Slightly OT - "Strictly Soulmates"
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Slightly OT - "Strictly Soulmates"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVSlbS5gn00
It's a four-part series. I'm interested in hearing your thoughts.
It's a four-part series. I'm interested in hearing your thoughts.
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I am interested in how codependency is manifested across other cultures different from my own, in this case, the parents who are arranging these marriages, is that not codependent? And what if the parents are alcoholics, what kind of spouse would they find for their child?
Not to mention being in an arranged marriage with an alcoholic...
FYI and BTW I'm not in an arranged marriage (LOL); I like to think about many things.
Thanks for letting me share.
Not to mention being in an arranged marriage with an alcoholic...
FYI and BTW I'm not in an arranged marriage (LOL); I like to think about many things.
Thanks for letting me share.
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Originally Posted by Stung 
Ditto what Dandy said. I was researching Judaism and its a well known myth that Jews don't become alcoholics. It's a myth because obviously some Jews do become alcoholics.
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It would be pretty difficult to be an active alcoholic if one were never exposed to alcohol, wouldn't it? These religions that are conservative enough to do arranged marriages are very tight and religious rules are strictly observed and enforced.
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Originally Posted by choublak
The genetic component of alcoholism traditionally has been less prevalent among Jews and other Mediterranean cultures. However, that's not the case so much anymore...in fact, there was a high school girl at a few of the al-anon meetings I went to who was Jewish...I imagine her alcoholic mother was Jewish as well...
Perhaps the close-knit societal pressures in the community to "protect their own" in the Jewish community were "traditionally" able to stifle most cases of alcoholism before it became public knowledge.
Perhaps the more open attitude for alcohol consumption in Mediterranean cultures put a damper on the perception that alcoholism was a problem.
I understand genetics has some correlation with a person's chances to become an alcoholic...however, modern viewpoints and diagnosis methodology for alcoholism is much more "eyes wide open" in modern times than it was previously.
A father that drank to "let off steam" and then passed out on the couch every night without any interactions with his family a century ago would not be considered anything out of the ordinary, but today we'd understand that father is an alcoholic that is neglecting his parental/spousal duties and physically harming himself as well.
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Originally Posted by dandylion
It would be pretty difficult to be an active alcoholic if one were never exposed to alcohol, wouldn't it?
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It's not that they aren't exposed to it at all, but they aren't raised in homes or in communities where it's acceptable to use alcohol aside from special occasions. Jews get drunk on Purim and during bar and bat mitzvahs but they aren't raised with regular social drinking in their communities.
However, all of the reasons for alcoholism are open for debate since there is no one surefire cause for addiction. I personally do think alcoholism is a learned coping mechanism that is learned from friends or family, therefore I think someone who is Jewish or Mormon or Muslim and follows strictly within the beliefs of their faith, that they are much less likely to become an addict of any kind. I don't think genes really have much to do with it, but that's just my opinion which pretty much means diddly squat. My husband and I used to joke that Catholicism was pretty great because everyone drinks wine during mass. Not so funny anymore.
However, all of the reasons for alcoholism are open for debate since there is no one surefire cause for addiction. I personally do think alcoholism is a learned coping mechanism that is learned from friends or family, therefore I think someone who is Jewish or Mormon or Muslim and follows strictly within the beliefs of their faith, that they are much less likely to become an addict of any kind. I don't think genes really have much to do with it, but that's just my opinion which pretty much means diddly squat. My husband and I used to joke that Catholicism was pretty great because everyone drinks wine during mass. Not so funny anymore.
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So here's what came to my mind -- it's not criticism, so take what if anything you can use and leave the rest:
One of my coping mechanisms is to engage my rational mind. I'm excellent in a crisis because I can completely shut off my emotions and do what needs to get done -- as well as boss other people around and tell them what needs to get done.
But sometimes, that skill is less useful. In recovery and in therapy, I have to deliberately shut down my rational mind because that's where I go, that's a safe place for me, that's a place where I don't need to approach all those messy ugly feelings that force me to feel stuff.
The question you raised -- what does codependency look like in other cultures? -- is one that I would totally get snowed in on and research and theorize the hell out of. It's fascinating.
But -- I would be doing it instead of dealing with my own codependency. Because my own codependency includes dealing with feelings and feelings are yucky.
So -- I'm not saying that's what YOU are doing, but I'm saying that's what I could see myself doing. FWIW.
One of my coping mechanisms is to engage my rational mind. I'm excellent in a crisis because I can completely shut off my emotions and do what needs to get done -- as well as boss other people around and tell them what needs to get done.
But sometimes, that skill is less useful. In recovery and in therapy, I have to deliberately shut down my rational mind because that's where I go, that's a safe place for me, that's a place where I don't need to approach all those messy ugly feelings that force me to feel stuff.
The question you raised -- what does codependency look like in other cultures? -- is one that I would totally get snowed in on and research and theorize the hell out of. It's fascinating.
But -- I would be doing it instead of dealing with my own codependency. Because my own codependency includes dealing with feelings and feelings are yucky.
So -- I'm not saying that's what YOU are doing, but I'm saying that's what I could see myself doing. FWIW.
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