marijuana during my sobriety; therefore I perhaps have no sober time amongst the traditional definition. I did not find weed caused the same problems for me as alcohol. It was not something that felt out of control however the habit got quite expensive. In addition my husband began to take notice. He questioned me about the smell that lingered on my clothes or within our vehicle. Marijuana began to go missing from my “hiding spots” as well as pipes and paper.
I felt quite immature hiding all this from my husband but he has made it clear that unless I was willing to stay clean and sober he was not willing to stay with me. He never mentions the weed to me, however I am quite sure he must have taken it as it is just the two of us in our apartment.
I continued to buy weed and he continued to find it despite my attempts to hide it. I found my life quickly became unmanageable without this crutch and my drinking increased. At first I had been positively reinforced by my ability to drink only occasionally. However I have come to find out that this may have been due to weed acting as a replacement.
Perhaps all of this sounds quite ridiculous to those of you who have truly suffered as a result of your drinking. Despite the length of this post I have no told my whole story but I have suffered consequences as well. Although perhaps not enough to make it click as I have continued the behavior.
I do worry it will spiral out of control and that I will lose my husband over this. However, I am not sure if I am able to live my life as a sober woman. That is without weed or alcohol as I found it almost impossible to manage my life sober. I felt as though I was never really happy or relaxed, I always felt stressed and uptight. I still feel as though I must choose on or the other and marijuana seems like the lesser of two evils here however I have had trouble acquiring it recently. I must also consider my husbands feelings on the matter. (Although, in a really selfish and awful way I do not want to)
I am quite confused as the best way to proceed. And because I know this will be asked, I am not and never have been to NA, AA or any kind of recovery program minus what was court ordered after my DUI arrest last Sept. I did not like it and felt everyone forced their own ideas and views on me and it only led to more stress an increased desire to drink.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,642
For me, the choice became clear. I didn't want to continue being that which I loathe.....a liar. My life is insane when I'm drinking. Nothing is better. I don't like me when I'm drinking. I finally chose to quit being selfish and got sober for me AND my family. I chose peace, and I don't regret it.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome to SR 
I think you'll find more people identify with you than you think here
I don't come from a broken home and my immediate family is free from addiction.
I've never been homeless. never had a DUI, never had a criminal record.
I have several university degrees and I was used to straight A's. I had not one but two successful careers
But my drinking and drug taking was still killing me from the inside out.
I've also had the same destructive experience with weed, so your story doesn't sound ridiculous to me at all LL.
Trying to keep secrets is like trying to keep a bunch of plates in the air, while being sat upon by an elephant. I hope you'll find your load a little lightened by being here and joining our community
You will find people here who have backgrounds different to yours, maybe vastly different, but that wont make their advice or their help any less valuable to you
I'm glad you found us.
D
I think you'll find more people identify with you than you think here
I don't come from a broken home and my immediate family is free from addiction.
I've never been homeless. never had a DUI, never had a criminal record.
I have several university degrees and I was used to straight A's. I had not one but two successful careers
But my drinking and drug taking was still killing me from the inside out.
I've also had the same destructive experience with weed, so your story doesn't sound ridiculous to me at all LL.
Trying to keep secrets is like trying to keep a bunch of plates in the air, while being sat upon by an elephant. I hope you'll find your load a little lightened by being here and joining our community
You will find people here who have backgrounds different to yours, maybe vastly different, but that wont make their advice or their help any less valuable to you
I'm glad you found us.
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: California
Posts: 206
Well, I come from a loving family, I'm married, have great kids, own my own home, have a job I love, and have never been in trouble with the law. That doesn't mean that I hadn't worked my way up to "secretly" drinking myself to sleep (a.k.a. blackout) with a half a bottle of vodka almost every night. When I go to AA meetings, some people look like they were hard drinkers, and some look like sweet grandma types. Only you know what's going on inside, and I'm glad you took the time to write out your thoughts and feelings. Please keep trying, and come back often. The love and support here really help.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: canada
Posts: 748
You may be surprised how typical your story is. :-)
I'm married in a wonderful, stable relationship that has never experienced any troubles beyond the normal and expected ups and downs of the long-term. I was a straight A university student with a double major in mathematics and chemistry. I come from a well adjusted family with a lot of love and happy childhood and young adult memories. I have a great job, am well paid and out of 130 employees I have received the award for being the most respected employee in our nationwide company for 3 out of the 6 years I have worked there. I am blessed to own a home in a very beautiful part of the world where snow capped mountains meet the ocean and where the climate is generally mild year round. I truly have been blessed in life and have nothing to complain about....
