New Member, Long Intro
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Klamath Falls OR
Posts: 13
New Member, Long Intro
My name is Ben I am 23 and about to be 24 (April 1st is my Birthday)
I am an alcoholic or at least I think I am. If I am not I definitely have a problem. I used to be one of those who despised alcohol and never drank, then everything changed when I turned 21. I used to binge drink, have like 3 or 4 forties a day. But not everyday. Then it turned into a routine. In the home I am in now I drink one forty a day. (Steel reserve High Gravity 8.1%) But it's taking over my life.
Some background is that I am Jewish by race and have IBS (Irritable Bowl Syndrome which for me is Ulcerative Colitis) which I was diagnosed with when I was around 10. I take Remicade for it every two months by infusion and I have been in remission for 4 years even with my drinking. Once I had blood tranfusions. Remicade shuts down my immune system so I can get sick easy. I regularly see a Gastro and over the past year they have been checking my blood and I have elevated liver enzymes which lead me to have to have a liver biopsy which I just had this Monday and no results are in yet.
I work at at a sawmill and operate a nailgun but I find most of my time is thinking of that beer when I get home. It may just be having a beer in my hands makes me feel better and it's a placebo. I smoke and chew too. I used to do weed but not anymore.
My biggest fear is my gastro is going to say I can't drink anymore. Then I won't know what to do when I get home from work. I feel alive when I drink a beer and when I'm not drinking or at work my time is spent thinking about my next alcohol and tobacco fix. I feel like I don't live until my next beer. I may not drink to get drunk like a bottle of Jack Daniels a night I just like to get buzzed, it's a warm and happy feeling. A forty is like a little over 3 beers a night so if the Gastro says I have to cut back I think I will be okay with just a 24 oz, but I don't know how I would quit completely. Beer fuels my tobacco addiction. I am hoping to find out in the next few days the results of my liver biopsy but not knowing if I can drink or not ruins my whole day at work. I have already drank today and smoked and I am about to put a chew in and I feel good but I have been browsing these forums anonymously for a while figuring whether I should post or not and here I am. I am sure if I had no limit on my beer intake I would go until I am drunk every night.
About my faith I am Christian and believe in Jesus I pray to him every night and have been saved. (i.e feeling the holy spirit and seeing the words I love you in my dreams, I have felt the holy spirit many times) and you think it should be enough. But it's my motivation spikes when I am drinking and so does my faith. When I am not drinking I don't see "Hope in the wake of Misery" but when I am drinking I do.
I have a very loving family who supports me and here is a message I received from my brother who goes to college at Colorado State and is 20.
"Hey I know this seems pretty random, but I suppose you only get so many moments to say things like this in a lifetime. I think when I was younger, and being very immature and self conscious of the things in my life, I never really took the time to appreciate the people in my life, especially you. I hope you know that I am proud to call you my brother, and honored to have known you for my entire life. I know you've gone through many hard times in your life, whether it was medically or psychologically, and no one person should endure what you've endured. But you should know that you have had a profound impact on me. Many of the experiences that we had growing up together, the good and the bad, have steered me in the direction that I want to pursue in my life, and I have no other person to thank for that but you. And I am very aware of how much of a conceited jerk I used to be when we were younger, and I wish I could give you an explanation for that, but frankly I was a much more self centered person during that time, and you didn't deserve the way I neglected you. I apologize for those times. And so, I know this seems kind of random, but I'm just speaking my mind here. You should know a lot of my motivation in my studies, my career goals, and my personal journey come from you and our times together when we were younger. Those times are very important to me, and I'm sure they are to you as well. In retrospect, I wish you had known these things earlier, but late is better than never I suppose. So just know that you are very important to me Ben, and you are to Mom and Dad as well. I wish I could see all of you guys more often. On another note of your health (although that's not the point of this message). I think the human body is an amazing machine that is capable of healing itself with the right mentality (excluding any medication) and nurturing. So whatever this is with your liver, or with anything that you've dealt with in the past or may deal with in the future, you can best it and emerge out on top, maybe even surpass the expectations of some doctors (because it is true that doctors don't know everything, and there are many ways to heal the human body that is not yet understood). I hope you know that you are important enough to Mom, Dad, and I (and Dom and his family too) to make sure that no matter what is bringing you down, you will always come out on top. So anyways, I hope your biopsy goes great and they figure out what's going on with you. Keep me updated Love Clay"
As you can see my brother loves me but it's not enough. I am pretty buzzed right now and will probably think this is silly in the morning. But I want to come back here everyday.
