Can we reward someone into treatment and recovery?
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Can we reward someone into treatment and recovery?
We recently posted two threads over in the F&F section about the CRAFT approach to recovery and some of us started to wonder what your experiences and thoughts on this are:
"CRAFT: An Alternative to Intervention
~ by Robert J. Meyers, Ph.D.
People with untreated addictions frequently say that there is nothing wrong with them; they falsely believe that they can control their drug or alcohol use. They strongly resist the notion that they need treatment, even when family members or friends believe otherwise. That's why it may be tempting to take a hands-off approach to the problem, hoping that your relative or friend's drug or alcohol problem will just go away - that he or she is just going through a phase and will get better with time. Or you may decide that treatment won't help because your addicted friend or relative doesn't want to make a change. But both of these beliefs are myths that can lead to a more severe addiction and to greater family disruption.
Addiction is a progressive disorder -it gets worse over time. The sooner a person receives treatment for addiction, the greater the chances for long-term recovery. Further, experts know that forced, or mandated, treatment can be successful. In fact, most people receiving treatment for addiction are getting help because they were forced into it by family or friends, employers or the criminal justice system.
Common wisdom taught that confrontation - "intervention" - was necessary to get a loved one into treatment. This confrontational approach is sometimes successful, but may not be the best approach. Intervention methods have been refined in recent years. A newer approach, called Community Reinforcement and Family Training or CRAFT, relies on a gentler, more supportive approach.
However you choose to get your loved one into treatment, if possible, get the advice of an addiction treatment specialist - and try to learn if there is space available in the treatment program of your choice before you begin your effort.
CRAFT METHOD: Community Reinforcement and Family Training
• The CRAFT method relies on non-confrontational methods to encourage loved ones to enter addiction treatment.
• The method also can help family members improve the quality of their lives.
• CRAFT's effectiveness has been proven through scientific study.
Do you have a substance-using loved one who refuses treatment? The CRAFT program may help. CRAFT - Community Reinforcement and Family Training - teaches the use of healthy rewards to encourage positive behaviors. Plus, it focuses on helping both the substance user and the family.
The CRAFT goals are to teach you how to encourage your substance user to reduce use and enter treatment. The other goal is to help you enhance your own quality of life. This non-confrontational approach teaches you how to figure out the best times and strategies to make small but powerful changes. And it will show you how to do so in a fashion that reduces relationship conflict.
Experts have based CRAFT on solid science. People from many walks of life have used it successfully to help their loved ones and themselves. Whether you are the parent, spouse, romantic partner, adult child or friend of the substance user, research tells us that you too can succeed with this program. The methods are effective and easy to learn. CRAFT allows family members to feel good about their efforts on behalf of their loved ones
Quote:
When a CRAFT Program is Not Available in Your Community ?
CRAFT can easily be learned on your own. The 2004 book, Get Your Loved One Sober: Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading, and Threatening by Robert J. Meyers and Brenda L. Wolfe, was written to bring CRAFT right into your home. It helps you change the way you think about your situation and teaches you how to help your loved one learn to enjoy a sober lifestyle.
The authors also help you rethink your own lifestyle to make it safer and saner regardless of what your loved one does. If you are also working with a therapist, we recommend that you alert your counselor to the CRAFT manual for therapists, Motivating Substance Abusers to Enter Treatment: Working with Family Members.
FIVE THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT CRAFT
1. CRAFT is a motivational model of help based on research that consistently finds motivational treatments to be superior to confrontational ones.
CRAFT shows you how to develop your loved one's motivation to change by helping you figure out how to appropriately reward healthy behavior. You learn how to make sober activities more attractive to your loved one, and drug- or alcohol-using activities less inviting. In this way, you minimize conflict and maximize cooperative relationship-enhancing interactions with your loved one.
2. More than two-thirds of family members who use CRAFT successfully engage their substance using loved ones in treatment.
This stands in sharp contrast to confrontational interventions that result in fewer than one-third of substance users entering treatment. The graph depicts one of the alcohol studies that contrasted CRAFT with intervention.
3. Evidence suggests that substance users who are pushed into treatment by a traditional confrontational intervention are more likely to relapse than clients who are encouraged into treatment with less confrontational means.
4. Family members who use CRAFT experience greater improvements in their emotional and physical health than do those who use confrontational methods to try to help their loved ones.
5. People who use CRAFT are more likely to see the process through to success than those who use confrontational methods.
CRAFT programs have extremely low dropout rates, while over 75% of the people who try to use traditional interventions quit. The dropouts report that the confrontational techniques are too distressing and they worry about doing permanent damage to their relationship with the substance user.
