Relapsed... back again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 608
Relapsed... back again
Hi everyone,
So, I had quit for a couple of months and then started to drink again.. nothing really crazy happened but I feel like I have to give it another try. I drank too much on the weekend and yesterday and today I was dealing with some depression.. as often was the case when I had a bit of a binge drink-fest the night before. I am not interested in going to AA meetings, as I live in a small town and I have a public job so it would have negative consequences on my employment, so I am using SR as a full support system I suppose. I live with my fiance who really never drinks, so being around it often isn't a problem... I know I can quit because I have done it in the past, even though it's only been for a short time (couple of months).
Anyway, I hope it works this time. I'm sick of drinking alcohol.
So, I had quit for a couple of months and then started to drink again.. nothing really crazy happened but I feel like I have to give it another try. I drank too much on the weekend and yesterday and today I was dealing with some depression.. as often was the case when I had a bit of a binge drink-fest the night before. I am not interested in going to AA meetings, as I live in a small town and I have a public job so it would have negative consequences on my employment, so I am using SR as a full support system I suppose. I live with my fiance who really never drinks, so being around it often isn't a problem... I know I can quit because I have done it in the past, even though it's only been for a short time (couple of months).
Anyway, I hope it works this time. I'm sick of drinking alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
It's good you made it back. "Anyway, I hope it works this time. I'm sick of drinking alcohol."
For me and many others I needed to accept the fact that I cannot drink in safety and that the first drink gets us drunk. Many years ago I was lucky and picked a program that until today works for me and millions. This site is a great supplement also. The big thing is most will work IF we work it and stick with it on a daily basis. Unfortunately many after obtaining some sobriety start doing it their way and choose a easier mode and after awhile slip into drinking again. The thing I needed to hear often was KEEP COMING."
BE WELL
For me and many others I needed to accept the fact that I cannot drink in safety and that the first drink gets us drunk. Many years ago I was lucky and picked a program that until today works for me and millions. This site is a great supplement also. The big thing is most will work IF we work it and stick with it on a daily basis. Unfortunately many after obtaining some sobriety start doing it their way and choose a easier mode and after awhile slip into drinking again. The thing I needed to hear often was KEEP COMING."
BE WELL
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 608
Thanks for your response, IOAA2. I don't know why I slipped up. It's disheartening, honestly. I guess I just have to quit and stay quit, one day at a time and all that. I will probably re-read a bunch of the books I bought on alcoholism, that seemed to work the last time. For a while, anyway.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Many people wonder why also and the simple answer is we are alcoholics and it's natural for us to drink. I found I was too undisciplined for too long and needed to change as most of us do and it's not always easy.
BE WELL
BE WELL
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by ClearMind 
I will probably re-read a bunch of the books I bought on alcoholism, that seemed to work the last time. For a while, anyway.
Sobriety doesn't just happen. It's hard work, and whatever plan you make you need to follow it closely. Many times you have to change it mid-stream as well as your life changes around you.
You also mention in your first post that you "suppose" you will use SR and that AA is "not for you". Certainly AA is not for everyone, and the same could be said for other programs as well. But what is common for all of us is that we must work hard at our sobriety otherwise we don't keep it. I hope you can find a plan that works for you.
SeaScape
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: California
Posts: 313
Hi
Glad your back.
It's a DAILY job for me. I am new and still getting a plan and checking out options but I immediately got the one day at a time concept. I have to stay diligent every day. I do hope it becomes more natural and I believe it will.
Glad your back.
It's a DAILY job for me. I am new and still getting a plan and checking out options but I immediately got the one day at a time concept. I have to stay diligent every day. I do hope it becomes more natural and I believe it will.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
seems to me that your fear of being "publicly" known as a non-drinker or even someone who has had a problem with alcohol and chosen to do something about it because of your 'public role' may be a big challenge to overcome.
Recovery in isolation is tough.
And while you're "not interested" in AA it's something that could well help you make change... seems like that may mean you're not yet to the point you're willing to do whatever it takes.
Is there another town not too far away where you could go and give it a shot?
In any case, I wish you well - but like another poster pointed out, if you don't do anything different... what's going to be different?
Recovery in isolation is tough.
And while you're "not interested" in AA it's something that could well help you make change... seems like that may mean you're not yet to the point you're willing to do whatever it takes.
Is there another town not too far away where you could go and give it a shot?
In any case, I wish you well - but like another poster pointed out, if you don't do anything different... what's going to be different?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Welcome back!
Try to not be too hard on yourself, but instead to learn from this.
As Scott said, sobriety doesn't just happen, and it isn't just about not drinking. For me, I had to change my thinking about myself and the world around me. I had to practice gratitude and make lifestyle changes. We're here to support you.