I just don't know how to deal with I have to quit if my Gastro says it. I think I can cut down. Just not knowing my results right now is hard. The only thing that gives me a better high than beer is building a new PC I used to own my own computer business. I used to weight 170 now I weigh 220.
I would just like some advice and help. I am glad I found this forum may Jesus and God bless you all!
I am an alcoholic or at least I think I am. If I am not I definitely have a problem. I used to be one of those who despised alcohol and never drank, then everything changed when I turned 21. I used to binge drink, have like 3 or 4 forties a day. But not everyday. Then it turned into a routine. In the home I am in now I drink one forty a day. (Steel reserve High Gravity 8.1%) But it's taking over my life.
Some background is that I am Jewish by race and have IBS (Irritable Bowl Syndrome which for me is Ulcerative Colitis) which I was diagnosed with when I was around 10. I take Remicade for it every two months by infusion and I have been in remission for 4 years even with my drinking. Once I had blood tranfusions. Remicade shuts down my immune system so I can get sick easy. I regularly see a Gastro and over the past year they have been checking my blood and I have elevated liver enzymes which lead me to have to have a liver biopsy which I just had this Monday and no results are in yet.
I work at at a sawmill and operate a nailgun but I find most of my time is thinking of that beer when I get home. It may just be having a beer in my hands makes me feel better and it's a placebo. I smoke and chew too. I used to do weed but not anymore.
My biggest fear is my gastro is going to say I can't drink anymore. Then I won't know what to do when I get home from work. I feel alive when I drink a beer and when I'm not drinking or at work my time is spent thinking about my next alcohol and tobacco fix. I feel like I don't live until my next beer. I may not drink to get drunk like a bottle of Jack Daniels a night I just like to get buzzed, it's a warm and happy feeling. A forty is like a little over 3 beers a night so if the Gastro says I have to cut back I think I will be okay with just a 24 oz, but I don't know how I would quit completely. Beer fuels my tobacco addiction. I am hoping to find out in the next few days the results of my liver biopsy but not knowing if I can drink or not ruins my whole day at work. I have already drank today and smoked and I am about to put a chew in and I feel good but I have been browsing these forums anonymously for a while figuring whether I should post or not and here I am. I am sure if I had no limit on my beer intake I would go until I am drunk every night.
About my faith I am Christian and believe in Jesus I pray to him every night and have been saved. (i.e feeling the holy spirit and seeing the words I love you in my dreams, I have felt the holy spirit many times) and you think it should be enough. But it's my motivation spikes when I am drinking and so does my faith. When I am not drinking I don't see "Hope in the wake of Misery" but when I am drinking I do.
I have a very loving family who supports me and here is a message I received from my brother who goes to college at Colorado State and is 20.
"Hey I know this seems pretty random, but I suppose you only get so many moments to say things like this in a lifetime. I think when I was younger, and being very immature and self conscious of the things in my life, I never really took the time to appreciate the people in my life, especially you. I hope you know that I am proud to call you my brother, and honored to have known you for my entire life. I know you've gone through many hard times in your life, whether it was medically or psychologically, and no one person should endure what you've endured. But you should know that you have had a profound impact on me. Many of the experiences that we had growing up together, the good and the bad, have steered me in the direction that I want to pursue in my life, and I have no other person to thank for that but you. And I am very aware of how much of a conceited jerk I used to be when we were younger, and I wish I could give you an explanation for that, but frankly I was a much more self centered person during that time, and you didn't deserve the way I neglected you. I apologize for those times. And so, I know this seems kind of random, but I'm just speaking my mind here. You should know a lot of my motivation in my studies, my career goals, and my personal journey come from you and our times together when we were younger. Those times are very important to me, and I'm sure they are to you as well. In retrospect, I wish you had known these things earlier, but late is better than never I suppose. So just know that you are very important to me Ben, and you are to Mom and Dad as well. I wish I could see all of you guys more often. On another note of your health (although that's not the point of this message). I think the human body is an amazing machine that is capable of healing itself with the right mentality (excluding any medication) and nurturing. So whatever this is with your liver, or with anything that you've dealt with in the past or may deal with in the future, you can best it and emerge out on top, maybe even surpass the expectations of some doctors (because it is true that doctors don't know everything, and there are many ways to heal the human body that is not yet understood). I hope you know that you are important enough to Mom, Dad, and I (and Dom and his family too) to make sure that no matter what is bringing you down, you will always come out on top. So anyways, I hope your biopsy goes great and they figure out what's going on with you. Keep me updated Love Clay"
As you can see my brother loves me but it's not enough. I am pretty buzzed right now and will probably think this is silly in the morning. But I want to come back here everyday.
