Introversion, Drug Addiction, and Tragedy. Therapy Time?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: San Jose, California
Posts: 2
Introversion, Drug Addiction, and Tragedy. Therapy Time?
Hey, I'm Talidon and I just joined this website and am in need of some advice. To set the stage, i've always been somewhat introverted and my social experiences, outside of interaction with close friends, were often uncomfortable and awkward. This was really only the case until later on in high school, where I became more comfortable with myself, but still having that introverted nature in me.
Throughout my childhood I seemed to have an interest in medicine, starting with a fascination for bendryl which seemed to magically bring sleep to me. I remember ordering melatonin in my pre-teen years in hopes that it would bring me sleep. At this point I was no where near habitual use, but the fact that chemicals could alter states of mind and make things easier fascinated me deeply.
Then came weed, which was not only life changing, but became my nightly ritual for sleep. I began to realize the situation I was in, and the priviliges I had been given, essentially by accident of birth. I began with psychadelics and furthered my philosophy. Drugs brought me so much love, why shouldn't everyone have tho access?
I made a name for myself, outside of my school, for my possession of substances that people had never seen, and introducing them to my world, for free. I made a lot of true friends, but when you get into the habit of handing out drugs for free, you start to question who enjoys your company, and who just wants drugs. I had friends, and people who liked me, but I never truly understood why. These people were not coke fiends, taking advantage of generosity, and I formed close relations with many of them.
Essentially I suffer from self doubt, and I feel almost disconnected from reality.
But enough about my feelings, the point is I could never sleep sober. I would use Ny-Quil, then benadryl, ambien, whatever I could use. I even fell into an oxycodone binge which has left me with horrible memories.
I was prescribed Xanax for insomnia, but it started to harm me so I dropped it. Currently I use Etizolam on a nightly basis. This is manageable, and i have made the transition from Etizolam to Benadryl with minimal side effects.
A few days ago, a good friend of mine was killed in a car accident. He was presumed to be really drunk but the nature of accident gnaws at me constantly.
My drug use has increased… I use Etizolam to black out every night as it's all I can use to shut my brain off. I've noticed a change in my actions, my perception of others, and their perception of me.
I am NOT seeking advice from a therapist, I just want to know if finding a therapist would be beneficial to my situation. If so, what kind?
I need it sorted out, I want to be normal again. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Throughout my childhood I seemed to have an interest in medicine, starting with a fascination for bendryl which seemed to magically bring sleep to me. I remember ordering melatonin in my pre-teen years in hopes that it would bring me sleep. At this point I was no where near habitual use, but the fact that chemicals could alter states of mind and make things easier fascinated me deeply.
Then came weed, which was not only life changing, but became my nightly ritual for sleep. I began to realize the situation I was in, and the priviliges I had been given, essentially by accident of birth. I began with psychadelics and furthered my philosophy. Drugs brought me so much love, why shouldn't everyone have tho access?
I made a name for myself, outside of my school, for my possession of substances that people had never seen, and introducing them to my world, for free. I made a lot of true friends, but when you get into the habit of handing out drugs for free, you start to question who enjoys your company, and who just wants drugs. I had friends, and people who liked me, but I never truly understood why. These people were not coke fiends, taking advantage of generosity, and I formed close relations with many of them.
Essentially I suffer from self doubt, and I feel almost disconnected from reality.
But enough about my feelings, the point is I could never sleep sober. I would use Ny-Quil, then benadryl, ambien, whatever I could use. I even fell into an oxycodone binge which has left me with horrible memories.
I was prescribed Xanax for insomnia, but it started to harm me so I dropped it. Currently I use Etizolam on a nightly basis. This is manageable, and i have made the transition from Etizolam to Benadryl with minimal side effects.
A few days ago, a good friend of mine was killed in a car accident. He was presumed to be really drunk but the nature of accident gnaws at me constantly.
My drug use has increased… I use Etizolam to black out every night as it's all I can use to shut my brain off. I've noticed a change in my actions, my perception of others, and their perception of me.
I am NOT seeking advice from a therapist, I just want to know if finding a therapist would be beneficial to my situation. If so, what kind?
I need it sorted out, I want to be normal again. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
I used Ambien as well as other benzos for years, I started off with sleep issues too. IMO therapy sounds like an excellent idea, it sounds like you have some issues to sort out. Finding a good therapist can prove challenging, and I am of the opinion that the wrong therapist can do more harm than good. However, there are a lot of good therapists out there. If money isn't an issue then perhaps meet with a few different ones, we shop for cars why wouldn't be be particular with who we choose to work with us on our mental health.
A good therapeutic relationship is a collaboration, and at times it can mean being pushed. Building the relationship is usually important at the outset, and there are times when you have to trust the process. Sometimes we can't see our own habits and behaviors as clearly as we might think we do.
Fascination with altering our reality by introducing external substances could be the beginning of the long road to addiction. I think you are wise to see where you could be headed. Suffering a loss like you have just experienced can often tip us into a more precarious state. I would encourage you to do some research and find a therapist who understands addiction. I have worked with psychiatrists, psychologists and CSWs, I believe it comes down to finding the right person. However, a LOT of people in the medical community don't have a very complete understanding of addiction. If you are perched on the brink it would behoove you to find someone who does understand the nature of what you may be facing.
Seeking help and raising awareness doesn't mean you have to do anything, but you sound like a bright young person, so finding someone to help clarify everything that is going on could be really important at this point.
A good therapeutic relationship is a collaboration, and at times it can mean being pushed. Building the relationship is usually important at the outset, and there are times when you have to trust the process. Sometimes we can't see our own habits and behaviors as clearly as we might think we do.
Fascination with altering our reality by introducing external substances could be the beginning of the long road to addiction. I think you are wise to see where you could be headed. Suffering a loss like you have just experienced can often tip us into a more precarious state. I would encourage you to do some research and find a therapist who understands addiction. I have worked with psychiatrists, psychologists and CSWs, I believe it comes down to finding the right person. However, a LOT of people in the medical community don't have a very complete understanding of addiction. If you are perched on the brink it would behoove you to find someone who does understand the nature of what you may be facing.
Seeking help and raising awareness doesn't mean you have to do anything, but you sound like a bright young person, so finding someone to help clarify everything that is going on could be really important at this point.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
I would recommend that you consult a doctor who is well trained and experienced in addictions. From the sound of it you seem intent on believing that you cannot sleep without the help of some medication. I sense this because I'm the same way. Have been for years. Many years ago I was using alcohol. Haven't done that for 25 years. But I do rely on prescription medications from time to time when family or personal matters upset me. I don't believe that I have ever become addicted to these prescriptions because I have taken them in small amounts and the doctor has controlled my refills as to quantity and frequency. I work with my doctor on this and believe I'm O.K. But I still worry about sleeping. This makes me believe that I don't have a physical dependency. I have a psychological dependency, stemming from my alcoholic addiction many years ago. If you want to deal with that you might consider some kind of psychological counseling. A psychiatrist could help with prescriptions or a psychologist might do that by cooperating with your general practitioner. Sounds like it's not that you can't sleep. It's that your brain is telling you that you can't sleep. You can but you think you can't and so you don't.
W.
W.
Simply Grateful
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 211
Sleep is what started me down the path of alcohol abuse. I lost my job and couldn't sleep... started drinking to sleep. I think therapy is a good idea. I see a therapist who specializes in addictions and wow I've learned so much about myself. My personal experience has been that it has helped me immensely.
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