sobermeplease

Thank you to those who love us when we don't love ourselves. Hurt, deception, pain is not the goal. I know I don't want to loose my family, but this is hard. Really hard. In most cases your loved one has not set out to hurt you. Pain, disappointment, lying, cheating etc. hurt us too. Just a reminder too all involved. We hurt hurting you

Seren

Hello sobermeplease,

Welcome to SR! It is going to take a lifetime of continual vigilence and maintenance to control your alcoholism. I hope that you can find the support you need here at SoberRecovery to begin and continue that fight!!

In the days of early attempts at recovery, reading in the Friends and Family forums is perhaps not the best idea.

I wish you very well in your journey and hope and pray for a bright, beautiful, peaceful and joy-filled life ahead!

HikerLady

Yes, I agree with Seren. I'm not an A, just married to one, and boy is it tempting to respond in a way that wouldn't be very beneficial for someone working on their sobriety (just a gut feeling though). Great test for me to stay in my hula hoop though. Best of luck to you Sobermeplease.

hopeful4

I was going to respond in a different way, but that is not what this person needs.

I wish you the best of luck on your sobriety. I hope you find support here at SR and face to face support to help you on your way to recovery.

I do know it is hard, I also know YOU CAN DO THIS!

Good Luck and God Bless!

JustAGirl1971

I know it's painful for everyone, sombermeplease. Take comfort in knowing that you are doing the right thing for yourself and your family. You can do this, just take it a day at a time.

HopefulinFLA

Thank you soberme for posting this. It's a reminder that I'm not the only one in my relationship who feels hurt, and maybe I could try to be more compassionate towards my AH sometimes. I know this situation is hard for him also.

I hope you find some compassion too.

Best to you in your recovery.

Lyssy

Thank you for "saying" what a lot of us here @ F&F will never hear from our own As or RAs.

ladyscribbler

Take care of yourself. I know I have been guilty of being less than compassionate and even mean-spirited toward my qualifiers. We on the other side of the street have our amends to make too. Wishing you a happy and sober day!

m1k3

I've spent a lot of thinking about this post today. It left a bad taste in my mouth and I didn't understand why. It seemed like a heartfelt apology until I read it closer. Like every apology or explanation I ever got from my AW it was all about the poster. It minimized the damage that had been done. Look, it hurts us to hurt you. Don't you feel sorry for me?

I don't wish her any ill will and hope she is successful with her recovery, but....



Your friend,

Spinner-007

M1K3, until I read your post, I had some conflicting feelings about this as well.

As such, I am torn because I wouldn't want their walk, but I hate my position as well.

Sobermeplease, I really hope and pray that you are as dedicated to your recovery and restoring your family as you appear to have tht intention. And i pray that you succeed in your sobriety and happiness, and your loved ones also become happy again.

I have grown very Missourian in my walk as a spouse of an addict, and i now refuse listening to her words: its now 'show me'.

Sobermeplease, while you say it hurts you hurting your loved ones, it plain sucks being hurt and not being able to do anything about it. It's definately more like 'the ball is your court' situation, and its up to you to show, not tell, your loved ones what they, and your life, mean to you.

Just don't say it. Do it. No matter how hard it is, no matter the price to be paid. Your loved ones deserve it. And if you're serious about your sobriety, so do you.

AllThings

Mike,

I get this. I understand where you are coming from. I don't know HOW many times AH has cried and begged and pleaded for us to stay married and not give up on him, that he needs me. He cries about the things he's done to all of us, but none of it EVER stops him from getting drunk yet again...

I know, deep down, he is sorry that he has hurt me so many times, but the truth is - no matter how sorry he is and how much I care about him - I still don't deserve to be treated like he was treating me. So, while I respect the OP for expressing her thoughts, even if it was my AH right in front of me, it wouldn't change my plan of action. I can be very sad, I can pray for him, I can understand his problems, but I cannot let him escape his consequences.

Flavia2

Sober me, I hope you stay sober and make amends with your family. Still, this post is exactly what I hear from my AH all the time. REALLY he wants to do what he wants and for me to stay in the marriage because "he feels bad about it; this time will be different; he's going to change". Doesn't feel bad enough to stop doing it though. He wants to get away with as much as possible. Time to change later, next time. At some point there will be no more chances
If you hate cheating and lying, then STOP.

LoveMeNow

Codie alert.......apparently my recovery is very weak tonight because I am really triggered by this post with both compassion and anger!

Addiction destroys all.