I just don't know how to deal with I have to quit if my Gastro says it. I think I can cut down. Just not knowing my results right now is hard. The only thing that gives me a better high than beer is building a new PC I used to own my own computer business. I used to weight 170 now I weigh 220.
I would just like some advice and help. I am glad I found this forum may Jesus and God bless you all!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
Welcome BTK 
As you know, alcohol is very damaging to the body. If you continue to drink like you are, you will only get sicker.....
That being said, I wasn't scared of the physical issues my drinking caused (which were all stomach related by the way). In the end of my drinking I was scared I would kill myself or someone else. I didn't want to live but I didn't want to die. In other words, I was hopeless. I never lost a job, a house or anything. I simply lost myself. Sick of being obsessed with having to get home and drink. Being sober leads to a freedom I never even thought possible. I go to AA meetings too. Love them and the people I have met. Keep coming here and read a lot! There's so much to learn from eachother. Let us know how your tests go!
As you know, alcohol is very damaging to the body. If you continue to drink like you are, you will only get sicker.....That being said, I wasn't scared of the physical issues my drinking caused (which were all stomach related by the way). In the end of my drinking I was scared I would kill myself or someone else. I didn't want to live but I didn't want to die. In other words, I was hopeless. I never lost a job, a house or anything. I simply lost myself. Sick of being obsessed with having to get home and drink. Being sober leads to a freedom I never even thought possible. I go to AA meetings too. Love them and the people I have met. Keep coming here and read a lot! There's so much to learn from eachother. Let us know how your tests go!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
A good friend of mine had IBS and ulcerative colitis too..... he drank pretty regularly in his younger years. Very regularly in his thirties, very heavily at times.
He never saw 40. Died of liver disease and other complications brought on by his alcoholism in concert with his IBS and colitis.
You're a young guy. You have a brother who loves you. You have enough of a head on your shoulders to know that maybe you've got a problem with this booze thing.....
From what you describe, it's only going to get worse.
And you've got some serious health issues that alcohol will only work against.
Welcome to SR.... my vote is this; join us on the sober path and give yourself the greatest gift ever.
He never saw 40. Died of liver disease and other complications brought on by his alcoholism in concert with his IBS and colitis.
You're a young guy. You have a brother who loves you. You have enough of a head on your shoulders to know that maybe you've got a problem with this booze thing.....
From what you describe, it's only going to get worse.
And you've got some serious health issues that alcohol will only work against.
Welcome to SR.... my vote is this; join us on the sober path and give yourself the greatest gift ever.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Klamath Falls OR
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by FreeOwl 
A good friend of mine had IBS and ulcerative colitis too..... he drank pretty regularly in his younger years. Very regularly in his thirties, very heavily at times.
He never saw 40. Died of liver disease and other complications brought on by his alcoholism in concert with his IBS and colitis.
You're a young guy. You have a brother who loves you. You have enough of a head on your shoulders to know that maybe you've got a problem with this booze thing.....
From what you describe, it's only going to get worse.
And you've got some serious health issues that alcohol will only work against.
Welcome to SR.... my vote is this; join us on the sober path and give yourself the greatest gift ever.
He never saw 40. Died of liver disease and other complications brought on by his alcoholism in concert with his IBS and colitis.
You're a young guy. You have a brother who loves you. You have enough of a head on your shoulders to know that maybe you've got a problem with this booze thing.....
From what you describe, it's only going to get worse.
And you've got some serious health issues that alcohol will only work against.
Welcome to SR.... my vote is this; join us on the sober path and give yourself the greatest gift ever.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
I removed a couple of posts under our medical rule.
