mimi2014

On day 20. There are good days and bad days. But today it feels like i'm going to blow up. So much... I don't know how to describe it..anger?.? I almost had myself talked into just one beer (ha ha) last night. So I prayed. Today when the anger hit I went for a mile walk. Since I just had surgery, I'm not supposed to do any exercise. So now I'm praying and talking to all of you. I have a new sponsor and she seems like a great fit, crossing my fingers, we started the book again this weekend.

Aarryckha

Congrats on 20 days!

Even a bigger congrats for not picking up that beer! Is it possible your anger is coming from the fact you knew you couldn't have that beer? When I had given a half-hearted effort to getting sober before, I would get angry when I would go out with friends and they would drink and I didn't.

courage2

Mimi, great job on 20 days!

Wanting to explode sounds about right for some days. Walking is a great tool to burn bad thinking/anger away. So is prayer and meditation. Eating helps -- are you avoiding hunger? And try to talk every day to another alcoholic. Some days you just have to get under the covers, plug into music and SR, and wait for the day to end. You're recovering -- it takes time.

I hope you're also recovering well from your surgery!

Aarryckha

Oh, and if you're supposed to be taking it easy after surgery, take it easy. Let your body heal.

mimi2014

TY for the encouragement very much! I think the some of the anger stems from not being able to drink. I am in it for the long haul though. I can never drink again. I will end up dead or in jail and that is not an option. Just pisses me off how everyone else can go about their day like nothing is wrong. (selfishness)

courage2

I get it! I'm trying not to spend a ton of time trying to figure out my negative feelings. I acknowledge them -- yeah, I'm annoyed by X -- but unless it's truly important and something I can do something about now, I try to set it aside. Dwelling on negatives has gotten me down a path back to drinking before. Especially in early recovery, I say just swat away those bad thoughts and focus on moving forward, alcohol-free, one hour at a time.

If you're in proximity to things that make you angry (like beer you can't have is in the house), I'd try to remove the triggers. People, places & things.

Aarryckha

This. I can understand that. I feel like everyone else I know has an unfair advantage (not sure if that's the right word) because their days aren't consumed from thinking about liquor. I'm right there with you in the long haul!

least

Congrats on twenty days sober! Here's to many more sober days.

Ruby2

Congrats on 20 days! You struck a chord. I get so extremely angry sometimes that I scare myself. I think that the suggestion that it is displaced anger at not being able to drink is part of it but not all, for me anyway. I think you did a great job walking it off and super by not drinking.

I'm starting to learn that I am a very angry person and drinking helped me numb that. I have flashes of extreme rage at times, especially when I am frustrated with something I can't fix, manage or control. It is a beast and I'm grateful I haven't yet done anything super stupid or rash. I usually put myself in time out, take a few deep breaths and call or text someone from AA. Or try to make myself see the ridiculousness of it and make myself smile. If I put a smile on my face even if I really don't want to, it helps a lot. It seems to release endorphins. Great job!

mimi2014

Thanks Ruby! Good job on finding other things to do when your anger gets at you. Alcohol always gave me a reason to act on those urges and I did some awful things. Now that I'm sober, it's awkward not knowing how to deal with it. Part of the growth, but I'm in. Gotta stop running from it sometime.

mimi2014

TY least! I can't believe it's 20 days... God willing... I'm going to make it to 30.
Aarry... we'll be really close in birthdays next year. Let's do it! And Courage - thank you for understanding. This board has been such a blessing to me.

Dee74

Hi Mimi

I think anger is pretty common - we all tend to avoid emotions for so long with drinking...it can be quite intense when we start to feel again.

If exercise is out for you, a good video game can help me release some anger and frustration

D

mimi2014

Dee that sounds like a great idea! I'm try it. At least until I can run again. 9 days till I can do that.