Struggling
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: dayton,ohio
Posts: 5
Struggling
Im 50 days clean today im struggling with anger resentments how to let it go how to forgive the main incident im talking about is my fiancé cheated on me and accidently answered phone I heard then lied said didn't have sex with her so I lashed out destroyed some of his property and left for day he finally admitted but didn't seem truly sorry and im beating myself up whats wrong with me am I not good enough why not a day goes by I don't hear her and think about it and get angry towards him I love him and want to know how to get through this in a healthy way if ANYBODY could help with suggestions or ANYTHING would be sooo greatly appericated...
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,466
If he cheated on you and he doesn't seem sorry, I'm not sure where you want to go with this. If you want to stay with him, do you think that's the best idea? Would you be able to trust him in the future? Are you thinking of leaving him?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
You can't blame yourself for what HE did.
HE was unfaithful.
HE mad a bad choice.
HE betrayed you.
You cannot change what he did. And you cannot control what he does in the future.
In my experience once trust is lost in a relationship it can't be gained back.
And if he lied & cheated on you then he clearly doesn't show you the respect you deserve.
I understand completely why you feel the way you do. And my words, and anyone else's words won't change the hurt you feel as a result of what he did or make you feel less insecure.
However you know on some level that this is not your fault. There is NO EXCUSE for cheating. If you're unhappy with a relationship, you can end it .That's what adults do.
He made a poor choice. He acted like a child. But you can't change that.
And drinking, using certainly isn't going to change that. Nor is that the road toward changing yourself for the better.
Ask yourself, why are you still with him? Are you holding onto what used to be, what you wish it was or just something familiar? I think those are the three reasons we stay in something that is only hurting us.
It hurts like hell to let go but once you do, you can heal. Sometimes you're better off throwing away the broken pieces of a glass mirror rather than hurting yourself trying to put it back together or however that quote goes.
Whatever you decide with him, I can promise you one thing. Drinking will solve nothing. It will only serve to make you feel ten times worse.
God Bless and best of luck to you. <3
HE was unfaithful.
HE mad a bad choice.
HE betrayed you.
You cannot change what he did. And you cannot control what he does in the future.
In my experience once trust is lost in a relationship it can't be gained back.
And if he lied & cheated on you then he clearly doesn't show you the respect you deserve.
I understand completely why you feel the way you do. And my words, and anyone else's words won't change the hurt you feel as a result of what he did or make you feel less insecure.
However you know on some level that this is not your fault. There is NO EXCUSE for cheating. If you're unhappy with a relationship, you can end it .That's what adults do.
He made a poor choice. He acted like a child. But you can't change that.
And drinking, using certainly isn't going to change that. Nor is that the road toward changing yourself for the better.
Ask yourself, why are you still with him? Are you holding onto what used to be, what you wish it was or just something familiar? I think those are the three reasons we stay in something that is only hurting us.
It hurts like hell to let go but once you do, you can heal. Sometimes you're better off throwing away the broken pieces of a glass mirror rather than hurting yourself trying to put it back together or however that quote goes.
Whatever you decide with him, I can promise you one thing. Drinking will solve nothing. It will only serve to make you feel ten times worse.
God Bless and best of luck to you. <3
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
If your breathing is like your writing you're about to hyperventilate. Take a long deep breath and hold it for three seconds. Breathe out. Again...deep into your stomach. Hold it. Breathe out. You're okay. Remind yourself of that. I'm okay. Relax...
This may sound corny, but it's my first step whenever I'm elevated, anxious, or stressed. I can't control everything or everyone, but I can control my breathing. Start there...
This may sound corny, but it's my first step whenever I'm elevated, anxious, or stressed. I can't control everything or everyone, but I can control my breathing. Start there...
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,756
Welcome to SR from a fellow Buckeye. 
I too would question why you are going to marry someone who cheated on you and lied about it. Isn't that starting off on the wrong foot? A good marriage is based on trust and love. Doesn't sound like there's much trust between you.
I too would question why you are going to marry someone who cheated on you and lied about it. Isn't that starting off on the wrong foot? A good marriage is based on trust and love. Doesn't sound like there's much trust between you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Virginia
Posts: 13
I can only say everyone makes mistakes, its how you handle the mistake that proves a persons worth. Resentment and anger make things almost as bad as drinking. Only you can decide if he is forgiveable or not. I am learning with each day sober that the anger I had from certain situations(1 similar to yours) could have turned out much different if alcohol and pride hadn't gotten in the way. Good luck and I will pray for you.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
