Diary Of Recovery (Early Days!)
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 437
Diary Of Recovery (Early Days!)
Hi everyone. I thought I would share my experiences over the last 11 days or so and maybe they would be similar to yours. Please note these are just my experiences and how I tried to cope.
Day 1 to about 3: Felt like a million dollars – green, grey and wrinkled.
Symptoms:
Dry heaving: (easily the worst symptom. Talking on the big white telephone but there’s no one there). Disappeared after about day 3. 6-pack looking good!
The shakes: (I was scared of this one the most). Greatly reduced after about day 3. Almost completely gone by about day 6. I can write my name now and people can actually read it! Had an idea to write my name every day and see the improvement. If you compare those 10 scribbles the progress amazes me. I think that’s one of the things I needed to do: Surprised myself by the progress in even little things during initial recovery. I think I’m going to frame it and put it up in my study, above my desk where I work after hours (and used to do most of my drinking).
Lack of appetite: Appetite came back with a vengeance after about day 7. Now the fridge trembles whenever I enter the kitchen.
Anxiety: Was scary at first, just arbitrarily coming in out of the blue. It’s now greatly reduced but still lurking with the odd cr@p-myself moments, but massively diminished. Particularly jumpy with unexpected loud noises.
Days 4 / 5 seemed to be the real turning point for me. At day 10 most visible / physical issues had gone. Don’t know about the internal and psychological stuff though.
This is what I did to get through: Please note this is NOT medical advice, it’s just what helped me and how I coped (and please, I’m not punting any supplier / trade name):
Drank gallons of water. Goodness knows what my water account will be but it was worth it.
Took lots of vitamins, particularly B12. Still taking it.
Took mineral and vitamin effervescent tablets like Supradyne or Boracca (Trade names here, there must be equivalents overseas). Still taking them. Dissolved them first, they taste yukkie without water.
Munched small bits of fruit (it was all I could look at early on). Took Ensure or Complan (a trade name here for drinks that are supposed to support people that can’t eat properly – a kind-of “grown-up’s” baby formula).
Exercise. The dogs haven’t had so many short walks - ever. Just 15 minutes or so at a shot. Did it about every 3 hours. Going to start running in a week or two.
My old friend insomnia has been with me throughout. Generally get about 3 / 4 hours sleep a night. Very restless. But I’ve had it for about the last 15 years or so, so it’s an old “mate” of mine. Began long before I started drinking. A few weeks ago my doctor gave me some real “industrial strength” sleeping tablets. They worked for a few nights but now they’ve become ineffective. Like the equivalent of eating a stone. I need to see her again for some other options but that’s not top of my list. Staying sober is.
And lastly (but not least):
Prayer. (requests and thanks)
SR support. (fantastic, don’t try it without it! Even if you just read other people’s experiences).
Family / loved one’s support.
AA Steps (number 1).
A couple of other things that I want to mention that I haven’t seen anywhere else but I thought were really helpful:
I am petrified of getting complacent and stepping into the “just one drink” trap. Once I start I know I would drink Joburg dry in a week or so, On Day 1 when I was curled up and moaning like a drunk (which I am) my wife took a cell-phone video clip of me, about 20 seconds.
Every now and again I watch that clip and it sends shivers down my spine. Was I really like that….? YES I WAS. THAT WAS ME! No way am I going back. Have developed a coping mechanism and am applying it and it is working so far. I think a lot of my drinking was related to habit out of boredom or for “inspiration” in my work which ended up gibberish when I tried to decipher it later. I always drank on my own.
Also what I did was to get a “Recovery Song”, something which I could play and get comfort from and remind me of where and who I am. A kindof personal anthem. Something light, breezy that meant something to me only. (Don’t try Rachmaninov for goodness sake!).
The song I chose was Shawn Mullins “Lullaby”, I pinched it off YouTube and play it frequently, in the car, in the mall, walking the dogs, everywhere. It just seems to help – my recovery song:
"Now, she feels safe
In this bar on Fairfax
And from the stage I can tell that
She can't let go and she can't relax
And just before
She hangs her head to cry
I sing to her a lullaby, I sing
Everything's gonna be all right
Rockabye, rockabye
Everything's gonna be all right
Rockabye, rockabye
Rockabye".