Hi and welcome Benjamin
I too had a vast array of digestive issues from drinking - everyone of them has either completed disappeared or is very much more manageable now that I've stopped drinking, to the point that I no longer feel like a person with digestive issues.
I know it's scary to consider giving up alcohol if it's played a large part in your life - but there are thousands of people here who live happy, joyous and fulfilled lives, and who are sober.
The warm fuzzies I get now are real, not chemically induced.
I've done more with my life in the last 7 years sober than I did in the 20 before that.
I've reclaimed my life - and I like who I am...I'm no longer embarrassed or ashamed. I know longer spend nights inside alone drinking. I have friends who love me, a loving partner, and I'm always finding things do.
That seems to me to be a decent trade off for not drinking anymore.
Hi and welcome Benjamin
I too had a vast array of digestive issues from drinking - everyone of them has either completed disappeared or is very much more manageable now that I've stopped drinking, to the point that I no longer feel like a person with digestive issues.
I know it's scary to consider giving up alcohol if it's played a large part in your life - but there are thousands of people here who live happy, joyous and fulfilled lives, and who are sober.
The warm fuzzies I get now are real, not chemically induced.
I've done more with my life in the last 7 years sober than I did in the 20 before that.
I've reclaimed my life - and I like who I am...I'm no longer embarrassed or ashamed. I know longer spend nights inside alone drinking. I have friends who love me, a loving partner, and I'm always finding things do.
That seems to me to be a decent trade off for not drinking anymore.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,778
I hope the support here can help you stop drinking for good. I didn't want to stop drinking either. Didn't know what I'd do with myself if I wasn't drinking. Now I realize I can do anything I want and do it better to boot!
It might be best if you had no alcohol in the house. Too much of a temptation.
I'm glad you found us and joined the family.
It might be best if you had no alcohol in the house. Too much of a temptation.
I'm glad you found us and joined the family.
30yrdrunk
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 89
You are in the grips of addiction. The alcohol is picking you up from the low you are experiencing from withdrawal.
Once you break that cycle and it stays broken you will feel great naturally. Alcoholism invariably gets worse. If you don't stop you will need more and more alcohol to experience the same high.
Once you break that cycle and it stays broken you will feel great naturally. Alcoholism invariably gets worse. If you don't stop you will need more and more alcohol to experience the same high.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 85
BTK, great that you are here, and great post. You really laid it out so we can understand. Please get some help while you still can. Your liver is telling you it can't handle the alcohol, and it won't last forever. When it goes, you will be either dead or wish you were. You don't want to ruin your health over something so foolish as drinking. It's so not worth it!
Get to an AA meeting as quick as you can! You can stop drinking now before you do some real damage to yourself. Take advantage of this moment of clarity and take action. And if you need to get away from the house where you are living now to stop drinking, figure that out as well. It's so important to get this under control while you still have your health.
Get to an AA meeting as quick as you can! You can stop drinking now before you do some real damage to yourself. Take advantage of this moment of clarity and take action. And if you need to get away from the house where you are living now to stop drinking, figure that out as well. It's so important to get this under control while you still have your health.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Klamath Falls OR
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by GotGrace
Hi BTK. I am glad you are here. You are in a tough spot with housemates who drink. Keep checking in with us. You can quit drinking. It is not always easy, but it is always worth it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,872
Please take care of yourself, BTK. SR is a wonderful place; you will find (and have already found) many people who truly care about you and your struggles with alcohol. Please let us know what you find out from your gastro.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Klamath Falls OR
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by SoberLeigh
Please take care of yourself, BTK. SR is a wonderful place; you will find (and have already found) many people who truly care about you and your struggles with alcohol. Please let us know what you find out from your gastro.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Klamath Falls OR
Posts: 13
Well it's the weekend so obviously I won't hear anything until Monday or later so I am going to go ride the bus around town to try and get my mind off beer if I don't I will be drinking by noon.
Phoenix Rising Again
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 3,079
Originally Posted by BTK
Well it's the weekend so obviously I won't hear anything until Monday or later so I am going to go ride the bus around town to try and get my mind off beer if I don't I will be drinking by noon.
You have a fabulous idea there of riding the bus. I should start doing that just to see where I end up.
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