weavr99flht

Hello. My wife is an alcoholic. She is also diagnosed with Bi-Polar II disorder (more functioning than Bi-Polar) as well as obsessive compulsive personality disorder. Her drinking pattern is strange. She is fine all day, accomplishes a lot of things around the house, errands, appointments, etc. Then at 3:30, daily, the bug hits her and she, in a trance like state, drives to the liquor store and buys a pint of cheap whiskey and two bottles of cheap wine. the alcohol is consumed by 4:30 (she guzzles it). Then I get home from work and deal with a beligerent drunk for the evening. She is two different people - when sober she is awesome and everyone loves her, when she is drunk not so much. Her mother said it best "when she is sober, I couldn't ask for a better daughter. When she is drunk, I don't even know her".

She says she wants helps so got a therapist who is highly recommended. Started an intensive outpatient program (IOP) daily (9am - noon) but still drank every afternoon. I took her to the emergency room last Thursday and she was admitted to the detox unit and stayed until Monday (the hospitals detox unit also doubles as mental health unit so she spent 4 days with Schizophrenics, and other types). Well, today is tuesday, she's been home less than 24 hours and she has a pint of whiskey in her - she says because she broke a cap on her tooth and the dentist told her she needs a $3000.00 implant. Which she will get. Why not, she has spent all the rest of my money on therapy, treatment and booze. Inpatient rehab will cost me thousands more.

I have attended thousands of al-anon meetings. So don't need the suggestion to go. I have attended many worthwhile meetings and will be going back again. But I just needed to share my story.

Thanks.
Thomas.

Raider

Wow. Sorry you're dealing with that Thomas. Prayers your way.

Hammer

First, Welcome.

Appears to be Borderline Traits around here this side of things. Long Term A's and Addicts and various Mental Illness just go together like Peanut Butter and Jelly.

But tell me . . . because I would have to mess with this . . . did the switch to and from Daylight Savings Time shift the drinking start time for a day or two? Or is the Clockwork really ran by the clock? I would be sooooo tempted to shift the clocks in the house forward and/or backwards by an hour and see if drinking start time shifted or was on its own timer.

I know that one, too, my brother.

Only real question -- do you ever hear "Thank You?"


Well, vent away. Have probably now attended some thousand meetings, as well.

BUT.

Only recently started working the Program.

Do you know the difference?

Big One.

Hawkeye13

Hi Thomas and welcome;

What is your next step?

What do you feel might be good for you since the outpatient hasn't worked?

Coffeebreath

Welcome Thomas

Question: has your wife gone to AA? And does she have any female support?

I think spending time with women who have quality sober time might help (in addition to her professional therapy) especially at that particular hour when the obsession starts.

CodeJob

Thanks for posting and welcome to SR!

There are some mental health sections here. Seems odd to need dental work. Is she addicted to pills too by chance?

What role does mom play? She knows and does not sound in denial at least. Do you two have kids? I see your frustration in your post with her status not improving and the cost of therapy.

What are you doing for you that helps you?

Mango blast

Hi Thomas,

Welcome to SR. Here's a thread that has good advice on inpatient treatment and trying to decide whether to put money towards it. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-decision.html
I hadn't realized that Salvation Army was an option.

If you're paying for the dental work, go with her and get a second opinion/find out options.

KateL

Welcome Thomas xxx

Seren

Hello Thomas, and Welcome!

I'm really sorry for what brings you here. You have an advantage over many people who find SR in that you already attend Al-Anon and know more about alcoholism than most. None of us here have the right to tell you what to do, but this is a great resource for shared experience and strength.

Please make yourself at home.

Welcome, again! S

weavr99flht

Yes, she has gone to AA - she has burned thru several sponsors (they give up on her… I don't blame them).

weavr99flht

The dental work that I mentioned was her excuse for the day - she had lost a cap yesterday morning and the dentist told her she needs a lot of work - so that was her excuse for drinking less than 24 hours after her stay in Detox.

m1k3

Weavr, welcome to SR. I know what you are going through. Been there, done that, bought the Tshirt.

I'm going to ask the question again that codejob posted. What are you doing for you?

I found that my life got better when I took the focus off of my AW and put it on me. I quit being responsible for her and started taking control of my life and my decisions.

I'm sure you heard this before but it is worth repeating.

I didn't cause it.
I can't control it.
I can't cure it.

Keep coming back and keep posting. There is a lot of wisdom to be found in this forum.

Your friend,

hopeful4

Why is it that Bipolar and alcoholism go hand in hand for so many? I had it in my head that Bipolar II means rapid cycle? Am I incorrect in that?

Anyways, it does not really matter. We recently discussed this in another post. One with a mental illness, be it Bipolar or whatever, does not have to be a hot mess. What they do have to do is be very aware of their own disease, take prescribed medications on time every time, and have no substance abuse. Until those things happen, she will never be well. She is putting her own disease on everyone else to deal with.

NO is a complete sentence. I am so sorry for what brings you here. Dealing with an addict is difficult. Dealing with an addict with Bipolar has to be off the charts stressful.