....oh yea, and I'm an alcoholic who spent the better part of the past decade on a progressive path of increasingly binge drinking myself to excess 3 to 4 nights a week and more than likely to an early grave at the rate I was going. There were also periods earlier in the decade where drug abuse was also part of the equation.
As far as I'm aware, no one has ever known or suspected. After discussion with my spouse I've found out that I even did a fairly respectable job of hiding it at home even as it was happening night after night.
What I'm finding as I have begun to share my struggle and situation as appropriate is that stories such as ours are the surprisingly typical ones.
I'm married in a wonderful, stable relationship that has never experienced any troubles beyond the normal and expected ups and downs of the long-term. I was a straight A university student with a double major in mathematics and chemistry. I come from a well adjusted family with a lot of love and happy childhood and young adult memories. I have a great job, am well paid and out of 130 employees I have received the award for being the most respected employee in our nationwide company for 3 out of the 6 years I have worked there. I am blessed to own a home in a very beautiful part of the world where snow capped mountains meet the ocean and where the climate is generally mild year round. I truly have been blessed in life and have nothing to complain about....
....oh yea, and I'm an alcoholic who spent the better part of the past decade on a progressive path of increasingly binge drinking myself to excess 3 to 4 nights a week and more than likely to an early grave at the rate I was going. There were also periods earlier in the decade where drug abuse was also part of the equation.
As far as I'm aware, no one has ever known or suspected. After discussion with my spouse I've found out that I even did a fairly respectable job of hiding it at home even as it was happening night after night.
What I'm finding as I have begun to share my struggle and situation as appropriate is that stories such as ours are the surprisingly typical ones.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 643
Ditto to above LL. I am no doctor or psychologist but it sounds like there is a lot of anxiety and turmoil going on inside you. Maybe a counsellor could help you sort out whether you are using the drugs/alcohol to cope with the anxiety and maybe even an antidepressant may help. I have no stigma when it comes to taking antidepressants and am quite happy to tell people I take "chill pills". If it keeps my anxiety at bay and my life happy and manageable it is a fair trade off. I'm sorry you are in such distress. You really would get help talking to someone unbiased outside of your circle. Let us know how you do x
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi LL, as others have pointed out, in many ways you're typical, if there can be a typical addict. Too many people associate out-of-control addictions with living under a bridge and never washing. Not true - middle class people just have the means to hide it better.
But you do have a couple of huge advantages. You had a stable loving upbringing, and a you have a husband who loves you but is not willing to enable you. This gives you emotional hard ground beneath your feet because you're not also struggling with abuse. I'm sure you have a good self-image from years of achievement; can you imagine yourself as a helpless addict who has thrown away your marriage, and is an object of pity to your family?
I'm not a type A personality myself but I do have 2 sisters who are and I know they are used to being in control. Give them something they can't control and it just doesn't compute. They are so used to being good girls that it becomes almost impossible to admit to themselves and others that they're struggling. I must add they are also lovely people and excellent parents.
I was an alcoholic, had a job, friends, assets etc. and I grew so dependent on alcohol that I couldn't imagine life without it. I discussed it with my doctor, and when he suggested abstinence, everything inside me was screaming 'NO !!!' When I finally found the motivation to quit I found there is a life after addiction, and it's much much better. It's also boosted my self-esteem that I could succeed in abstinence.
Can I suggest that you start by talking to a counsellor who specialises in D&A addiction? Make it intensive, do what you need to do. You are obviously goal oriented - maybe you can treat this as an assignment where you expect to earn an A.
But you do have a couple of huge advantages. You had a stable loving upbringing, and a you have a husband who loves you but is not willing to enable you. This gives you emotional hard ground beneath your feet because you're not also struggling with abuse. I'm sure you have a good self-image from years of achievement; can you imagine yourself as a helpless addict who has thrown away your marriage, and is an object of pity to your family?
