I need help with options for my father
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 2
I need help with options for my father
I am a 28 year old only child and only grandchild. My father has drank very heavily as long as I can remember but after he lost his job a few years ago he has dove directly into the bottle. His current girlfriend is also a heavy drinker and she lives there. The last time my father did not drink it lasted 2 days and ended up with him having a seizure from withdrawal. Thats the short story. He is showing all the signs of wet brain and refuses to seek any help. It is getting to the point where hes not eating much either. His parents, my grandparents, are loking for options to force him into the hospital/treatment. Does anyone have experience with this? We are lost and dont know what to do. He admits he has a drinking problem but refuses treatment of any kind and there is no way of talking to him about it. Please help if you can. Thanks!
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,865
Unfortunately, sammyjo, we cannot force an adult into recovery if they don't want it for themselves. I know it hurts watching a loved one slowly destroy themselves, but we cannot make them want recovery. We cannot love them into recovery, either. If that were possible, none of us would be here.
Have you considered attending al-anon meetings? They are for the families and loved ones of alcoholics. You'll find much face-to-face support there from people who are dealing with much the same thing.
Welcome to SR. I hope you'll read around the forum. There is much experience, strength and hope here. (((HUGS)))
Have you considered attending al-anon meetings? They are for the families and loved ones of alcoholics. You'll find much face-to-face support there from people who are dealing with much the same thing.
Welcome to SR. I hope you'll read around the forum. There is much experience, strength and hope here. (((HUGS)))
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
I'd like to second what suki said--there is simply no way to force him into recovery. Until and unless he decides he needs help, all you and your family can do is take care of yourselves.
I'd suggest doing as much reading as you can in the stickies section of the forum. This is a good place to begin: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html You might want to check the threads on detaching, setting boundaries and 10 ways to help the A. Hmm, maybe the "overcoming the need to fix" thread would be useful too...
Alanon is a GREAT idea for all of you, too. Here's a link to help you find a meeting: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ Alanon can provide a friendly ear and a lot of education about alcoholism as well as support in the real world.
Right now, I'd suggest you all do as much as you can to inform yourselves about alcoholism. It will help you understand why you can't force an A into recovery and why their thought process is not the same as a "normal" person's. It's not pretty, and it's not pleasant, but it IS the reality of the situation, and the more you know, the better you'll be able to deal w/things.
Wishing you strength and clarity!
I'd suggest doing as much reading as you can in the stickies section of the forum. This is a good place to begin: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html You might want to check the threads on detaching, setting boundaries and 10 ways to help the A. Hmm, maybe the "overcoming the need to fix" thread would be useful too...
Alanon is a GREAT idea for all of you, too. Here's a link to help you find a meeting: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ Alanon can provide a friendly ear and a lot of education about alcoholism as well as support in the real world.
Right now, I'd suggest you all do as much as you can to inform yourselves about alcoholism. It will help you understand why you can't force an A into recovery and why their thought process is not the same as a "normal" person's. It's not pretty, and it's not pleasant, but it IS the reality of the situation, and the more you know, the better you'll be able to deal w/things.
Wishing you strength and clarity!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
In some states you can go through the court system and have someone forced into recovery ... in Florida we have the Marchman Act and the Baker Act. Marchman is for substance abuse and Baker is Mental Illness. Both will have law enforcement take the subject into custody to be evaluated and the judge can order forced treatment. You would need to check with your own state laws or contact an attorney.
While the law may allow you to force your loved one into treatment all that is a geography and opportunity and the saying "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink" comes to mind.
When you force someone against their will into treatment you are taking up a bed from someone who may desperately want it and has a desire to recover. When you force someone into treatment they most often resent the ones who forced them there and are not in the right frame of mind to receive any of the message or tools for recovery.
The percentages of those who remain in recovery is very low even for voluntary admissions the success rate plummets for those forced into recovery in handcuffs. However, forced abstinence can sometimes take the irrational addict and at least get them sober for a period of time to make an intelligent decision about their health and their addiction.
I second the above posters that you seek out alanon meetings and if you can find a counselor well versed in addiction issues they can be very helpful in difficult situations like this.
My father died from his addiction to alcohol and never tried to stop killing himself slowly with that poison. My heart goes out to you but remember that the three C's ... only he can chart his own destiny and his choices will be his alone and you do not have the power to change his future even if you put him handcuffs for a brief time.
While the law may allow you to force your loved one into treatment all that is a geography and opportunity and the saying "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink" comes to mind.
When you force someone against their will into treatment you are taking up a bed from someone who may desperately want it and has a desire to recover. When you force someone into treatment they most often resent the ones who forced them there and are not in the right frame of mind to receive any of the message or tools for recovery.
The percentages of those who remain in recovery is very low even for voluntary admissions the success rate plummets for those forced into recovery in handcuffs. However, forced abstinence can sometimes take the irrational addict and at least get them sober for a period of time to make an intelligent decision about their health and their addiction.
I second the above posters that you seek out alanon meetings and if you can find a counselor well versed in addiction issues they can be very helpful in difficult situations like this.
My father died from his addiction to alcohol and never tried to stop killing himself slowly with that poison. My heart goes out to you but remember that the three C's ... only he can chart his own destiny and his choices will be his alone and you do not have the power to change his future even if you put him handcuffs for a brief time.
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