anniecake

I feel like I am suffocating. This is my second post. I come here usually to read off and on when things get bad. My husband is an alcoholic. That is the first time I've said that. I'm terrified right now because last fall he took a job in a different city. We are now trying to sell our house and my business so we (my two young sons and me) can join him. He comes home once a week on his days off. My husband's drinking has always affected us off and on. He can go months acting normal with no drinking related issues and then BAM! the moodiness and the temper problems and the glassy eyes and vodka smelling breath are around for what seems like an eternity. Because of these apparent sober spells I have allowed myself to continue on as if his drinking is not that big of a deal. Well last night I had one of his friends, a woman he has worked with and been friends with for a while, over for dinner. She tells me that the last two places he has worked have noticed the alcohol breath and moodiness/temper. He always left one job for a better job-he is in a business where your career escalates by switching employers not by promotions within. I feel humiliated that these people that I would see on a regular basis were aware of his problems and they never mentioned anything to either of us and just kind of discussed it behind our back. I feel stupid that I thought the only place his drinking was causing problems was at home. This friend is someone that my husband confides in-more than me when it comes to the drinking. She said that there was a time that he was really depressed and he asked her to keep calling and checking on him. She told me that he confided in her that sometimes he would come home and hide out in the basement and just sleep/cry etc. I never knew this was happening. I knew he would be in the basement constantly but since I wanted to give him his own space, I never knew what he was doing down there. Forgive me for rambling, I just feel lost. I'm having another Open House this Sunday hoping to find a buyer. What if I sell our home and my business, get to where my husband is and he loses his job because of his drinking? I will have nothing. No financial source, my kids friends and school will be out of their lives. We live now about 2 blocks from my parents. My boys and I are close to them and spend a lot of time with them. That will be gone and I'll be in a strange city with no one but my kids and an alcoholic husband. What do I do?

Gabe

Hey Annie,
Ramble away, that's what we're here for.
Don't feel stupid. You couldn't know what he was hiding from you.
You can't do anything about his drinking problem.
He is the only one who can do something about that.
But you can do something for you.
Coming here was a great start.
Have you thought about going to Alanon meetings?
Make your decisions based on what is best for you and your kids.
Welcome to Sober Recovery. I'm glad you found us.
Hugs,
Gabe

splendra

Dear Anniecake-

I totally agree with Gabe make choices based on what is best for you and your kids. Is it best for you to go to a new city where you you don't know anyone and uproot your kids from their schools and friends? Well it could be an adventure for sure with maybe some drama thrown in....

Take care of you

JT

We live with it everyday and denial kicks in. We begin to not trust our own thoughts and observations. That is how we cope. But boy when someone else see's it can sure be devestating!

Make yourself at home here,
JT

StandingStrong

I know it's hard to face and deal with, but no, you can't change him or his drinking. He can only do that.
And it's important that you think of you and the kids and make the life that you wish it to be.
You're in one of those situations that no one can really tell you what to do. It takes a whole lot of soul searching as well as some major honesty with yourself to really face the facts.
You're on your way though, I believe, as you've ended up here.

ChillGal

One point you mentioned about the friend talking about it behind your BACKS. It is him doing the drinking not you. Don't you feel guilt for what he is doing. Take care of yourself. It is really hard to admit that some one close has a drinking problem. Once you admit it then you can start to think more about yourself and your kids. Hang in there and post often. It helps to see others coping with similar situations. Hugs.