I'm not a type A personality myself but I do have 2 sisters who are and I know they are used to being in control. Give them something they can't control and it just doesn't compute. They are so used to being good girls that it becomes almost impossible to admit to themselves and others that they're struggling. I must add they are also lovely people and excellent parents.
I was an alcoholic, had a job, friends, assets etc. and I grew so dependent on alcohol that I couldn't imagine life without it. I discussed it with my doctor, and when he suggested abstinence, everything inside me was screaming 'NO !!!' When I finally found the motivation to quit I found there is a life after addiction, and it's much much better. It's also boosted my self-esteem that I could succeed in abstinence.
Can I suggest that you start by talking to a counsellor who specialises in D&A addiction? Make it intensive, do what you need to do. You are obviously goal oriented - maybe you can treat this as an assignment where you expect to earn an A.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Isn't lying lawyer an oxymoron?
Seriously, you have to be really honest with yourself.
There's never been a degree that I know of, that can prevent addiction.
I tried the marijuana maintenance program myself for a while, and from my observation it usually signifies an inability or unwillingness to yet deal with reality.
In my case, it eventually lead back to drinking too.
Seriously, you have to be really honest with yourself.
There's never been a degree that I know of, that can prevent addiction.
I tried the marijuana maintenance program myself for a while, and from my observation it usually signifies an inability or unwillingness to yet deal with reality.
In my case, it eventually lead back to drinking too.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Stories about alcoholism and addictions represent the standard currency here, but I'm also concerned about the game of hide-and-go-seek that you and your husband are playing with your marijuana. Sounds very much unlike an honest, open and supportive relationship. I'm also wondering whether or not your husband knew of your relationship with booze and weed before you were married, despite the fact that he was your "High School Sweetheart."
When people talk about their spouses, they typically provide some sort of information about their loving them or hating them and everything in between. This aspect was glaring for its absence in your post, so I continue to wonder. The only comment you provide about his potentially leaving is "I do worry it will spiral out of control and that I will lose my husband over this. However, I am not sure if I am able to live my life as a sober woman." Nothing about you being "brokenhearted," "lost," or unable to live without him (not a criticism). But what I get from this is more a sense of dread about your not being able to live a sober life rather than a sense of fear that he might leave you.
I won't jump to conclusions, and perhaps my concerns emerged as a result of your not commenting on the terms of engagement in your marriage or a more complete narrative around your relationship with your husband. In either case, and based on what you did reveal in your comments, it seems as though there are things you and your husband haven't talked about that probably need to be addressed.
When people talk about their spouses, they typically provide some sort of information about their loving them or hating them and everything in between. This aspect was glaring for its absence in your post, so I continue to wonder. The only comment you provide about his potentially leaving is "I do worry it will spiral out of control and that I will lose my husband over this. However, I am not sure if I am able to live my life as a sober woman." Nothing about you being "brokenhearted," "lost," or unable to live without him (not a criticism). But what I get from this is more a sense of dread about your not being able to live a sober life rather than a sense of fear that he might leave you.
I won't jump to conclusions, and perhaps my concerns emerged as a result of your not commenting on the terms of engagement in your marriage or a more complete narrative around your relationship with your husband. In either case, and based on what you did reveal in your comments, it seems as though there are things you and your husband haven't talked about that probably need to be addressed.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 11,351
Hi LL .
I too was like you. I didn't think i was ready ( nor wanted ) to live a sober life .
Eventually that choice was made for me medically as it will do for all of us if we continued to drink.
I realised i wasn't all about me anymore . I had a husband and children that loved me .
I became a person i didn't recognise anymore , both physically and mentally.
I became a prolific liar .
I didn't like nor respect myself anymore so why should anyone else .
Your marijuana usage was filling a void for the alcohol as you are probably self medicating through both of these.
Your relationship with your husband isn't an honest one . You are lying about smoking weed and he is lying by saying nothing to you about it .
Why doesn't he broach the subject with you ? Will you go off your trolley ? Is he scared to ask due to your reaction? Or is he just burying his head in the sand ( like my husband did ) and hope its a phase or you will just quit?
