Mellybug

For those that haven't followed my story:
I moved out a week and a half ago to work on my own healing with the understanding between my ABF and I that it was temporary. We both agreed that we wanted to stay in the relationship and that we would work on ourselves while living separately. We'd continue to be in an exclusive relationship, have dates, etc. He's come to my place twice for a total of perhaps a half an hour. I spent the night last Thursday, only to find that he's drinking more than ever, and his irresponsibility has gotten worse.
His texts have gotten fewer and farther between.
I had told him that I really would like to see an effort on his part and he said, "I bet." It's only gotten worse.
After not hearing from him for over 30 hours he sent me a text about how much fun he had with his friends out of town. By then I had already given up...I told him that I'm tired of feeling like an afterthought to him (something I've said before) and haven't heard from him since.
I had hoped that it wouldn't come to this, but I half expected to. Maybe more than half.
I have been reading my literature, coming here and reading/responding to others, reading/responding to my other Al Anon site, and focusing on myself. I am starting the grieving process and am at peace with my decision. It hurts, but it's for the best. I'll get the last of my things from his place tomorrow on my lunch break while he's at work.
It's a process...it takes time...but it's the start of a new chapter for me. One free of the craziness and drama that being with an A brings.

CodeJob

Melly, knowing and acting on the right thing does not make it easy. I am sorry he could not get his sh-- together. Hugs!

Mellybug

It wasn't unexpected...and as such it isn't as big of a disappointment as I had thought it was going to be. I'm sad, sure. Another failed relationship. LOL

suki44883

You're going to be fine, Melly. (((HUGS)))

Brave

You know in your heart that you're better off without him. Stay strong!

milky

I bet it's really tough right now but you're going to look back on this and think "that was a turning point in my life when things started getting better".

Hawkeye13

Hi Melly;

Just checking in to see how you are.

I'm really glad you decided to take your foot out of the door

You will find the right one. I kissed quite a few frogs myself first. . .

Love yourself and the rest will come--

Mellybug

Thanks, Hawkeye...

I'm doing OK. Took his pictures down from my office today. It's kind of sad, but not as bad as it was last night, or this morning. Yes, I've removed my foot from the door and you know, it doesn't hurt as much when the door keeps trying to slam shut on it! I just let it shut!

HopefulinFLA

I know it hurts Mellybug, but it sounds like you've made the best decision possible. Better now than 10 years down the road with kids in tow.

Brindie

Melly ... been following you, and great you got your own place, and sorry he's still being that way. But you're two weeks (?) now into your own place, job, supportive mom (right?), friends, and a great deal of intelligence and insight. You can move on from this, day by day. I'm eight weeks in my new place now - so a few weeks ahead of you - and it feels like a lovely calm haven from the crazy stuff back at home. No regrets at all. I can close the door and leave it all out there - in theory, that is. But I have to practise it too, and remind myself this is all about ME! AH is doing AA, I'm told. I don't want any contact with him - still find it makes me really anxious. It's easier this way for me. I'm trying to not let him take up so much 'head space' and it's getting better. I'm sure you'll find that too. I took a while to get into a routine - only started cooking dinner for myself 4 nights ago - but you know, I'm ok with taking it slowly. And so I wish it for you. Every day/week a little bridge is crossed - today 2! Found a good counsellor and took my wedding band off. Tick! Go you, take care of yourself and keep posting.