FIVE MYTHS ABOUT CRAFT
1. CRAFT's system of offering and withdrawing "rewards" such as your affection and attention is just another way of enabling someone who is using substances. And enabling is bad.
Receiving affection and compliments for non-using behavior makes that behavior more enjoyable for your loved one. So, being nice when your loved one is engaged in sober activities makes it more likely that she or he continues those behaviors. One might say that you are "enabling" healthy behavior. Furthermore, CRAFT specifically teaches you how to withdraw rewards when the person is using - and this is the opposite of the traditional concept of enabling.
2. No one enters treatment until they "hit bottom" so using CRAFT while your loved one is still functioning is a waste of time.
People enter treatment when the reasons not to use outweigh the reasons to use. And as research has clearly shown, family members can help shift the balance so that the user develops enough reasons to stop. You can increase your loved one's reasons to not use by making sober time more enjoyable than using time. When she or he is not using, enjoy good times together. When she or he does use, withdraw yourself from the situation. The more pleasure your loved one experiences while sober, the less attractive getting drunk or high will be. So it is never too early to use the CRAFT alternative to nagging and threatening.
3. Most substance users overdo it all the time so it is impossible to do anything to lessen the severity of their use.
To the contrary, CRAFT teaches you how to map out your loved one's patterns to figure out the best ways to alter them. You learn two critical skills that allow you to do this. One is to identify the early triggers and signs of a drinking or drugging episode. The other is to determine which consequences you can influence or orchestrate yourself to begin to manage those episodes
4. If you love someone, it is cruel to allow him or her to sleep in vomit or endure public humiliation when you have the power to fix those things.
Substance use creates messes. It causes missed work, embarrassing public behavior, vomit, wrecked relationships and worse. When it is your own loved one who gets into these messes, it is very difficult to just stand by and let him or her suffer. However, fixing the messes and protecting your loved one from his or her poor choices only makes it okay for those choices to be repeated. This may indeed be the most difficult lesson of CRAFT. With the exception of allowing truly dangerous behavior, let your loved deal with his or her own messes. These are called natural consequences and are powerful motivators to rethink one's behavior choices.
5. Once your loved one agrees to stop using or enter treatment, your job is done.
Between agreeing to enter treatment and making an appointment, a thousand things will change a substance user's mind. Your job, as a successful CRAFT practicer, is to select a therapist and be sure that he or she is ready to see your loved one within a day or two. From there, your support of treatment is invaluable. It can make the difference between your loved one dropping out of treatment or joining you in a happier, healthier life. "
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ervention.html
"CRAFT: An Alternative to Intervention
~ by Robert J. Meyers, Ph.D.
People with untreated addictions frequently say that there is nothing wrong with them; they falsely believe that they can control their drug or alcohol use. They strongly resist the notion that they need treatment, even when family members or friends believe otherwise. That's why it may be tempting to take a hands-off approach to the problem, hoping that your relative or friend's drug or alcohol problem will just go away - that he or she is just going through a phase and will get better with time. Or you may decide that treatment won't help because your addicted friend or relative doesn't want to make a change. But both of these beliefs are myths that can lead to a more severe addiction and to greater family disruption.
Addiction is a progressive disorder -it gets worse over time. The sooner a person receives treatment for addiction, the greater the chances for long-term recovery. Further, experts know that forced, or mandated, treatment can be successful. In fact, most people receiving treatment for addiction are getting help because they were forced into it by family or friends, employers or the criminal justice system.
Common wisdom taught that confrontation - "intervention" - was necessary to get a loved one into treatment. This confrontational approach is sometimes successful, but may not be the best approach. Intervention methods have been refined in recent years. A newer approach, called Community Reinforcement and Family Training or CRAFT, relies on a gentler, more supportive approach.
However you choose to get your loved one into treatment, if possible, get the advice of an addiction treatment specialist - and try to learn if there is space available in the treatment program of your choice before you begin your effort.
CRAFT METHOD: Community Reinforcement and Family Training
• The CRAFT method relies on non-confrontational methods to encourage loved ones to enter addiction treatment.
• The method also can help family members improve the quality of their lives.
• CRAFT's effectiveness has been proven through scientific study.
Do you have a substance-using loved one who refuses treatment? The CRAFT program may help. CRAFT - Community Reinforcement and Family Training - teaches the use of healthy rewards to encourage positive behaviors. Plus, it focuses on helping both the substance user and the family.
The CRAFT goals are to teach you how to encourage your substance user to reduce use and enter treatment. The other goal is to help you enhance your own quality of life. This non-confrontational approach teaches you how to figure out the best times and strategies to make small but powerful changes. And it will show you how to do so in a fashion that reduces relationship conflict.
