jakec

I'm going to an AA convention today and I feel like I should be excited but I'm not at all. Social events make me extremely anxious. I'm so shy in awkward around a lot of people, it seems like I can never pick up on social cues and it's even hard for me to make small talk with people without not knowing what to say or how to act. I've been like this for as long as I can remember and I hate it. I'm also kind of depressed because I have to go back to rehab after the convention.. sigh.

Well, at least I'm alive, healthy, and clean. That's the important thing. I try not to dwell on the negatives but I just needed to share that.

Nonsensical

I don't like crowds or social gatherings either. I never look forward to them. Meeting people I'll probably never see again. Making small talk? Blech!

That's mostly a function of how my brain works, though. I like to just focus on one thing. Crowds are too busy, too loud, too distracting. Those things bother me in a way they don't bother most people.

Sometimes afterwards I am glad I went, though. Sometimes I meet an interesting person or learn something new.

It's just a crowd. You'll be fine. Best of Luck!

IOAA2

Hi Jake. I've and many others feel the same. For me it was helped by participation in doing the 4th step and examining my fears and where they came from then doing something about them. This one I called my self centered fear which was what people would think. Boy you can have fun with that from a lot of angles. It lessens with time and at times it's as bad as ever. After years of chairing meetings and speaking at meetings and from the podium I'm much more comfortable though would still like to do it perfectly.

BE WELL

Anna

Jake, just remind yourself that you're making choices to help yourself. You are choosing to go to the conference and you are choosing to back into rehab afterwards. These are things that will help you heal.

IOAA2

I'll add that it is so refreshing afterward to have someone come up and said thank you "I needed to hear what you said." This after having apprehension of speaking, often at a rehab.

BE WELL