malcolmsloan

Changes I want to share/throw out there. I'm in month 4, and have felt, for the most part, really strong. I've had a few times where I've had to really work through some desires to drink, but I've came out fine. I got sober a few days before Thanksgiving and grinded my way through the holidays. I developed a good, new, routine that worked well. Now, a wrench--the coming of spring. The days are longer, an old host of seasonal associations with alcohol come marching in. I'm not going to drink, but I almost feel like I am back to square one for some reason, like I lost my winter comfort that I created. Time to get back to work. I guess this first year will be full of relearning and unlearning. I feel better equipped for this change, but I have to admit, I was not expecting it.

zerothehero

It's good that you're aware. I quit drinking the day after Christmas, but I have been having similar thoughts. Things are going well, but in the past spring and summer were big party seasons for me, and happen to coincide with a lot of grief in my life. I also had a pattern for many years that I would over-imbibe over the holidays and then do a cleanse in January. Some years it lasted until June, but with outdoor music festivals, my mom's death on the summer solstice, and sometimes a dull depression nagging at me that the weather is beautiful, why don't I feel better...well...I haven't had a sober summer for over twenty years.

I keep telling myself that I never really relapsed because I never planned to quit forever, but this last detox was horrific, and I'm committed to getting through this summer without a drink. So, Malcolm, we're in it together - in spirit... Stay strong.

Hevyn

I went through the same thing. Once I made it through a calendar year it got much easier. There are many hurdles to get over as all the 'firsts' pop up. My second holiday season was very different from my first - where I mostly white-knuckled it & was resentful.

I'm glad you want to talk about this - it's so important that we do. You're doing great.

zerothehero

I plan to do things differently this spring/summer. For one thing, and as much as I love camping music festivals, I don't think I'll be doing any this year, and if I do, I'll drive and plan to leave/not camp. One of the reasons I've long loved those festivals is you can party and not have to deal with the roads after the show. I have done a few days sober at camping festivals, but the atmosphere is just so drenched in alcohol (and often other drugs), I just don't know if I can trust myself more than a day or two. I'll still see live music, but no Wakarusa or anything like that. Just too much for me right now.

SoberLeigh

Ah, yes, warm Spring breezes; a cool glass of golden Chardonnay in hand. The feel of your feet in the sand; a beach chair in the surf, a cooler of margheritas. Why did I have to screw it up? But I have, thankfully, found that you can enjoy those things without the alcohol; not that I don't miss it; it's just no longer necessary.