Experts have based CRAFT on solid science. People from many walks of life have used it successfully to help their loved ones and themselves. Whether you are the parent, spouse, romantic partner, adult child or friend of the substance user, research tells us that you too can succeed with this program. The methods are effective and easy to learn. CRAFT allows family members to feel good about their efforts on behalf of their loved ones
Quote:
When a CRAFT Program is Not Available in Your Community ?
CRAFT can easily be learned on your own. The 2004 book, Get Your Loved One Sober: Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading, and Threatening by Robert J. Meyers and Brenda L. Wolfe, was written to bring CRAFT right into your home. It helps you change the way you think about your situation and teaches you how to help your loved one learn to enjoy a sober lifestyle.
The authors also help you rethink your own lifestyle to make it safer and saner regardless of what your loved one does. If you are also working with a therapist, we recommend that you alert your counselor to the CRAFT manual for therapists, Motivating Substance Abusers to Enter Treatment: Working with Family Members.
FIVE THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT CRAFT
1. CRAFT is a motivational model of help based on research that consistently finds motivational treatments to be superior to confrontational ones.
CRAFT shows you how to develop your loved one's motivation to change by helping you figure out how to appropriately reward healthy behavior. You learn how to make sober activities more attractive to your loved one, and drug- or alcohol-using activities less inviting. In this way, you minimize conflict and maximize cooperative relationship-enhancing interactions with your loved one.
2. More than two-thirds of family members who use CRAFT successfully engage their substance using loved ones in treatment.
This stands in sharp contrast to confrontational interventions that result in fewer than one-third of substance users entering treatment. The graph depicts one of the alcohol studies that contrasted CRAFT with intervention.
3. Evidence suggests that substance users who are pushed into treatment by a traditional confrontational intervention are more likely to relapse than clients who are encouraged into treatment with less confrontational means.
4. Family members who use CRAFT experience greater improvements in their emotional and physical health than do those who use confrontational methods to try to help their loved ones.
5. People who use CRAFT are more likely to see the process through to success than those who use confrontational methods.
CRAFT programs have extremely low dropout rates, while over 75% of the people who try to use traditional interventions quit. The dropouts report that the confrontational techniques are too distressing and they worry about doing permanent damage to their relationship with the substance user.
FIVE MYTHS ABOUT CRAFT
1. CRAFT's system of offering and withdrawing "rewards" such as your affection and attention is just another way of enabling someone who is using substances. And enabling is bad.
Receiving affection and compliments for non-using behavior makes that behavior more enjoyable for your loved one. So, being nice when your loved one is engaged in sober activities makes it more likely that she or he continues those behaviors. One might say that you are "enabling" healthy behavior. Furthermore, CRAFT specifically teaches you how to withdraw rewards when the person is using - and this is the opposite of the traditional concept of enabling.
2. No one enters treatment until they "hit bottom" so using CRAFT while your loved one is still functioning is a waste of time.
People enter treatment when the reasons not to use outweigh the reasons to use. And as research has clearly shown, family members can help shift the balance so that the user develops enough reasons to stop. You can increase your loved one's reasons to not use by making sober time more enjoyable than using time. When she or he is not using, enjoy good times together. When she or he does use, withdraw yourself from the situation. The more pleasure your loved one experiences while sober, the less attractive getting drunk or high will be. So it is never too early to use the CRAFT alternative to nagging and threatening.
3. Most substance users overdo it all the time so it is impossible to do anything to lessen the severity of their use.
To the contrary, CRAFT teaches you how to map out your loved one's patterns to figure out the best ways to alter them. You learn two critical skills that allow you to do this. One is to identify the early triggers and signs of a drinking or drugging episode. The other is to determine which consequences you can influence or orchestrate yourself to begin to manage those episodes
4. If you love someone, it is cruel to allow him or her to sleep in vomit or endure public humiliation when you have the power to fix those things.
Substance use creates messes. It causes missed work, embarrassing public behavior, vomit, wrecked relationships and worse. When it is your own loved one who gets into these messes, it is very difficult to just stand by and let him or her suffer. However, fixing the messes and protecting your loved one from his or her poor choices only makes it okay for those choices to be repeated. This may indeed be the most difficult lesson of CRAFT. With the exception of allowing truly dangerous behavior, let your loved deal with his or her own messes. These are called natural consequences and are powerful motivators to rethink one's behavior choices.
