Notices

Do I Need To Go Out?

Old 03-14-2014, 05:30 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Administrator
Thread Starter
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,047
Do I Need To Go Out?

Whenever I quit in the past I was always terrified of change.

Even though I knew I wanted to stop drinking, I didn't want to lose my friends, I didn't want to be lonely and I didn't want to be different.

The proof:


I am scared about the buddy thing though - (not sure if this should be in the 'men' section)

in a day or so, my usual drinking buddy will be back in town...thankfully my disability doesn't affect my hands, and I'm a musician....so me and this guy play music together, and we usually hang out, mostly cos we both tend to be at home during the day, and we jam....

the problem is, after a drink or six, he's pretty - well I don't want to use the word manipulative, but it fits....even when I've told him I'm not drinking, he'll wait for that glimpse of longing or doubt or weakness or whatever he sees, and then he'll offer me whatever he's drinking, or even beers from the fridge that he's bought for me, and he'll keep asking me if I want one with each new drink he has...

Now I know that no-one can really force me to drink, but the fact remains I've failed in my sobriety more times with him than I've held it.

I've read a lot of the posts today, and you're right - I should cut him out my life, but he's been part of 'The Band' for nearly 15 years now and, right or wrong, the band is important to me (the other guys, even the rock n roll party animals, are no problem).

I've tried to approach him about this loads of times (and even got the other guys to, once or twice) but while he's never physical with me, he gets aggressive and intimidating when he's drunk, which kinds scares me to be honest, and he completely rejects any hint that he's trying to get me to do anything.

any tips on approaching this guy from anyone who's had this kind of thing ?
Yes thats really me as a Newbie.

The cheerfulness is entirely forced - in reality I felt so bad....my head was crazy jumbled I felt like my body was unresponsive and it took me an hour to write that post. I didn't know it then but I'd suffered the first of several mini strokes.

I thought I was going to drop dead any minute....

and yet I still 'had' to go visit my bud.

Couldn't drag me to the Drs with wild horses but I had to visit my friend.

The truth is I escaped not drinking or getting high by the very skin of my teeth.

I knew I wanted to stop but man I didn't want to.

This is me too:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ople-down.html

I needed some time away from alcohol and my drinking crew.

I needed to get my head together and decide, once and for all, what I wanted to do with my life.

I needed to make change in order for change to happen.

I stayed away from alcohol for a few months. It seems like a drop in the ocean now...sure I missed a few parties but I've gone to many more since...

I also discovered there are simple pleasures that don't need alcohol - coffee dates, DVD nights.. walking at twilight...getting back into old hobbies and new interests.

I changed in that period I was 'out of the social loop'.

My perceptions of myself, my world and what was important to me changed, especially from day one to day 90.

I didn't become someone else, I simply became someone I'd forgotten I was.

I talk of sobriety muscles. Noone starts off on the heaviest weights - you work up

I did my coffee dates and my volunteering and stayed away from boozefests until I was sure that nothing or no one could sway me from my decision to stay sober.

I still think that was a great investment.

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 03-14-2014, 05:33 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Psalm 118:24
 
CAPTAINZING2000's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
You grew my friend
CAPTAINZING2000 is offline  
Old 03-14-2014, 05:35 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Administrator
Thread Starter
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,047
I hope so Cap

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 03-14-2014, 05:37 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,671
Smile

Thank you for this.
least is offline  
Old 03-14-2014, 05:39 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Olive1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,443
Wise and thoughtful post.
Olive1 is offline  
Old 03-14-2014, 05:40 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Learning to LIve
 
LSC1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: NSW Australia
Posts: 908
Thanks
LSC1 is offline  
Old 03-14-2014, 05:43 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Phoenix Rising Again
 
Aarryckha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 3,079
Thank you very much for this post, Dee.
Aarryckha is offline  
Old 03-14-2014, 05:47 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
A Day at a Time
 
MIRecovery's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
TRUTH!!!!! From some one who has been there and done that
MIRecovery is offline  
Old 03-14-2014, 05:47 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
SoberLeigh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,775
Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I hope so Cap

D

No doubt about it. I think your earlier posts were more thoughtful and wise than you think, though.

The YOU that was always there was fighting to let loose.
SoberLeigh is offline  
Old 03-14-2014, 05:51 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
 
alphaomega's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,884
Showing us how to walk the walk.

So very grateful for you.
alphaomega is offline  
Old 03-14-2014, 06:04 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Recovering ostrich
 
Tamerua's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
You don't even sound like the Dee of today. Wow. Thanks for posting this.
Tamerua is offline  
Old 03-14-2014, 06:09 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Administrator
Thread Starter
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,047
No doubt about it. I think your earlier posts were more thoughtful and wise than you think, though.

The YOU that was always there was fighting to let loose.
You don't even sound like the Dee of today. Wow. Thanks for posting this.
Yeah I don't like these posts much I guess because there's a lot of artifice to them.

I was terrified and the way I dealt with that then was trying to be 'too cool for school'

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 03-14-2014, 06:15 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Awesome! Do you know what ever happened to him? Your drinking friend?
deeker is offline  
Old 03-14-2014, 06:22 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Administrator
Thread Starter
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,047
I'm not sure Deek. We drifted apart after that day.

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 03-14-2014, 06:24 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
God definitely had bigger plans for your life, I hope you are still picking away! Guitar ?
deeker is offline  
Old 03-14-2014, 06:30 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Administrator
Thread Starter
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,047
Not as much these days Deek, but I'm still playing yeah

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 03-14-2014, 06:42 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,330
Dee, there is so much honesty and truth in those old posts of yours. So often we get caught up in the things we must do, even though they put us in jeopardy.

Thanks for your thoughtful words.
Anna is offline  
Old 03-14-2014, 06:43 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Administrator
Thread Starter
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,047
Thanks Anna

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 03-14-2014, 06:49 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
Hevyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,416
Dee I'm so glad you posted those - it's very helpful for all of us!
Hevyn is offline  
Old 03-14-2014, 06:52 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
MaxxPower's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 300
Thanks for this Dee!..

I don't like reading my beginner posts either. Indeed, was terrifying times. I'm still worried, but at least i'm not deathly afraid anymore.

Gives me anxiety thinking about it..
MaxxPower is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:38 PM.