Anna

I have to say this because every time I read that relapse is part of recovery, I cringe.

Many people do relapse when they stop drinking, but many don't. Yes, you can learn from a relapse and move on. But, if you believe that relapse is part of recovery, be careful that you don't slip into the 'well, this is just part of the process' routine. It doesn't have to be.

I relapsed when I was not fully committed to stopping drinking. Once I fully committed in my mind, I did not relapse, thankfully. When I relapsed, I found the relapses very difficult. Each one rubbed away at my very shaky self-esteem. Each relapse robbed me of a bit of hope. Each relapse was harder on me physically, that is for sure. And, each relapse made it that much harder to start again.

Bottom line, in my opinion - if you relapse be SURE that you learn from it, and don't become complacent. Don't assume that if you've relapsed once, twice, three times that you will still be able to accomplish your goal.

least

It makes me cringe too. Relapse is part of addiction, not recovery.

PurpleKnight

I do love your soap box moments Anna!!

IOAA2

Relapses are scary also in that there is no guarantee that one can get sobriety back for the reasons stated and many more. Over the years I've known far too many a relapse ended in death for various reasons. It is pure hell.

BE WELL

doggonecarl

Anna, thanks for the post. I was thinking the same thing after I read my third or fourth "Oh, well, I slipped" thread and the well intentioned replies that said it was part of the process.

I view relapses like I view Russian Roulette. Some folks get multiple tries. Some get one.

I understand that beating oneself up over a relapse is not beneficial. But please, don't take it lightly.

LadyinBC

I agree with your full post. I relapsed over and over again because I wasn't ready to stop. The thought of a relapse now scares me to death. I think it would kill me to be honest. It would rob me of those exact things and I'm scared I wouldn't recover from it.

Thepatman

I agree Anna. Going back is not an "excuse"

But we have to respect that people have different life circumstances and different "broken" levels. I for one just recently realized I need way more support then I thought. Yes I relapsed, but I am seeking more support.

Seeing local addiction group next monday. What make me "grin" is the ho well, I relapsed.

Daz my 50 cents

Longpasttime

Really well said Anna. There is a huge difference between encouraging someone who has relapsed to come back and try again versus almost condoning it as part of the process, which it need not be. I have noticed this too and I am really glad you posted about it. Thanks!

Raider

I find that my relapse does not usually last one night. It lasts a few weeks, months.... I have also found it takes me longer after each relapse to try to wrap my head around sobriety again. Takes a while to get up the nerve to jump down the hole again, knowing how it's going to hurt for awhile.......just me.

Gibbons2

So well said. It's what bothered me about this forum. Relapse is not about recovery, it is about being addicted.

Confuzd

The diseases of alcoholism or addiction do not necessarily give you 2nd chances. If I drink (relapse) today I do not know what will happen. It is possible that I won't suffer any severe consequences and may even decide to get sober again. It is possible that I will drive drunk and possibly kill someone or lose my own life. It is possible that I will lose the motivation to get sober again and drink for years, every year getting sicker physically and mentally. There really is no way of knowing what will happen or what the odds are, because I am an alcoholic and can not drink normally. I am happy for everyone who relapses and makes it back to sobriety, but there are so many people who relapse and never make it back.

tomsteve

to both Anna and least:


my backspace button has had a wee bit of a workout when ive read its part of the process or part of recovery. to me it is rationalization that could lead people to think,'hey, why stop today since its gonna happen anyways?"
yes, it does happen, but it is NOT part of recovery nor part of the process.
recovery- the act or process of recovering;the process of combating a disorder (as alcoholism) or a real or perceived problem

you can have the soapbox back now.

Anna

You guys are all the best!

And, please understand that I really had no intention of trying to make anyone feel worse, if they have recently relapsed.

I've been here a long time and there are a few things that I see over and over again that I find really hard to read. It bothers me when a member says they were out with drinking friends in early days and so relapsed. It bothers me when a member says they will stop drinking tomorrow. And, it bothers me when I hear that relapse is part of recovery. That doesn't mean that I didn't say all those things to myself in my early recovery, because I did. I guess it means that I hope that some of you, or even just one of you, doesn't have to go through that. I hope that one of you can avoid the common pitfalls. But, at the same time, I recognize that we are all right where we are supposed to be on this recovery journey and we are all learning what we need to know.

Please understand that I didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings.

PaperDolls

Here here. Makes me cringe too.

Relapse is common .... it's part of the disease, NOT recovery.

alphaomega

I never thought about it like that - it being a part of addiction rather than a part of recovery. That is so SO absolutely true.

Thanks Anna for the ah ah moment !

heath480

I am not a fan of the way people are so lackadaisical,when they talk of a relapse as if it is part of recovery.

Relapse is a part of active Alcoholism.

Very dangerous to trivialise something that can kill someone.

DuhDave

...and learning from the posts of you wise people. Thank You.

and...good to see you back PatMan.

Thanks to you all...for being here for me.

Dave

Notimetoloose

Great post, I can't remember when I first heard that relapses are part of addiction but it change a lot of things for me.
It really drives the point that we need to deal with our addiction and change our mindset.
I think it also helps to make a plan just as we would with any other thing that is life threatening.

ScottFromWI

Great post Anna. I personally dislike even the term "relapse", why call drinking anything other than what it is...drinking.

Hevyn

Yes, Anna - it is cringeworthy. When I was first quitting I figured relapse was inevitable - almost like I was being given permission to do it because it was normal.