5. Once your loved one agrees to stop using or enter treatment, your job is done.
Between agreeing to enter treatment and making an appointment, a thousand things will change a substance user's mind. Your job, as a successful CRAFT practicer, is to select a therapist and be sure that he or she is ready to see your loved one within a day or two. From there, your support of treatment is invaluable. It can make the difference between your loved one dropping out of treatment or joining you in a happier, healthier life. "
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ervention.html
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 609
Considering the responses over on F&F regarding this post, I hardly even
want to be a part of this. But since we're on the lovely internet where anything
goes....why not.
The CRAFT goals are to teach you how to encourage your substance user to reduce use and enter treatment. The other goal is to help you enhance your own quality of life. This non-confrontational approach teaches you how to figure out the best times and strategies to make small but powerful changes. And it will show you how to do so in a fashion that reduces relationship conflict.
Yes, if I'm encouraged to stop doing something negative, it's different than shouting in my face I'm a (qouting F&F's) a loser, a bum, every curse word & insult known and telling all the world about every mess up I made.
Encouragement and postive reinformant trump the hostile environment that I was in.
So all the responses on the other board saying it's like having a dog you reward? Did you all NOT read the Myths of Craft?
I think most of this is about treating the other person like a human being.
Did NO ONE watch the Anonymous People that was up the other day and posted
on several forums?
I've got no experience at all with any of the F&F's methods of making their lives easier and to have less trauma around them. Today I was reminded of why the addicted/alcoholic spouse often leaves.
I left because I was sooo exhausted with being watched like a hawk, not being able to sleep, eat or watch a show OR read a book without her starting in on whatever she had 24/7 to sit at home and get upset about.
And I loved that woman with everything in me. I never fell out of love. I wish I had...it would of made things easier.
sorry.......this one is too close to home and it's breaking my heart to even respond.
want to be a part of this. But since we're on the lovely internet where anything
goes....why not.
The CRAFT goals are to teach you how to encourage your substance user to reduce use and enter treatment. The other goal is to help you enhance your own quality of life. This non-confrontational approach teaches you how to figure out the best times and strategies to make small but powerful changes. And it will show you how to do so in a fashion that reduces relationship conflict.
Yes, if I'm encouraged to stop doing something negative, it's different than shouting in my face I'm a (qouting F&F's) a loser, a bum, every curse word & insult known and telling all the world about every mess up I made.
Encouragement and postive reinformant trump the hostile environment that I was in.
So all the responses on the other board saying it's like having a dog you reward? Did you all NOT read the Myths of Craft?
I think most of this is about treating the other person like a human being.
Did NO ONE watch the Anonymous People that was up the other day and posted
on several forums?
I've got no experience at all with any of the F&F's methods of making their lives easier and to have less trauma around them. Today I was reminded of why the addicted/alcoholic spouse often leaves.
I left because I was sooo exhausted with being watched like a hawk, not being able to sleep, eat or watch a show OR read a book without her starting in on whatever she had 24/7 to sit at home and get upset about.
And I loved that woman with everything in me. I never fell out of love. I wish I had...it would of made things easier.
sorry.......this one is too close to home and it's breaking my heart to even respond.
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
I think my family was already rewarding me by putting up with the erratic behavior, the avoidance, the memory losses, the angry outbursts...etc, etc. And the zombie the next day.
This approach seems to be based on trying to control the alcoholics behavior, which never works.
It seems to be implying that rewarding the alcoholic with human affection will do the trick. But by the end, the bottle gave me all the affection I wanted and I liked isolation, I didn't really want to be around people.
I think my family would have had a heck of a time distinguishing between using and non-using behavior, and finding those "sober times". I wonder when I was ever sober: I only had three buttons on my control panel. Drunk, planning to get drunk or recovering from the drunk. Even in hangover state, I was still in an alcoholic mind set.
This approach seems to be based on trying to control the alcoholics behavior, which never works.
It seems to be implying that rewarding the alcoholic with human affection will do the trick. But by the end, the bottle gave me all the affection I wanted and I liked isolation, I didn't really want to be around people.
I think my family would have had a heck of a time distinguishing between using and non-using behavior, and finding those "sober times". I wonder when I was ever sober: I only had three buttons on my control panel. Drunk, planning to get drunk or recovering from the drunk. Even in hangover state, I was still in an alcoholic mind set.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
So all the responses on the other board saying it's like having a dog you reward? Did you all NOT read the Myths of Craft?