Without trust in your relationship , you don't really have a healthy one . You don't sound ready to give it up yet .
Once you do you will wish you had done it sooner , I'm sure .
I'm only 8 months sober , but i have finally got peace in my life . I've never done AA nor wanted to .
This place SR was my saving grace .I hope it can be yours too .
Life is complicated enough without the BS that goes with addiction.
I wish you peace , good luck and keep posting
Xx
I too was like you. I didn't think i was ready ( nor wanted ) to live a sober life .
Eventually that choice was made for me medically as it will do for all of us if we continued to drink.
I realised i wasn't all about me anymore . I had a husband and children that loved me .
I became a person i didn't recognise anymore , both physically and mentally.
I became a prolific liar .
I didn't like nor respect myself anymore so why should anyone else .
Your marijuana usage was filling a void for the alcohol as you are probably self medicating through both of these.
Your relationship with your husband isn't an honest one . You are lying about smoking weed and he is lying by saying nothing to you about it .
Why doesn't he broach the subject with you ? Will you go off your trolley ? Is he scared to ask due to your reaction? Or is he just burying his head in the sand ( like my husband did ) and hope its a phase or you will just quit?
Without trust in your relationship , you don't really have a healthy one . You don't sound ready to give it up yet .
Once you do you will wish you had done it sooner , I'm sure .
I'm only 8 months sober , but i have finally got peace in my life . I've never done AA nor wanted to .
This place SR was my saving grace .I hope it can be yours too .
Life is complicated enough without the BS that goes with addiction.
I wish you peace , good luck and keep posting
Xx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Festus mo
Posts: 3
Your heading in the right direction
Welcome and your in the right place. If your willing and it sounds like you are, there is hell and hope immediately available.
As you already know getting to an aa or an meeting that you are comfortable with is imperative. I had to try a few different ones before I found one I felt good with, not too taxing only 3 different meetings and well worth it.
I also never thought I'd find myself in this position, had every advantage, loving supportive, non drinking parents. Yet here I am.
I'd be happy to share my story with you and talk anytime .
I went from wanting to die, just drink myself to death, to a new kind if freedom and sobriety I've never known before. A sense of belonging and love like no other. Thanks to aa. You'll be able to walk know those rooms with no shame, joy and peace. Also get a big book or start reading the stories from it online. You'll be amazed at similarities you'll find plus it will give you incentive to follow through on a face to face meeting.
If I may suggest a reading from the big book? " The promises"really spoke to me and still do.
My prayers are with you
Alisa w
As you already know getting to an aa or an meeting that you are comfortable with is imperative. I had to try a few different ones before I found one I felt good with, not too taxing only 3 different meetings and well worth it.
I also never thought I'd find myself in this position, had every advantage, loving supportive, non drinking parents. Yet here I am.
I'd be happy to share my story with you and talk anytime .
I went from wanting to die, just drink myself to death, to a new kind if freedom and sobriety I've never known before. A sense of belonging and love like no other. Thanks to aa. You'll be able to walk know those rooms with no shame, joy and peace. Also get a big book or start reading the stories from it online. You'll be amazed at similarities you'll find plus it will give you incentive to follow through on a face to face meeting.
If I may suggest a reading from the big book? " The promises"really spoke to me and still do.
My prayers are with you
Alisa w
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,450
I know many wealthy addicts. As others have pointed out, addiction has little to do with socioeconomic background. It can ruin lives regardless of wealth. Certainly a wealthy person may have more options for treatment, but I believe the journey may be very similar. You will find lots of support here from people of all backgrounds. This site is great.
Sober Today
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 779
Plenty of people in IOP with me (out patient treatment) who come from loving, well-to-do homes with little to no childhood trauma.
I would give a treatment program and/or AA another shot. I wasn't down with AA the first time either. Not because I was mandated to be there (I wasn't), but because I wasn't ready to quit drinking or to be completely honest with myself. Absolutely love AA this time around. I am also in out patient treatment which has been amazing. I can't speak highly enough of it.
Good luck to you!