Sorry for the long post. I hope my experience has helped? Keep it up guys, if I can do it, anyone can.
B.
Day 1 to about 3: Felt like a million dollars – green, grey and wrinkled.
Symptoms:
Dry heaving: (easily the worst symptom. Talking on the big white telephone but there’s no one there). Disappeared after about day 3. 6-pack looking good!
The shakes: (I was scared of this one the most). Greatly reduced after about day 3. Almost completely gone by about day 6. I can write my name now and people can actually read it! Had an idea to write my name every day and see the improvement. If you compare those 10 scribbles the progress amazes me. I think that’s one of the things I needed to do: Surprised myself by the progress in even little things during initial recovery. I think I’m going to frame it and put it up in my study, above my desk where I work after hours (and used to do most of my drinking).
Lack of appetite: Appetite came back with a vengeance after about day 7. Now the fridge trembles whenever I enter the kitchen.
Anxiety: Was scary at first, just arbitrarily coming in out of the blue. It’s now greatly reduced but still lurking with the odd cr@p-myself moments, but massively diminished. Particularly jumpy with unexpected loud noises.
Days 4 / 5 seemed to be the real turning point for me. At day 10 most visible / physical issues had gone. Don’t know about the internal and psychological stuff though.
This is what I did to get through: Please note this is NOT medical advice, it’s just what helped me and how I coped (and please, I’m not punting any supplier / trade name):
Drank gallons of water. Goodness knows what my water account will be but it was worth it.
Took lots of vitamins, particularly B12. Still taking it.
Took mineral and vitamin effervescent tablets like Supradyne or Boracca (Trade names here, there must be equivalents overseas). Still taking them. Dissolved them first, they taste yukkie without water.
Munched small bits of fruit (it was all I could look at early on). Took Ensure or Complan (a trade name here for drinks that are supposed to support people that can’t eat properly – a kind-of “grown-up’s” baby formula).
Exercise. The dogs haven’t had so many short walks - ever. Just 15 minutes or so at a shot. Did it about every 3 hours. Going to start running in a week or two.
My old friend insomnia has been with me throughout. Generally get about 3 / 4 hours sleep a night. Very restless. But I’ve had it for about the last 15 years or so, so it’s an old “mate” of mine. Began long before I started drinking. A few weeks ago my doctor gave me some real “industrial strength” sleeping tablets. They worked for a few nights but now they’ve become ineffective. Like the equivalent of eating a stone. I need to see her again for some other options but that’s not top of my list. Staying sober is.
And lastly (but not least):
Prayer. (requests and thanks)
SR support. (fantastic, don’t try it without it! Even if you just read other people’s experiences).
Family / loved one’s support.
AA Steps (number 1).
A couple of other things that I want to mention that I haven’t seen anywhere else but I thought were really helpful:
I am petrified of getting complacent and stepping into the “just one drink” trap. Once I start I know I would drink Joburg dry in a week or so, On Day 1 when I was curled up and moaning like a drunk (which I am) my wife took a cell-phone video clip of me, about 20 seconds.
Every now and again I watch that clip and it sends shivers down my spine. Was I really like that….? YES I WAS. THAT WAS ME! No way am I going back. Have developed a coping mechanism and am applying it and it is working so far. I think a lot of my drinking was related to habit out of boredom or for “inspiration” in my work which ended up gibberish when I tried to decipher it later. I always drank on my own.
Also what I did was to get a “Recovery Song”, something which I could play and get comfort from and remind me of where and who I am. A kindof personal anthem. Something light, breezy that meant something to me only. (Don’t try Rachmaninov for goodness sake!).