Try to not be too hard on yourself, but instead to learn from this.
As Scott said, sobriety doesn't just happen, and it isn't just about not drinking. For me, I had to change my thinking about myself and the world around me. I had to practice gratitude and make lifestyle changes. We're here to support you.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
I'm not a 12-stepper, but I've been to 100+ AA meetings. None of them ever exposed me to the potential for public scrutiny like this behavior:
Best of Luck on Your Journey.
Originally Posted by ClearMind
Countless times I have started off drinking alone at home, promising myself that I would not do anything stupid when I’m on my 10th beer and beyond. Of course, that promise always gets broken. There were so many times I have started drinking alone, then decided to go to a sleazy bar. There, I would lose all inhibitions and fear, and would not think at all about my girlfriend and family. I would chat up the nearest woman, no matter what she looked like, and try to pick her up. Nobody was out of bounds. Then, naturally, I would go home with her, and try to have unprotected sex. Of course, I couldn’t operate it so thankfully nothing more materialized, but this happened many times. I would make a fool of myself at the bar and be too embarrassed to show my face there until the next time I got hammered.
One time I started out at this sleazy bar, but there wasn’t much going on. I was hammered, and I got back in my car and drove to a strip club. While at the strip club, I started trying to pick up strippers, all the while drinking hard liquor. I found one that wanted to get a drive home with me, then I drove back to a house and we picked up some crack. She smoked crack, and I narrowly avoided smoking some myself (I would have, but she gave me a crumpled up bit of tinfoil that she told me contained crack, but it didn’t. I would have smoked it if there was any there). The next morning, I was awaken by a phone call from my credit card company telling me that my credit card was stolen (my whole wallet was stolen). I had $500 racked up and had to cancel my credit card right away. Of course, I was about an hour late for work, so I had to quickly call off work and then go get my life straightened away the best I could. This is just another typical night.
There have been so many other nights that I would do inappropriate things. I would begin by getting trashed at home, either by drinking countless beer and / or countless shots of hard liquor. It never mattered what I drank. I would go out and do something, usually drive and risk killing myself and other people or risk getting arrested and thrown in jail and having my life derailed by having a DUI conviction. I would drink myself to oblivion and then wake up, usually in my own urine, on the floor or in my bed, with 16 missed phone calls accompanied by text messages from my fiancé telling me off, calling me a pathetic drunk liar, and promising me that we are done and that I will never see my daughter again. There is no worse feeling. I would try to call her, usually she wouldn’t answer. I’d try to make up some lie about what I was doing the night before, to try and cover my tracks. It was truly pathetic. I would have outgoing text messages to some other women, promising things and propositioning them for extremely inappropriate things. I cheated so many times, often texting the next day and asking what happened. I almost got caught texting so many times, which would have resulted in the loss of my family and having my daughter’s life forever changed as a result of her parents splitting up.
One time I started out at this sleazy bar, but there wasn’t much going on. I was hammered, and I got back in my car and drove to a strip club. While at the strip club, I started trying to pick up strippers, all the while drinking hard liquor. I found one that wanted to get a drive home with me, then I drove back to a house and we picked up some crack. She smoked crack, and I narrowly avoided smoking some myself (I would have, but she gave me a crumpled up bit of tinfoil that she told me contained crack, but it didn’t. I would have smoked it if there was any there). The next morning, I was awaken by a phone call from my credit card company telling me that my credit card was stolen (my whole wallet was stolen). I had $500 racked up and had to cancel my credit card right away. Of course, I was about an hour late for work, so I had to quickly call off work and then go get my life straightened away the best I could. This is just another typical night.
There have been so many other nights that I would do inappropriate things. I would begin by getting trashed at home, either by drinking countless beer and / or countless shots of hard liquor. It never mattered what I drank. I would go out and do something, usually drive and risk killing myself and other people or risk getting arrested and thrown in jail and having my life derailed by having a DUI conviction. I would drink myself to oblivion and then wake up, usually in my own urine, on the floor or in my bed, with 16 missed phone calls accompanied by text messages from my fiancé telling me off, calling me a pathetic drunk liar, and promising me that we are done and that I will never see my daughter again. There is no worse feeling. I would try to call her, usually she wouldn’t answer. I’d try to make up some lie about what I was doing the night before, to try and cover my tracks. It was truly pathetic. I would have outgoing text messages to some other women, promising things and propositioning them for extremely inappropriate things. I cheated so many times, often texting the next day and asking what happened. I almost got caught texting so many times, which would have resulted in the loss of my family and having my daughter’s life forever changed as a result of her parents splitting up.
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