I would give a treatment program and/or AA another shot. I wasn't down with AA the first time either. Not because I was mandated to be there (I wasn't), but because I wasn't ready to quit drinking or to be completely honest with myself. Absolutely love AA this time around. I am also in out patient treatment which has been amazing. I can't speak highly enough of it.
Good luck to you!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic
Posts: 551
Welcome LL.
Sounds like you have already experienced some significant, negative consequences as a result of your drinking:
hiatus law school
postponement of wedding
relationship problems
DUI
A lot of people here, including me, can assure you that this is a progressive condition. Things WILL only get worse.
The ball's in your court.
Sounds like you have already experienced some significant, negative consequences as a result of your drinking:
hiatus law school
postponement of wedding
relationship problems
DUI
A lot of people here, including me, can assure you that this is a progressive condition. Things WILL only get worse.
The ball's in your court.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Hi and welcome to SR!
I agree with everyone saying addiction does not discriminate based on family background, wealth, intelligence, education, etc. What negative (or dysfunctional) environments can do is increase the probability of developing a problem.
I am not coming from a particularly wealthy family, but financially reasonably well set and stable. Two loving parents who never had addiction problems (both of my grandfathers had though, and some others in my extended family). No significant abuse or traumas in childhood except some bullying at school. I was also a good student, always on top of my class quite effortlessly, and committed to a long term academic career early. Still in it. I have always lived quite an unconventional lifestyle but that never involved socializing with others that had problems keeping their lives together (although a few of my friends had similar "hidden" drinking problems to mine). Yet I developed both eating disorders in my teens and alcohol addiction in my 30's. None of them pretty and I was hiding them as much as it was possible.
I really suggest that you seriously consider making getting sober and clean a priority while still young, it has amazing long term benefits. In contrary, addictions will only progress downhill and put you in more and more difficulties that you perhaps cannot even imagine just yet. I am still in early recovery but have found that changing my lifestyle and committing to a program of recovery (never used AA or other organized programs, I've been setting up mine and SR has been extremely helpful) is essential.
I actually think that wealth, relatively good life conditions, financial and intellectual freedom can often make addictions "flourish" because we can afford it and also are able to hide better from peers.
All the best to you
I agree with everyone saying addiction does not discriminate based on family background, wealth, intelligence, education, etc. What negative (or dysfunctional) environments can do is increase the probability of developing a problem.
I am not coming from a particularly wealthy family, but financially reasonably well set and stable. Two loving parents who never had addiction problems (both of my grandfathers had though, and some others in my extended family). No significant abuse or traumas in childhood except some bullying at school. I was also a good student, always on top of my class quite effortlessly, and committed to a long term academic career early. Still in it. I have always lived quite an unconventional lifestyle but that never involved socializing with others that had problems keeping their lives together (although a few of my friends had similar "hidden" drinking problems to mine). Yet I developed both eating disorders in my teens and alcohol addiction in my 30's. None of them pretty and I was hiding them as much as it was possible.
I really suggest that you seriously consider making getting sober and clean a priority while still young, it has amazing long term benefits. In contrary, addictions will only progress downhill and put you in more and more difficulties that you perhaps cannot even imagine just yet. I am still in early recovery but have found that changing my lifestyle and committing to a program of recovery (never used AA or other organized programs, I've been setting up mine and SR has been extremely helpful) is essential.
I actually think that wealth, relatively good life conditions, financial and intellectual freedom can often make addictions "flourish" because we can afford it and also are able to hide better from peers.
All the best to you
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi. and welcome. In my case I drank to ease my feelings and fears to escape my dysfunction and undisciplined way of life which I didn't know were the reasons. I stayed in denial for too long trying to stop my way which was 100% ineffective.
When I finally surrendered and attended many meetings, where I was among people who understood and offered great support, I became slowly more comfortable in my own skin.
For me a huge benefit is I have not had a desire for a drink for many years. I'm not saying life is perfect, I'm able to deal with it far better one day at a time.
BE WELL
When I finally surrendered and attended many meetings, where I was among people who understood and offered great support, I became slowly more comfortable in my own skin.
For me a huge benefit is I have not had a desire for a drink for many years. I'm not saying life is perfect, I'm able to deal with it far better one day at a time.
BE WELL
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