I totally understand that being treated nicely is better than being nagged and dogged at every turn. My experience was, however, that it mattered precious little what I did. Positive or negative.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
I wasn't gonna reply, but after reading ont he other thread, thought id share my experience:
To the contrary, CRAFT teaches you how to map out your loved one's patterns to figure out the best ways to alter them. You learn two critical skills that allow you to do this. One is to identify the early triggers and signs of a drinking or drugging episode. The other is to determine which consequences you can influence or orchestrate yourself to begin to manage those episodes
so, what im gatherin is that the friends/family/loved ones of the alcoholic/addict is to alter the life of the alcoholic.addicts life? to manage the alcoholic/addicts life? to give the alcoholic/addict consequenses when they drink/drug?
in other words...to take a hostage?
I could have been offered the world for not drinkin drugging and the consequence could have been death. I would have still drank/drugged.
if you want to try this with the alcoholic/addict in your life, I wish you the best of luck. it wouldn't have worked with me. if you could find people that finally threw me out of their lives while I was drinkin/druggin, im sure they would agree it didn't work either.
I like what ive read from another program:
I didn't cause it
I cant control it
I cant cure it.
To the contrary, CRAFT teaches you how to map out your loved one's patterns to figure out the best ways to alter them. You learn two critical skills that allow you to do this. One is to identify the early triggers and signs of a drinking or drugging episode. The other is to determine which consequences you can influence or orchestrate yourself to begin to manage those episodes
so, what im gatherin is that the friends/family/loved ones of the alcoholic/addict is to alter the life of the alcoholic.addicts life? to manage the alcoholic/addicts life? to give the alcoholic/addict consequenses when they drink/drug?
in other words...to take a hostage?
I could have been offered the world for not drinkin drugging and the consequence could have been death. I would have still drank/drugged.
if you want to try this with the alcoholic/addict in your life, I wish you the best of luck. it wouldn't have worked with me. if you could find people that finally threw me out of their lives while I was drinkin/druggin, im sure they would agree it didn't work either.
I like what ive read from another program:
I didn't cause it
I cant control it
I cant cure it.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I have been guilty of calling my addict husband some very despicable names. I have even posted it. Do I regret it, very much and I have apologized and made amends to him. When I knew better, I did better. However, an active addicts behaviors can be infuriating and very difficult to understand.
That said, I have also been loving, supportive, forgiving and encouraging. I have also tried to stay on my side of the street and allow him to work it out for himself.
After several months clean, he went back. It is beyond heartbreaking to lose someone again to addiction. But I KNOW in my heart, he has to want it and there is NOTHING I can do to make him want to. I am just not that powerful. Today, I have had to let go and let God and it is the most difficult decision of my life.
To imply I could have loved my husband enough or differently to get and stay clean is simply a lie!!
That said, I have also been loving, supportive, forgiving and encouraging. I have also tried to stay on my side of the street and allow him to work it out for himself.
After several months clean, he went back. It is beyond heartbreaking to lose someone again to addiction. But I KNOW in my heart, he has to want it and there is NOTHING I can do to make him want to. I am just not that powerful. Today, I have had to let go and let God and it is the most difficult decision of my life.
To imply I could have loved my husband enough or differently to get and stay clean is simply a lie!!
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Originally Posted by PaperDolls 
My brother offered to pay me $700 if I could quit smoking for 1 year.
I'm broke.
I still failed.
I'm broke.
I still failed.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 609
Originally Posted by LoveMeNow
I have been guilty of calling my addict husband some very despicable names. I have even posted it. Do I regret it, very much and I have apologized and made amends to him. When I knew better, I did better. However, an active addicts behaviors can be infuriating and very difficult to understand.
you've talked the talk, till you walked the walk. I think it's the best thing you could ever do for yourself....to let him go and to live your own beautiful life.
Originally Posted by LoveMeNow
That said, I have also been loving, supportive, forgiving and encouraging. I have also tried to stay on my side of the street and allow him to work it out for himself.
Originally Posted by LoveMeNow
After several months clean, he went back. It is beyond heartbreaking to lose someone again to addiction. But I KNOW in my heart, he has to want it and there is NOTHING I can do to make him want to. I am just not that powerful. Today, I have had to let go and let God and it is the most difficult decision of my life.
Originally Posted by LoveMeNow
To imply I could have loved my husband enough or differently to get and stay clean is simply a lie!!
You did that and it didn't matter in the end. Sometimes yes, one has to walk away. My GF could NOT stop her abuse of me ..,.. she at times felt that she had the right to yell, hit, threaten, follow me and dump things on me in my sleep, break laptops from school in half in her rage.
I sometimes should say what I took or drank during this time yet I
am not quite ok in talking about it....as it makes her sound even more ....something. She is gone now. This is hard to write.