The song I chose was Shawn Mullins “Lullaby”, I pinched it off YouTube and play it frequently, in the car, in the mall, walking the dogs, everywhere. It just seems to help – my recovery song:
"Now, she feels safe
In this bar on Fairfax
And from the stage I can tell that
She can't let go and she can't relax
And just before
She hangs her head to cry
I sing to her a lullaby, I sing
Everything's gonna be all right
Rockabye, rockabye
Everything's gonna be all right
Rockabye, rockabye
Rockabye".
Sorry for the long post. I hope my experience has helped? Keep it up guys, if I can do it, anyone can.
B.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Welshman living in Cork, Ireland
Posts: 737
Thanks for that Bruce.
Loads of great advice. Particularly like the recovery song. Never heard that one before. You seem to be in a great positive place right now, don't let it slip.
Keep strong.
Loads of great advice. Particularly like the recovery song. Never heard that one before. You seem to be in a great positive place right now, don't let it slip.
Keep strong.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 437
Hello, Sparkos, and thanks to the other guys for the "thanks".
I'm feeling on top of the world at the moment. 12 days sober, no cravings, and it's getting better! I read a lot of posts where it was said that things will get better and I thought - yeah, pull the other leg. Hence my handwriting experiment. I was astounded by the improvement. I could see it for myself. It does get better. Wow!!
I'm very conscious of slipping somehow but after all that pain I put my wife through, the wasted time, the damage, the humiliations, the costs.......I'm ready to quit now. I can feel it. Before I wasn't.
Thank you again for taking the time to read my post and your positive comments, I do appreciate it.
I know it's very early days, but I'm here for keeps.
"Everything's gonna be all right"
B.
I'm feeling on top of the world at the moment. 12 days sober, no cravings, and it's getting better! I read a lot of posts where it was said that things will get better and I thought - yeah, pull the other leg. Hence my handwriting experiment. I was astounded by the improvement. I could see it for myself. It does get better. Wow!!
I'm very conscious of slipping somehow but after all that pain I put my wife through, the wasted time, the damage, the humiliations, the costs.......I'm ready to quit now. I can feel it. Before I wasn't.
Thank you again for taking the time to read my post and your positive comments, I do appreciate it.
I know it's very early days, but I'm here for keeps.
"Everything's gonna be all right"
B.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: London, United Kingdom
Posts: 273
Thanks from me too, Bruce. On Day 3 here and I need to know it will get better...reading early days diaries helps so much with that. Feel I've dodged a bullet with physical withdrawals which haven't been too bad so far, but anxiety, insomnia, mental fog and mind-blowing fatigue a different matter.
You're doing brilliantly, keep going - and keep posting! Can't wait to feel as on top of the detox bit as you do right now
You're doing brilliantly, keep going - and keep posting! Can't wait to feel as on top of the detox bit as you do right now
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 437
Hello Shoshie8,
Thanks for the encouraging reply, much appreciated
I really was very sceptical about the "it will improve" stuff. But it does, our bodies are the most fantastic machines in terms of getting better.
3 Days is great, well done! It will get better, I can vouch for that. Keeping occupied and keeping positive (IMHO) is vital. Luckily (?) I've just had physical symptoms and absolutely no craving at all. (Yet?).
Keep strong and focussed in your recovery, Shoshie, we're all here for each-other. Contact me, please, if you want any more details or more info. Keep a diary too, please.
All the best and let's keep in touch! We all need each-other.
Everything's gonna be all right....
B.
*not medical advice* I think the multivitamins really helped with clearing out the junk. Were rattling around inside me like peas on a drum-skin.
Thanks for the encouraging reply, much appreciated
I really was very sceptical about the "it will improve" stuff. But it does, our bodies are the most fantastic machines in terms of getting better.
3 Days is great, well done! It will get better, I can vouch for that. Keeping occupied and keeping positive (IMHO) is vital. Luckily (?) I've just had physical symptoms and absolutely no craving at all. (Yet?).
Keep strong and focussed in your recovery, Shoshie, we're all here for each-other. Contact me, please, if you want any more details or more info. Keep a diary too, please.
All the best and let's keep in touch! We all need each-other.
