2 months on - when does the disappointment go away?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: uk
Posts: 68
2 months on - when does the disappointment go away?
Hi its been 2 months since I left my xabf..we've had no contact in that time and I have been focusing on me and my girls. These past 3 Fridays I've become sad and teary (which is unlike me) during the evening tme which is nudging into Saturdays too now despite being busy etc and doing extra meditations and things. I feel like Im stuck in a bit of a cycle- fine during the week full of positivity and glad to be free of that crazy relationship then Friday a wall of misery hits me....Im working my steps and start counselling soon, I do my gratitude list every day but what is it Im missing? what aren't I dealing with to be stuck like this?
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Essex
Posts: 411
I don't think you're missing anything
Sounds like grief popping up to me. You've lost something - a person, and hoped for potential. Weekends are family time, couple time, and in that space, where that relationship was, is just space now. Perfectly natural and healthy to notice that absence and feel sad about it. It is sad, however the relationship went down.
And it's only been two months. That's not long, particularly if this person were around for a long time (either physically, or in your head)
I'd say, that when I've felt like this, the last thing I am is stuck. Just going through a process, and that takes time, and the fact that it pops up to be dealt with, is a good thing. Even if doesn't always feel that way
May be time to explore what you may like your Fri evenings and weekends to look like in your new life....
Sounds like grief popping up to me. You've lost something - a person, and hoped for potential. Weekends are family time, couple time, and in that space, where that relationship was, is just space now. Perfectly natural and healthy to notice that absence and feel sad about it. It is sad, however the relationship went down.
And it's only been two months. That's not long, particularly if this person were around for a long time (either physically, or in your head)
I'd say, that when I've felt like this, the last thing I am is stuck. Just going through a process, and that takes time, and the fact that it pops up to be dealt with, is a good thing. Even if doesn't always feel that way
May be time to explore what you may like your Fri evenings and weekends to look like in your new life....
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 609
Friday nights were hard for me too in the beginning...maybe book yourself on Friday nights even if its just planning simple things with your girls so that way you have something to look forward to. That is what I try to do on sad days or significant days...
It has not been very long at all...give yourself time. I am separated almost 2 years from AH and pain just comes out of nowhere at times. Be gentle with yourself. When it comes, allow yourself to feel it, deal with it and then you can heal...unfortunately there are no shortcuts.
You are not doing anything wrong...you are just grieving.
It has not been very long at all...give yourself time. I am separated almost 2 years from AH and pain just comes out of nowhere at times. Be gentle with yourself. When it comes, allow yourself to feel it, deal with it and then you can heal...unfortunately there are no shortcuts.
You are not doing anything wrong...you are just grieving.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Southern US
Posts: 785
I agree with the others. I'm about a month out. Most days I feel good, like everything's exactly how it should be. But, there are moments, sometimes days that I just feel so incredibly sad. I actually posted about it earlier this week. The good thing is, it always passes. This book has helped me work through some of my grief: Opening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: uk
Posts: 68
Thanks for your replies. I guess I start feeling guilty/stupid for feeling like that. And it ended abruptly and angry and I find myself wondering if that makes it harder too. Trying to make sense of a senseless situation.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Muskegon, Michigan
Posts: 131
I too am only about 6 weeks out of an abrupt angry ending AGAIN. I spend time with my daughters and my weekdays are busy, but you are right. The weekends are brutal and we are grieving. Not much time to grieve during the week. It all comes crashing in on the weekends. I started yoga which helps. But in the end, these ladies are right. We have to go through the process. I found myself watching a love story today. I don't recommend that. LOL. Think I will stick to watching Ice Age with my 8 year old tonight. Goodluck
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