Keep posting, we are here for you.

God Bless.

ladyscribbler

she has spent all the rest of my money on therapy, treatment and booze. Inpatient rehab will cost me thousands more.

Sounds like you're going through a lot. Mental illness+substance abuse is really tough to live with.
Have you thought about what might happen if you stopped footing the bill for her booze? Medical/dental expenses are a legit use of family resources. Booze for an alcoholic- not so much. You have a right to make a boundary.

redatlanta

I think mental illness in general goes hand in hand with drugs and alcohol - they self medicate. BP II does include rapid cycling but everyone is different. Its not always as rapid as you would think and sometimes it is.

My RAH is also BP II and OCD and ADHD. He was misdiagnosed with for 10 years with depression. Now he is pretty normal. Even the OCD is nothing like it used to be though its still there.

The most basic question here would be is her BP medicated properly and is her Psyche aware of her alcoholism?

Sorry you are going through this it is very difficult

weavr99flht

The BP II is a recent diagnose with her recent stay in Detox. The OCD has been obvious for a while - it manifest itself with "counting and stacking" where she has to have a pocket full of pieces of gum or cough drops that she can "play with" and count and look at though out the day to calm her - since it was calming her, I left it alone. While at detox, she hooked up with a psychiatrist who administered a BP test and she scored 24 out of 25. BP II is also a highly functioning form of BP - the manic episodes are often "productive" so goes mis diagnosed. Like you said, she was diagnosed as simply "depressed" for many years. At the detox, she had a EEG and Doc said some abnormalities were seen caused by a head trauma years ago and saw signs of high-risk of seizure. She was also abused as a child so you got that too. She is scheduled for an MRI next week to rule out anything else since her behavior has changed quickly in last 6 months - 1 year timeframe…. want to see if there is a tumor(s) causing pressure. Thankfully, new meds are prescribed and she filled those today. so maybe on the road to recovery….

to answer other's questions …. regarding $ for booze - I don't buy her booze, she is unemployed, so I deposit $ in an account for her to put gas in her car, personal items, etc. - I stopped the joint account a long time ago.

As far as what am I doing for myself, I've sort of lost who I am in recent months but will find him again…. sounds sad typing it but I have no "life" of my own right now. Taking care of my drunk wife and my friends and acquaintances have moved on so to speak.
WEnt to a wedding in August of a really close friend - I was in the wedding so had to do the wedding party stuff between ceremony and reception. by the time reception started she was falling down and I stayed long enough for pictures then we left. heart breaking when the groom who has been a friend for so many years has to call me aside and say "can you take your drunk wife and leave… thank you".

Anyway, I've been browsing the forum for a while and wanted to share my story. thanks.

weavr99flht

Thanks for the thread, hadn't seen that one before.

redatlanta

I am sorry to hear she has been through so much in life. It is not uncommon to find BP with head injuries - there is some current thinking that it is a form of epilepsy. The newer drugs administered are epilepsy meds - my husband takes a mix of seroquel and lamictal. I saw some immediate changes but I would say it took about 6 months and some adjustments in mg to get him leveled out.

There is no test for Bi polar. There are indications of it - the only proof of it is that the medication works. I feel a small red flag in that she was submitted a "test' to determine that diagnosis. I am not saying she isn't (of course I have no idea) - it may behoove you to find a psychiatrist that specializes in BP. She will need to see one monthly anyway to monitor her meds until they get it right.

weavr99flht

What I meant was, he administered a question/answer test (not a blood test or anything like that). she scored 24 out of 25. different #'s falls into different categories that show "indication" of BP likeliness.

chrissy81

Thank you for sharing and I'm so very sorry for what you have to go through. Your wife sounds like my mom - while she does not have any specifically diagnosed mental illness, I'm very certain that there are a couple of issues that contribute to her drinking, which only began about ten years ago. She follows a similar pattern - is fine and productive until around 3ish, or the 'witching hour' as my sister and I refer to it, and that's when we get weird emails that have one too many typographical errors in them (and my mother is normally not the type to make those errors), or strange posts appear on Facebook, etc - my sister is the super-lucky one who actually gets strings of nasty, hateful, unprovoked emails from her. Apparently, my mother doesn't love me enough to take out her issues on me, so I guess I'm thankful. And then we find out later that when my father comes home, she is in fact drunk. We're adults and so we do not live anywhere near to my parents but when my mother comes to visit and stays with my sister (she owns her own house, I do not), it is the same thing - sister goes to work, leaves mom alone who does chores and then sister comes home to find her drunk (from wine she most likely had to purchase by walking to the nearest convenience store, since when she visits, she takes the train and we have to chauffeur her around). It's not the "typical" alcoholic presentation; she doesn't need a drink in the morning and doesn't drink consistently throughout the day. But clearly, it's still abuse and still a problem. I feel so terribly for my dad - my parents are in their 60s and have been married for 37 years. This is not what my dad signed up for.

I'm sorry I don't have anything helpful to say except thank you for sharing.