Everything's gonna be all right....
B.
*not medical advice* I think the multivitamins really helped with clearing out the junk. Were rattling around inside me like peas on a drum-skin.
Last edited by BruceSA; 03-10-2014 at 09:58 AM. Reason: Forgot something
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 437
Thanks Seahorse661, much appreciated.
I feel very committed and this is the time to quit. For me it seems a big part of it is a mind game, plotting the end of booze plan and protection strategies. You know when you're ready.
Strength with your recovery too.
So, VRYSTAAAT!!
B.
I feel very committed and this is the time to quit. For me it seems a big part of it is a mind game, plotting the end of booze plan and protection strategies. You know when you're ready.
Strength with your recovery too.
So, VRYSTAAAT!!
B.
Phoenix Rising Again
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 3,079
Great post, thank you! I love the idea of having a song!
I like the idea of keeping a diary by my brain is so foggy it's hard to string thoughts together and stay focused, which I hope is just a temporary side effect of getting the alcohol out of my system.
I like the idea of keeping a diary by my brain is so foggy it's hard to string thoughts together and stay focused, which I hope is just a temporary side effect of getting the alcohol out of my system.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: London, United Kingdom
Posts: 273
Originally Posted by BruceSA 
Hello Shoshie8, Thanks for the encouraging reply, much appreciated I really was very sceptical about the "it will improve" stuff. But it does, our bodies are the most fantastic machines in terms of getting better. 3 Days is great, well done! It will get better, I can vouch for that. Keeping occupied and keeping positive (IMHO) is vital. Luckily (?) I've just had physical symptoms and absolutely no craving at all. (Yet?). Keep strong and focussed in your recovery, Shoshie, we're all here for each-other. Contact me, please, if you want any more details or more info. Keep a diary too, please. All the best and let's keep in touch! We all need each-other. Everything's gonna be all right.... B.
Shoshie
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 437
Thanks Erratic.
We're all helping each-other here.
We all started at day one (sometimes more than once!).
Strength with your recovery.
You're not alone - you are never ever alone.
I've still got a loooong way to go but I'm mega-positive. Have faith in yourself and keep checking back here, even if it's just to read the posts.
You can do it, we all can do it!
Best wishes,
B.
We're all helping each-other here.
We all started at day one (sometimes more than once!).
Strength with your recovery.
You're not alone - you are never ever alone.
I've still got a loooong way to go but I'm mega-positive. Have faith in yourself and keep checking back here, even if it's just to read the posts.
You can do it, we all can do it!
Best wishes,
B.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 437
Hello, Aarryckha,
Thanks for the reply. Try a journal of sorts. It doesn't matter if you're feeling foggy. It would be a great motivator to read it in a few weeks time and you will be amazed at the clarity that starts to develop. For me the progress was like a "wow, I didn't believe this was possible". Trust in yourself. It will get better, I promise.
By the way, where does your name come from, please?
Strength and light and peace.
"Everything's gonna be all right."
B.
Thanks for the reply. Try a journal of sorts. It doesn't matter if you're feeling foggy. It would be a great motivator to read it in a few weeks time and you will be amazed at the clarity that starts to develop. For me the progress was like a "wow, I didn't believe this was possible". Trust in yourself. It will get better, I promise.
By the way, where does your name come from, please?
Strength and light and peace.
"Everything's gonna be all right."
B.
Phoenix Rising Again
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 3,079
Originally Posted by BruceSA
Hello, Aarryckha,
Thanks for the reply. Try a journal of sorts. It doesn't matter if you're feeling foggy. It would be a great motivator to read it in a few weeks time and you will be amazed at the clarity that starts to develop. For me the progress was like a "wow, I didn't believe this was possible". Trust in yourself. It will get better, I promise.
By the way, where does your name come from, please?
Strength and light and peace.
"Everything's gonna be all right."
B.
Thanks for the reply. Try a journal of sorts. It doesn't matter if you're feeling foggy. It would be a great motivator to read it in a few weeks time and you will be amazed at the clarity that starts to develop. For me the progress was like a "wow, I didn't believe this was possible". Trust in yourself. It will get better, I promise.