While I went and did everything I had to do (school, work, raising my child, shopping and cleaning/etc etc etc etc till I could vomit etc) she just kept on me ...So yeah, I wish to hell she would of never started the slams and digs, the threatening yes, literally stalking me on my college campus with a handgun.
Her encouragement and occasional thank you's meant the world to me. Truly. I would of done ANYTHING to make her happy and I did....till she started cursing at me, saying the most sickest, cruelest, disgusting things to me....that haunt me to this day. I could not be perfect enough. I could not be her. ?
I see even now, that a poster is over on the original post by allforcnm and has again, not been able to distinguish between what it's about and what is in the MYTHS section.
I give up. I truly do. I can't make people understand how to read a bloody couple paragraphs. Ones that actually have HEADERS.
cheers
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,357
When the OP asked me if a thread on this subject would be ok here, I said sure.
I wasn't aware, and wasn't told, that there were other threads on the subject.
I haven't read the other threads and I'm not going to....I assumed the thread was posted here to get the perspective of those in the Newcomers forum.
This is not an adjunct to other threads.
If other threads, or other members not even in this thread, are going to be referred to I'll shut this one down, because it will be redundant.
D
I wasn't aware, and wasn't told, that there were other threads on the subject.
I haven't read the other threads and I'm not going to....I assumed the thread was posted here to get the perspective of those in the Newcomers forum.
This is not an adjunct to other threads.
If other threads, or other members not even in this thread, are going to be referred to I'll shut this one down, because it will be redundant.
D
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
I posted the original article on CRAFT as it is the approach taught to me by the doctors at my husbands non-12 step rehab.
So first for those that don’t know…CRAFT is endorsed by National Institute of Drug Abuse, Partnership Drug Free America, medical professionals, addiction doctors, therapist, and more. It's also used by family members at SMART recovery. You will find articles Pro- CRAFT in the NY times, Chicago Tribune and many other outlets.
I don't believe it's endorsed by AA however...although I do know family members who combine this with alanon (take what you want and leave the rest concept I'm assuming).
I share about CRAFT because it worked (still works) for me & my family. It was taught to me by one of those PhD doctors who specialize in addiction Medicine
My husbands addiction started with prescription pain pills; vidicon initially. Left untreated his addiction advanced to a wide variety of pain meds, xanax and coke. He entered treatment due to an intervention by myself, my parents, his brother, and a doctor.
He did not want rehab, but we insisted. He definitely did not want 3 months but we insisted.
I narrowed down his options; all non 12 step, evidence based approaches that dealt with root cause, multiple diagnosis, psychotherapy, cognitive behavior therapy, etc. Treatment that was tailored to him specifically.
A side note, none of our reasons for this type of treatment were based on religion. We are Christian and find spiritual support through our church.
While he was in rehab I was introduced to CRAFT. I used it to support his early recovery, a reminder to focus on my own self care, and to ready myself in case of relapse.
I credit CRAFT for encouraging communication between us, for helping me navigate those early days, weeks, months....when tensions can be high and nerves frazzled.
My husband and I have been on one amazing journey but we have come out of it stronger; both as individuals and as a couple. He has not relapsed and will have two years in April.
Last summer we began mentoring families through his rehab; sharing our experience, strength, hope with others.
So I share about CRAFT now knowing it is not recommended that family sit back and wait for their loved ones to seek treatment on their own; rock bottom is a myth.... Some die waiting for it to come.
Craft is a motivational approach more than anything. It is respectful, not manipulative, or forceful. Craft does not encourage family to enable their loved ones addiction, its focused on family's safety and self care first, it teaches how to map your own behavior along with the addicted persons, because we often play off each other emotionally. If we change our responses, often our loved ones sense this, and respond back differently. Craft also has no room for bitterness, teaches compassion, and believes people can be motivated by positive reinforcements as easily as negative ones.
Positive reinforcements are natural responses we feel and share with our loved one. They are not meant to be phony gestures, but instead acknowledgments when you see real effort put into changing behaviors. It's an ongoing acknowledgment that recovery is hard work.
CRAFT does work for many who wish to engage their loved ones in treatment. Does it work for everyone – of course not.
One last note, CRAFT does not take credit or suggest family take credit for their loved ones recovery. Recovery is an inside job.... Craft seeks to help you encourage treatment - so they can begin to face their addiction, get professional help when possible, and embrace recovery on their own.
I have immense respect for my husband and his recovery. To put it quite simply: He's amazing, and Im very lucky to have him as my husband; addiction or not. He's a great dad, and a wonderful person.
If your a family member who would like to learn more about CRAFT, partnership drug free has trained professionals available to discuss your personal situation and analyze if CRAFT might work for your family. (online or toll free). SMART recovery also has trained facilitators, and weekly online meetings. All the aforementioned are FREE.
