I actually felt "normal"...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 64
I actually felt "normal"...
I am not sure this is a post really about "sobriety", but for me it is, so I want to share my story.
Last night I made a date to hang out with a guy I like to "celebrate Mardi Gras" (aka an excuse to get together, go to the place down the street and get cheap wings, mingle with the locals, and spend a night together). Anyways, I had been making and breaking plans with this guy here and there for a week or two, primarily because I had been not drinking and, in all of our previous encounters prior to recently and before my decision to follow that plan, we would mostly go out, I'd get drunk, and things would happen that I didn't remember. I never felt taken advantage of, but I didn't feel good about myself in what I was doing; I didn't feel respected by him but of course I know that I was only taking the respect from myself by my actions. Needless to say, it was anxiety provoking to get together with him knowing that I'd be of my senses, but I finally wasn't feeling depressed or crappy about myself or in a bad mood or anything, so I felt it was a good time. We went out, had a couple of beers, wings, etc., and I honestly did not feel the need to want to get drunk or anything. I was conscious about what I was doing and checking in with how I felt, and I did not want to be smashed and forget things or be completely out of control of myself. I just wanted to be out and have a chill night. It ended up being that way. I felt "normal". When we came home the pressure was on a little more because I knew that we were probably going to be intimate, but I resisted the urge to get drunk and actually had an enjoyable and memorable night. I also got up, got to work on time, and had a very productive day. For me, it was an odd experience, but a good one, one I never had before. I feel good about what I did 99%. The 1% is just wishing I wouldn't give myself permission to binge eat haha.
Thanks everyone for listening.
Last night I made a date to hang out with a guy I like to "celebrate Mardi Gras" (aka an excuse to get together, go to the place down the street and get cheap wings, mingle with the locals, and spend a night together). Anyways, I had been making and breaking plans with this guy here and there for a week or two, primarily because I had been not drinking and, in all of our previous encounters prior to recently and before my decision to follow that plan, we would mostly go out, I'd get drunk, and things would happen that I didn't remember. I never felt taken advantage of, but I didn't feel good about myself in what I was doing; I didn't feel respected by him but of course I know that I was only taking the respect from myself by my actions. Needless to say, it was anxiety provoking to get together with him knowing that I'd be of my senses, but I finally wasn't feeling depressed or crappy about myself or in a bad mood or anything, so I felt it was a good time. We went out, had a couple of beers, wings, etc., and I honestly did not feel the need to want to get drunk or anything. I was conscious about what I was doing and checking in with how I felt, and I did not want to be smashed and forget things or be completely out of control of myself. I just wanted to be out and have a chill night. It ended up being that way. I felt "normal". When we came home the pressure was on a little more because I knew that we were probably going to be intimate, but I resisted the urge to get drunk and actually had an enjoyable and memorable night. I also got up, got to work on time, and had a very productive day. For me, it was an odd experience, but a good one, one I never had before. I feel good about what I did 99%. The 1% is just wishing I wouldn't give myself permission to binge eat haha.
Thanks everyone for listening.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
But think of this: normal drinkers don't have to force themselves to only have two drinks. Nor do they come on recovery sites to announce it. I'd be careful Flygirl. Seems you might be treading on dangerous ground.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
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I wasn't forcing myself at all. There was no urge up until that one point. That IS the point. I felt proud of myself so I wanted to share it. It's not often I feel proud of myself, and in this fleeting moment, I wanted to celebrate it and share.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
I believe that it is the addiction that makes you believe that you are in control. It was for me. I wanted to believe it, of course, but I never was in control...at least not for more than five minutes or so. If you are an alcoholic, you will not be able to control your drinking, so do be careful.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 64
Perhaps this was not the right place to share, and I apologize if that is so. I guess I felt like I needed external validation, but I realize, I really don't in this case. I feel confident about my decisions, and I feel good about what I accomplished. That's what matters.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: FLAAADAH
Posts: 793
We're proud of you to !!!...
...and let this be proof that you CAN make changes for the better. You can !!!
Be it baby steps or giant leaps, whatever works for you !
You CAN do it ! Just another step towards sobriety lay's the ground work for recovery !
We're rooting for ya !!!
Be it baby steps or giant leaps, whatever works for you !
You CAN do it ! Just another step towards sobriety lay's the ground work for recovery !
We're rooting for ya !!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: FLAAADAH
Posts: 793
C'mon guys...and girls...
Lighten up a little will ya.
There are a LOT of us out there that havnt made it to "Crystal Pinicle" of sobriety and recovery that a lot of you have...BUT...
We are still forging ahead and still taking some pride and self satisfaction in the "Baby Steps" we DO make.
I wouldnt call it so much a "Celebration"...but a step in a positive direction
"Easy does It"....ok?
Thats my 2 cent worth
There are a LOT of us out there that havnt made it to "Crystal Pinicle" of sobriety and recovery that a lot of you have...BUT...
We are still forging ahead and still taking some pride and self satisfaction in the "Baby Steps" we DO make.
I wouldnt call it so much a "Celebration"...but a step in a positive direction
"Easy does It"....ok?
Thats my 2 cent worth
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
I'm on the sick list right now...
I wouldn't have replied here had you not mentioned it elsewhere Flying J.
I get the sense you don't really understand why people got, in your words 'flustered' with this thread?
here's part of a post I posted some years back
I'm not doing this to beat you up...I just really want to stress how insidious our thinking can get sometimes.
Remember the majority of the nights.
Get the whole picture.
be well
D
I wouldn't have replied here had you not mentioned it elsewhere Flying J.
I get the sense you don't really understand why people got, in your words 'flustered' with this thread?
here's part of a post I posted some years back
When I was trying to get a handle on my drinking, not getting drunk was an achievement, a victory - it was hope to me, somewhere deep in me, that hey maybe I could control my drinking whenever I wanted....at the very least it was proof I was 'getting better'...
If I really looked back at my history I'd have seen the times when I drank 'like a gentleman' were the rare exception, not the rule.
I had 100s, maybe 1000s, of times where I got wasted and embarrassed or hurt myself or others - but I'd always go back to those handful of times where I'd had a glass or two and 'nothing happened'.
I really wanted to be a normal drinker, so I guess it's not surprising I clung to those few nights....but I'd always return to my normal pattern of drinking.
Looking back now, the truth was I was a blackout alcoholic drinker who sometimes had a 'normal' drinking experience - it was blind luck, not good management.
Please don't fall for the same lies I did for all those years.
Alcohol and I have a disastrous relationship. My drinking caused me immense pain and suffering, and it damn near destroyed me and all I loved....
if I drink - even one or two glasses - it's anything but a triumph.
If I really looked back at my history I'd have seen the times when I drank 'like a gentleman' were the rare exception, not the rule.
I had 100s, maybe 1000s, of times where I got wasted and embarrassed or hurt myself or others - but I'd always go back to those handful of times where I'd had a glass or two and 'nothing happened'.
I really wanted to be a normal drinker, so I guess it's not surprising I clung to those few nights....but I'd always return to my normal pattern of drinking.
Looking back now, the truth was I was a blackout alcoholic drinker who sometimes had a 'normal' drinking experience - it was blind luck, not good management.
Please don't fall for the same lies I did for all those years.
Alcohol and I have a disastrous relationship. My drinking caused me immense pain and suffering, and it damn near destroyed me and all I loved....
if I drink - even one or two glasses - it's anything but a triumph.
Remember the majority of the nights.
Get the whole picture.
be well
D
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