By the way, where does your name come from, please?
Strength and light and peace.
"Everything's gonna be all right."
B.
I can't really say where my name came from. /laughs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 437
Hi, Aarryckha,
The fogginess will pass, I am sure.
Don't be too hard on yourself. In this world of instant results, we may in certain circumstances expect our recoveries to follow a similar path. we all need different times and durations but he end state will be the same. Feeling better, stronger, clearer every day we keep away from that liquid.
It's just a matter of time, I promise.
Go and pick your song, or let it pick you. It's yours, your personal band singing just for you, whenever you need them.
Everything's gonna be all right.
B.
Strength and light to you my friend. Keep strong and the rewards will be beyond imagination, of that I am sure.
The fogginess will pass, I am sure.
Don't be too hard on yourself. In this world of instant results, we may in certain circumstances expect our recoveries to follow a similar path. we all need different times and durations but he end state will be the same. Feeling better, stronger, clearer every day we keep away from that liquid.
It's just a matter of time, I promise.
Go and pick your song, or let it pick you. It's yours, your personal band singing just for you, whenever you need them.
Everything's gonna be all right.
B.
Strength and light to you my friend. Keep strong and the rewards will be beyond imagination, of that I am sure.
Phoenix Rising Again
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 3,079
It's probably kind of cheesy, but "Right Now" by Van Halen. Some pretty powerful lyrics in my opinion.
VAN HALEN LYRICS - Right Now
VAN HALEN LYRICS - Right Now
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 437
Thank you least,
Support here is one of the key things that have kept me going.
Feeling stronger every day.
Keep strong, friends. If I can do it, anybody can.
Keep posting and keep growing. One thing at a time.
All the best,
B.
Support here is one of the key things that have kept me going.
Feeling stronger every day.
Keep strong, friends. If I can do it, anybody can.
Keep posting and keep growing. One thing at a time.
All the best,
B.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 437
Morning, Aarryckha,
How's the recovery going?
Whatever song works for you, it's only cheesy if you let it be. It's your song, it's your friend. I know the song pretty well and I think it's a fantastic choice. Yep, the lyrics are powerful and were ahead of their time.
Go for it, anything that makes you feel good (IMHO).
Keep going, "if we're in a hole, we need to stop digging".
"Everything's gonna be all right"
B.
How's the recovery going?
Whatever song works for you, it's only cheesy if you let it be. It's your song, it's your friend. I know the song pretty well and I think it's a fantastic choice. Yep, the lyrics are powerful and were ahead of their time.
Go for it, anything that makes you feel good (IMHO).
Keep going, "if we're in a hole, we need to stop digging".
"Everything's gonna be all right"
B.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 437
Morning Shoshie, how's it going?
Day 4 now?
Keep it going, you can do it. Keep busy and keep positive. Thanks for the kind feedback.
There's loads of caring folk here with massive experience and willing to help.
All the best,
"Everything's going to be all right"
Bruce.
Day 4 now?
Keep it going, you can do it. Keep busy and keep positive. Thanks for the kind feedback.
There's loads of caring folk here with massive experience and willing to help.
All the best,
"Everything's going to be all right"
Bruce.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: London, United Kingdom
Posts: 273
Originally Posted by BruceSA
Morning Shoshie, how's it going? Day 4 now? Keep it going, you can do it. Keep busy and keep positive. Thanks for the kind feedback. There's loads of caring folk here with massive experience and willing to help. All the best, "Everything's going to be all right" Bruce.
Yup, day 4. Slept relatively well for the first time since I can remember last night. Can't tell you what a difference that he made to me mentally and my energy levels today. I was catastrophising about never sleeping more than 2 hours straight again without alcohol which fed my anxiety, which kept me awake...then night 3 and out like a light. I'm sure I'll have interrupted sleep again, but at least I know it will pass.
And how's your day going, Bruce? Like it that we share a timezone
Shoshie
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