I will be happy to share more via P.M if anyone has additional questions for me specifically.
I share about CRAFT because along with therapy it is the method I used for my own recovery. I share to let others know it exists… and that sometimes it has positive results.
So first for those that don’t know…CRAFT is endorsed by National Institute of Drug Abuse, Partnership Drug Free America, medical professionals, addiction doctors, therapist, and more. It's also used by family members at SMART recovery. You will find articles Pro- CRAFT in the NY times, Chicago Tribune and many other outlets.
I don't believe it's endorsed by AA however...although I do know family members who combine this with alanon (take what you want and leave the rest concept I'm assuming).
I share about CRAFT because it worked (still works) for me & my family. It was taught to me by one of those PhD doctors who specialize in addiction Medicine
My husbands addiction started with prescription pain pills; vidicon initially. Left untreated his addiction advanced to a wide variety of pain meds, xanax and coke. He entered treatment due to an intervention by myself, my parents, his brother, and a doctor.
He did not want rehab, but we insisted. He definitely did not want 3 months but we insisted.
I narrowed down his options; all non 12 step, evidence based approaches that dealt with root cause, multiple diagnosis, psychotherapy, cognitive behavior therapy, etc. Treatment that was tailored to him specifically.
A side note, none of our reasons for this type of treatment were based on religion. We are Christian and find spiritual support through our church.
While he was in rehab I was introduced to CRAFT. I used it to support his early recovery, a reminder to focus on my own self care, and to ready myself in case of relapse.
I credit CRAFT for encouraging communication between us, for helping me navigate those early days, weeks, months....when tensions can be high and nerves frazzled.
My husband and I have been on one amazing journey but we have come out of it stronger; both as individuals and as a couple. He has not relapsed and will have two years in April.
Last summer we began mentoring families through his rehab; sharing our experience, strength, hope with others.
So I share about CRAFT now knowing it is not recommended that family sit back and wait for their loved ones to seek treatment on their own; rock bottom is a myth.... Some die waiting for it to come.
Craft is a motivational approach more than anything. It is respectful, not manipulative, or forceful. Craft does not encourage family to enable their loved ones addiction, its focused on family's safety and self care first, it teaches how to map your own behavior along with the addicted persons, because we often play off each other emotionally. If we change our responses, often our loved ones sense this, and respond back differently. Craft also has no room for bitterness, teaches compassion, and believes people can be motivated by positive reinforcements as easily as negative ones.
Positive reinforcements are natural responses we feel and share with our loved one. They are not meant to be phony gestures, but instead acknowledgments when you see real effort put into changing behaviors. It's an ongoing acknowledgment that recovery is hard work.
CRAFT does work for many who wish to engage their loved ones in treatment. Does it work for everyone – of course not.
One last note, CRAFT does not take credit or suggest family take credit for their loved ones recovery. Recovery is an inside job.... Craft seeks to help you encourage treatment - so they can begin to face their addiction, get professional help when possible, and embrace recovery on their own.
I have immense respect for my husband and his recovery. To put it quite simply: He's amazing, and Im very lucky to have him as my husband; addiction or not. He's a great dad, and a wonderful person.
If your a family member who would like to learn more about CRAFT, partnership drug free has trained professionals available to discuss your personal situation and analyze if CRAFT might work for your family. (online or toll free). SMART recovery also has trained facilitators, and weekly online meetings. All the aforementioned are FREE.
I will be happy to share more via P.M if anyone has additional questions for me specifically.
I share about CRAFT because along with therapy it is the method I used for my own recovery. I share to let others know it exists… and that sometimes it has positive results.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,357
I'm really glad this approach worked for you allforcnm.
Rock bottom was a reality for me tho, and I'm glad I hit it, and I'm even glad I hit it when I had no one left to pick me up but myself.
Learning that I was and could be self reliant changed my life - and saved it really
D
Rock bottom was a reality for me tho, and I'm glad I hit it, and I'm even glad I hit it when I had no one left to pick me up but myself.
Learning that I was and could be self reliant changed my life - and saved it really
D
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I respectfully disagree that rock bottom is a myth. I have met many recovering addicts with years of sobriety that would dispute it as myth. I will also add I know many family members that have hit their own rock bottom before deciding to change as well.
I am not an expert on addiction, nor do I pretend to be, but I can respect the experience, strength and hope of others who have walked a path I have not.
I am not an expert on addiction, nor do I pretend to be, but I can respect the experience, strength and hope of others who have walked a path I have not.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 258
Originally Posted by LoveMeNow
I have been guilty of calling my addict husband some very despicable names. I have even posted it. Do I regret it, very much and I have apologized and made amends to him. When I knew better, I did better. However, an active addicts behaviors can be infuriating and very difficult to understand.
That said, I have also been loving, supportive, forgiving and encouraging. I have also tried to stay on my side of the street and allow him to work it out for himself.
After several months clean, he went back. It is beyond heartbreaking to lose someone again to addiction. But I KNOW in my heart, he has to want it and there is NOTHING I can do to make him want to. I am just not that powerful. Today, I have had to let go and let God and it is the most difficult decision of my life.
To imply I could have loved my husband enough or differently to get and stay clean is simply a lie!!
That said, I have also been loving, supportive, forgiving and encouraging. I have also tried to stay on my side of the street and allow him to work it out for himself.
After several months clean, he went back. It is beyond heartbreaking to lose someone again to addiction. But I KNOW in my heart, he has to want it and there is NOTHING I can do to make him want to. I am just not that powerful. Today, I have had to let go and let God and it is the most difficult decision of my life.
To imply I could have loved my husband enough or differently to get and stay clean is simply a lie!!
Thank you for your post, LoveMeNow, it reminded me that our ability to show and convince someone else how loveable they are and how beautiful life is are limited. I struggled with this for quite a while.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic
Posts: 552
Well, you know what they say! If you've met one addict, you've met... one addict. The more varied approaches we have, the better IMO. More tools in the toolbox- never a bad thing!
I see myself as someone that this approach would probably work for. I didn't have anybody putting me down or hounding me (or just flat ignoring me), when I was drinking too much, or failing at quitting. I have managed (so far) through love and support. I'm sensitive and I really LOVE the people that I care about. I think a confrontational approach may've made me feel so bad- I'd turn right to my way of coping, drinking. Just a guess, but maybe not. I also see this approach as one that some addicts may take advantage of... You know? That's the part where I think there's room for controversy. Which side of the coin you fall on opinion-wise, really depends on what you've experienced personally, in dealing with addiction.
Classical and Operant Conditioning DOES work. I'm not surprised to see this being compared to how we work with dogs. LOL (because it's EXACTLY the same!) At the end of the day, it's the science of learning. I wonder if it's not a bit too base, or overly simplified to meet the needs of addiction treatment? At the same time, I wonder if it's too complex- for friends and family members to implement it effectively? Not sure. But, I do think it's really interesting!
We're all different and there is no one-size. I celebrate any approach that helps people! :-)
I see myself as someone that this approach would probably work for. I didn't have anybody putting me down or hounding me (or just flat ignoring me), when I was drinking too much, or failing at quitting. I have managed (so far) through love and support. I'm sensitive and I really LOVE the people that I care about. I think a confrontational approach may've made me feel so bad- I'd turn right to my way of coping, drinking. Just a guess, but maybe not. I also see this approach as one that some addicts may take advantage of... You know? That's the part where I think there's room for controversy. Which side of the coin you fall on opinion-wise, really depends on what you've experienced personally, in dealing with addiction.
Classical and Operant Conditioning DOES work. I'm not surprised to see this being compared to how we work with dogs. LOL (because it's EXACTLY the same!) At the end of the day, it's the science of learning. I wonder if it's not a bit too base, or overly simplified to meet the needs of addiction treatment? At the same time, I wonder if it's too complex- for friends and family members to implement it effectively? Not sure. But, I do think it's really interesting!
We're all different and there is no one-size. I celebrate any approach that helps people! :-)
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
Originally Posted by LoveMeNow
I respectfully disagree that rock bottom is a myth. I have met many recovering addicts with years of sobriety that would dispute it as myth.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by choublak
I'm on the fence about rock bottom being a myth or not. While I get what you're saying, I have also read countless threads in this forum with individuals asking about has someone hit his or her rock bottom yet...it seems a lot of people believe that rock bottom is supposed to look like something, or that it's supposed to be dramatic. If there is a rock bottom, it is determined by the individual.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
It helps me to see more diverse opinions on this method. The more I read about CRAFT the more I like it, seems logical and it reinforces the good parts of relationships, its not about creating walls between people because we are good and the addict is bad. Its like that movie the Anonymous People, addiction comes in all forms and some of us still have value in our relationships. (The stereotype of the face of addiction needs to change I think). If you can use the power of your relationship to help someone who is struggling with addiction then whats wrong with that? I see how hard all this is for my husband. I don’t want to punish him, criticize him, and make him isolate away from me, it would destroy us, even if he does recover. I want to encourage him when I can, appreciate his efforts, and let him know Im on his side.
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